tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post8672921520931514743..comments2024-03-10T05:18:37.521-04:00Comments on Stories From A Starry Sky: WeWriWa:Possible BlurbTeresa Cypherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-74789989379338459992020-08-29T14:50:26.390-04:002020-08-29T14:50:26.390-04:00Suggestion:
Even though humans are taboo, Rael ca...Suggestion:<br /><br />Even though humans are taboo, Rael can’t ignore this Earth woman, Emmily Wagner. Despite how scared she is, her willingness to help them touches his heart. <br /><br />Rael has been told humans are taboo, but he can't ignore Emmily. Her willingness to help despite fear has touched his heart.<br /><br />Put her last name back at the beginning or leave off. It cuts four words.JSBrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05632723899375591372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-59959541822332669062020-08-24T22:41:46.111-04:002020-08-24T22:41:46.111-04:00You've gotten a lot of great advice! I just di...You've gotten a lot of great advice! I just did a blurb review session on my stuff, and the reviewer suggested cutting out as many names as possible. So for you, probably lose the dog's name and her last name, since they're not essential for the story.E.D. Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06919218250424892502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-32109756413040985662020-08-23T20:20:10.686-04:002020-08-23T20:20:10.686-04:00Just a couple of suggestions: 1st paragraph change...Just a couple of suggestions: 1st paragraph change this sentence to Now she has one simple plan: start over and never-ever fall in love again. Then end the second paragraph at the ellipsis. That will save you about 30 words. And now I want to read this book even more!Jennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10308158251486924808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-14323025086805177252020-08-23T19:58:19.704-04:002020-08-23T19:58:19.704-04:00I've never written a blurb I liked, but I thin...I've never written a blurb I liked, but I think you've got a great start. Some of the advice the others gave sounds good.Elaine Cantrellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05668294337075373288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-70078076108351452622020-08-23T18:17:44.707-04:002020-08-23T18:17:44.707-04:00Blurbs are not my favorite thing to write either. ...Blurbs are not my favorite thing to write either. But your up to a great start. Blurbs should be about 100-150 words. :) Karen Michelle Nutthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04083893569523248900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-74106554671469091972020-08-23T16:16:14.189-04:002020-08-23T16:16:14.189-04:00I don't have much experience with blurbs but I...I don't have much experience with blurbs but I think the advice about removing the passive voice is great start. (I'm so guilty of this). I use the Hemmingway Editor (it's a free desktop app) to highlight passive voice in my writing. Brittanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11908242131644763201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-82823946155355342302020-08-23T14:36:24.073-04:002020-08-23T14:36:24.073-04:00Sent you an e mail with my thoughts...Sent you an e mail with my thoughts...Veronica Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04732940088047026021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-77691268035071209412020-08-23T13:11:03.521-04:002020-08-23T13:11:03.521-04:00Feels to me like you've got a good foundation....Feels to me like you've got a good foundation. I'm not good at blurbs either, but I believe they should focus on hook, stakes, and choice. There's no room for anything that distracts from a clean message, so for example mentioning Murphy doesn't add anything to this equation. <br /><br />I think you've got the essence here, but there is plenty of opportunity for tightening up. If you don' mind, I'll drop more thoughts into an email rather than the comments here.Botanisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12098709722475364465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-49010462874777388312020-08-23T12:57:31.996-04:002020-08-23T12:57:31.996-04:00Don't you just love writing blurbs? So far so ...Don't you just love writing blurbs? So far so good, I'd say.<br /><br />My approach to blurbs could be described "write down everything I think is really essential to the story and then delete most of it." I suspect you can do some trimming.<br /><br />The sentence beginning "Even though she's their hostage..." is primarily a transition. It'd be fine in the story itself but in a blurb? How would the blurb read without that sentence?<br /><br />You asked about the last sentence, which tells me you think it might not be necessary. Try reading the blurb without it. Can you delete it? I also like Carrie-Ann's suggestion about combining the last two sentences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-40719749047557951982020-08-23T12:52:37.256-04:002020-08-23T12:52:37.256-04:00Wow, the things I'm blind to! Thanks so much f...Wow, the things I'm blind to! Thanks so much for catching that! :-) I made the change. You guys are all awesome. <3<br />Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-42611506079095181012020-08-23T12:35:53.397-04:002020-08-23T12:35:53.397-04:00Sounds good to me! Looks like you've already g...Sounds good to me! Looks like you've already gotten a lot of good advice. I did notice the repletion of the word "Even". They're close together so it sticks out. And I hate to tell you this, but chances are you'll be asked for a short blurb too, about one paragraph long.Alexis Duranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15582838606796213690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-25136748935391685852020-08-23T11:37:19.155-04:002020-08-23T11:37:19.155-04:00Still deliberating on "...if their whereabout...Still deliberating on "...if their whereabouts are discovered<br />."Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-81419765020206377742020-08-23T11:29:10.353-04:002020-08-23T11:29:10.353-04:00Thanks so much, Iris. :-) She doesn't have a m...Thanks so much, Iris. :-) She doesn't have a medical background--and she actually thinks (for the readers benefit) "I'm no doctor," I tell them. What do they expect me to do?" :-) <br /><br />She lost her marriage, her parents, her job, and her home all in the year preceding when this story takes place. I can't find a way to include all that info in the blurb. (My 280 word version that read more like a synopsis did it include it lol). Anyway, I'm glad to read your response because I hope those are questions a potential reader will ask. <br /><br />I dunno. The more I know the less I know. :-) <br /><br />Thanks again!Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-2243186986696737642020-08-23T11:22:32.079-04:002020-08-23T11:22:32.079-04:00Thanks, Jessica! I'm still waffling on the las...Thanks, Jessica! I'm still waffling on the last para. Maybe the potential reader will think it's too sad? <br /><br />Writing a book is so much fun...right up until this stuff. lolTeresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-74681978311496968552020-08-23T11:18:23.538-04:002020-08-23T11:18:23.538-04:00Thank you so much, Nancy! I never saw them until y...Thank you so much, Nancy! I never saw them until you mentioned them. What a difference! Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-47743489732701066942020-08-23T11:17:01.055-04:002020-08-23T11:17:01.055-04:00Thank you so much, Carrie-Anne! Wow--I think that ...Thank you so much, Carrie-Anne! Wow--I think that sounds so much better, and it tightened it up. Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-52243907409669925152020-08-23T10:29:57.587-04:002020-08-23T10:29:57.587-04:00I like your blurb, though I might slightly reword ...I like your blurb, though I might slightly reword the final sentence. Maybe combine the last two sentences too.Carrie-Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05810154378449825641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-5880247803262340452020-08-23T10:21:11.745-04:002020-08-23T10:21:11.745-04:00I like the story line you present. If you want to ...I like the story line you present. If you want to tighten it, remove the passive phrases i.e. might be, is hanging, being held etc. and make them crisper and more active voice to engage the reader. Love the government plates!!Nancy Gideonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07493107610530282642noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-24535325678546395642020-08-23T07:52:51.506-04:002020-08-23T07:52:51.506-04:00It's definitely a great start! Iris's ques...It's definitely a great start! Iris's questions are important, but I would maybe remove the last paragraph, and put a short sentence about her refusing to give her heart away again after the second paragraph. Makes it a little more intense, whereas the last paragraph leaves me with a feeling of sadness.Jessica E. Subjecthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14356934162311768234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4696914224277711875.post-58822257582652800892020-08-23T04:58:05.713-04:002020-08-23T04:58:05.713-04:00why do they ask her to help? has she a medical bac...why do they ask her to help? has she a medical background? and why has she lost everything?Iris Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07282988971025667976noreply@blogger.com