tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post6645117646917562913..comments2024-03-10T05:18:37.521-04:00Comments on Stories From A Starry Sky: First Page Review Blog-hopTeresa Cypherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-57615776592008962792014-10-30T12:59:44.603-04:002014-10-30T12:59:44.603-04:00Neva, thanks for mentioning it. :-)Neva, thanks for mentioning it. :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-22647190121255724532014-10-30T12:59:07.603-04:002014-10-30T12:59:07.603-04:00It's been such a long road, dearie. The first ...It's been such a long road, dearie. The first story I ever wrote. My mom loved it and cheered me on toward trying to get it published. I cringe now, thinking how poorly written it was. Almost 10 years ago... wow. I think I might be getting close to where it needs to be to make it happen. Thank you so much for reading it and sharing encouraging words. :-)<br />Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-8058342811265066552014-10-21T13:46:08.444-04:002014-10-21T13:46:08.444-04:00No problem. I love it and the bloghop! I mention...No problem. I love it and the bloghop! I mentioned it on a few Goodreads boards and on Twitter, hopefully we'll get a few more people. ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09436256293259964125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-68622025411537912792014-10-21T05:46:11.361-04:002014-10-21T05:46:11.361-04:00"Two years is a long time to not exist" ..."Two years is a long time to not exist" Boom. I find this intro just as engaging now as I did two years ago when you first sent me this section. The threepart structure consorts well with each other, as each layer gives just the right amount of information and pushes the narrative forwards. And it shows off how complex this is! I get the feeling that everything "serves" the story as well, hah, and I dare saying that although I don't know how it ends. I really hope you do publish this story, such great potential shouldn't go unpublished. :)DasNukhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06513945470399592454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-15078720155808981012014-10-21T00:00:24.615-04:002014-10-21T00:00:24.615-04:00Thanks, Calen, for your encouragement. I'm so ...Thanks, Calen, for your encouragement. I'm so glad you found this bloghop, and thanks for signing up! :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-35874664323039982752014-10-20T23:57:18.373-04:002014-10-20T23:57:18.373-04:00Thanks for your encouraging words, Neva. It's ...Thanks for your encouraging words, Neva. It's a WIP. I really hope to have it published by next spring. Lots of work to do on it yet. :-) Thanks for doing the FPR bloghop! :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-91065750972291393392014-10-20T13:22:50.172-04:002014-10-20T13:22:50.172-04:00:-) I'm so tickled to read those words, Christ...:-) I'm so tickled to read those words, Christina. :-) Thank you!Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-38266901970781531742014-10-16T23:02:38.917-04:002014-10-16T23:02:38.917-04:00Hi, Calen, ;-) Hmm, I see that one blog is "B...Hi, Calen, ;-) Hmm, I see that one blog is "Blogger" and the other is "Wordpress". They are competing and some of the time, they don't play nice together. <br /><br />This might work: log out of Blogger and out of anything that Google owns (such as Google+) then make sure that you're logged into Wordpress. Try commenting on a Google (Blogger) blog. Sometimes that works.<br /><br />I have a blog with both of them too. If I am signed into both at the same time, when I comment on a Blogger, then that profile is the default. If I comment on a Wordpress blog, then that becomes the default redirect profile. :-) <br /><br />I'm glad you're doing the FPR. I have a crazy busy week in the real world, but I'll get back to this first of the week and give your First Page a read!Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-9087493944547467942014-10-16T10:26:03.804-04:002014-10-16T10:26:03.804-04:00Sorry to repost, but for some reason my avatar doe...Sorry to repost, but for some reason my avatar does not redirect to my Word Press blog where I posted my 1000 words for the blog hop. And the Select Profile option doesn't believe I have a blog called Impromptu Promptlings. Go figure. So here's the link to my entry, Glencara's Bane. I hope you'll stop by. Thanks so much. Calen~<br /><br />http://promptlings.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/glencaras-bane/Calensarielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316498514995616153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-23523056922037475542014-10-16T03:49:32.691-04:002014-10-16T03:49:32.691-04:00This is a fantastic opening! First the mysterious ...This is a fantastic opening! First the mysterious journal entry with so much tragedy in so few words, and then Marissa's unconventional and frightening circumstances. There's a real sense of jeopardy here. I definitely want to read more!Christina Ochshttp://christinaochs.wordpress.com/2014/10/14/first-page-review-blog-hop/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-12024301834410932292014-10-15T23:55:32.358-04:002014-10-15T23:55:32.358-04:00Teresa, I love sci-fi books, correction, good sci-...Teresa, I love sci-fi books, correction, good sci-fi books, and I have to say, yours sounds excellent. I want more, I was hooked just in reading this page and I've looked you up on Amazon, but I can't find your book! Is it under your name? Have you ever read "Parable of the Sower?" It's my favorite book ever. I would put this opening right up there with that book. Can't wait to read more about Marissa and to find out what's going on in her world. Love it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09436256293259964125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-75949560258451570432014-10-15T19:53:22.013-04:002014-10-15T19:53:22.013-04:00You had me from the first line AND the fact that i...You had me from the first line AND the fact that it was a journal entry. I've journaled all my life and I KNOW the amazing things you can find in them. I'm also a scifi/fantasy fan, and you certainly whet both those whistles. Your use of sensory detail was exceptional. I would read this story in a heartbeat. (Calensariel - Impromptu Promptlings)Calensarielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316498514995616153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-70603115462689537732014-10-14T12:16:18.532-04:002014-10-14T12:16:18.532-04:00Thanks for taking the time to read it and to comme...Thanks for taking the time to read it and to comment, D.R. :-) Going to give it a try?Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-66464956994511322792014-10-12T17:25:02.752-04:002014-10-12T17:25:02.752-04:00Loved the hotdogs bit (and yes, I'm pretty sur...Loved the hotdogs bit (and yes, I'm pretty sure plastic-bag bunless, mustardless hotdogs would still make my mouth water) and I'd like to know what's going to go down...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-831440994371808502014-10-09T16:27:49.107-04:002014-10-09T16:27:49.107-04:00Elena, thank you so much. I changed my first few s...Elena, thank you so much. I changed my first few sentences after reading Chip's comment. Now I wonder about the rest--after the journal entry. Thanks again for visiting and your encouraging words. I'll be by to read yours in a bit. :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-58313183506522756832014-10-05T11:23:22.798-04:002014-10-05T11:23:22.798-04:00Wow, Teresa, the opening from the diary grabbed me...Wow, Teresa, the opening from the diary grabbed me right away: what happened to her? how could she be separated from her baby? I absolutely love the image "dreams that pretend to be memories." Your opening gives a glimpse into a decaying world and leaves open questions for me to want to keep reading so I can find out more! well done.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09922888671399516573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-52524580952449301832014-09-29T23:37:18.321-04:002014-09-29T23:37:18.321-04:00Thanks, Chelle. That's the big thing. I want t... Thanks, Chelle. That's the big thing. I want the reader to question her version of reality. ;-) Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-11013334028289337262014-09-29T23:36:32.086-04:002014-09-29T23:36:32.086-04:00Thanks, Paper Butterfly. After rewriting so many t...Thanks, Paper Butterfly. After rewriting so many times, I've lost perspective. At the end of October I'm going to do a rewrite and not look at it until January then. :-) Perhaps some distance will help. :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-28864225507338252542014-09-29T23:35:14.133-04:002014-09-29T23:35:14.133-04:00Thanks, Charmaine. I'm so glad it resonated wi...Thanks, Charmaine. I'm so glad it resonated with you. ;-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-86030490341509644222014-09-29T23:34:35.458-04:002014-09-29T23:34:35.458-04:00Excellent observation, Chip. The original draft--w...Excellent observation, Chip. The original draft--which family and friends loved, started right in the action. I will have to rethink this. Again. :-) Thank you!Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-87805669172115249312014-09-29T12:06:48.869-04:002014-09-29T12:06:48.869-04:00Here is the hook for me:" in her home—the thi...Here is the hook for me:" in her home—the third floor office of the dilapidated factory, she sat on the sill of the open window watching the river laze by. Somewhere upstream a train whistled, shattering her darkening world with a sound so lonesome she thought of the dead bell in the church at Somerset. Moments later, the powerful diesels roared past, shaking her where she perched.<br />The first hot dog evaporated in her mouth. She didn’t slow down until she was on her third. As she chewed the fourth, she felt sort of queasy, unsure if it would stay down if she swallowed it."<br /><br />Maybe this could be closer to the top rather than starting a book with a journal entry? Just a thought. First read through, I didn't make it to the hot dogs. Then I read some of the comments and tried it again.<br /><br />I like the story. How she got into this state and what happens to her is the plot? FCEtierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14199098303138353894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-57158362955579968482014-09-28T23:44:01.592-04:002014-09-28T23:44:01.592-04:00Captivated and appalled at the situation, I read t...Captivated and appalled at the situation, I read this heartbroken for the main character. You enrich the story with all the senses. Yes, I want to read on. Already she's in my prayers, this orphan of the world.Charmaine Gordonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15236373312231763983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-67326491724783458522014-09-28T15:01:27.890-04:002014-09-28T15:01:27.890-04:00Plot is definitely one of my own personal weakness...Plot is definitely one of my own personal weaknesses, and since that is your primary question, I don't know how helpful this will be :$ I thought this was interesting. You set up an interesting situation where the reader only knows a bit of what is going on, but there's enough so that it isn't confusing. Although I will say that knowing the genre would lead to a different interpretation of events. If this was literature I would think Marissa turned to drugs after a traumatic experience (including and perhaps more than losing her baby), and she has PTSD. If it were fantasy, then I would make different assumptions. There were a few lines I would rephrase or delete, but overall it was well written :) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-28098554154364752972014-09-28T03:19:46.379-04:002014-09-28T03:19:46.379-04:00Wow is truly the reaction to reading this piece. Y...Wow is truly the reaction to reading this piece. You grabbed me in right away and I felt as if I were sitting next to her as she gobbled the hot dogs. I am still shivering about the old lady - was it a dream or was it real? Yes, I definitely would keep reading.Chelle Corderohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15412268726863698528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-43683249796803418712014-09-25T23:52:54.841-04:002014-09-25T23:52:54.841-04:00Thanks, Ian! I think I've rewritten it a hundr...Thanks, Ian! I think I've rewritten it a hundred times. :-) I'm absolutely blind to it at this point. Are you going to give it a try? :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.com