Hello fellow Warriors (and Snippeteers)! :-)
Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live before 9:00 AM Sunday EST. (We check signups and remove links when we don't find a wewriwa post-- to save our participants from clicking on empty links--so please have it live by 9:00 Sunday morning--eastern USA) Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good. Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants
do both, can be found HERE.
This
week's snippet: We're back to our main character, Lily, and her dog Jobe, in a holding cell on an alien ship.
Lily
jerked awake, filled with the trembling an adrenaline rush brings. The door opening
coincided with a deep, drumming noise that resonated like an ancient gong.
Three Bulrager guards walked in, the bright light of the hall silhouetting them
making it impossible to see their faces. But there was no mistaking the voice
that spoke; she’d know that cock-sure arrogance anywhere. She pulled Jobe
close, and braced for them to try to take him.
Dev
Areen stuck out his chest and looked around. “Who among you would earn extra
food?”
Was
this his best authoritative posturing? She had to fight hysterical laughter
brewing in her belly; he looked so much like a rooster, the way he strutted as
he spoke. Then she shuddered, thinking that a rooster would strike out and draw
blood, too.
That's it. What works? What doesn't? I appreciate your comments and learn from them. :-)
You didn't miss a moment in this snippet. Just wonderful.
ReplyDeleteVery effective mtaphor, comparing the alien to a rooster, and then remembering they can be fierce too. Enjoyed the excerpt!
ReplyDeleteSomehow I get the feeling whatever one has to do to earn extra food isn't worth it. Great menace in this snippet.
ReplyDeleteVery astute observation on Lily's part. Hope she's not too hungry!
ReplyDeleteI agree, great ending thought from her at the end. She's really in a pickle! I bet having Jobe with her helps.
ReplyDeleteGah! Don't answer, don't answer! Love this snippet and can't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteLove the flip-flop of feelings at the end. And I wonder what they have to do to earn extra food? Whatever it is, I bet it's not good!
ReplyDeleteLove the rooster comparison. It really helps paint a vivid image of this alien. I wonder what one has to do to earn extra food? A chilling thought. This is a compelling snippet.
ReplyDeleteOh, she knows him? Another twist! Love it!!! I'm getting more and more impatient to read this entire story. ;)
ReplyDeleteFantastic! I love her protectiveness over Jobe, and her mixed reactions at the end.
ReplyDeleteA fighting cock? Is that prescient?
ReplyDeleteLoved the rooster and alien metaphor. I've been enjoying your posts.
ReplyDeletecock-sure arrogance & authoritative posturing, he has made an "impression" on her and not a comfortable one. Lots of tension.
ReplyDeleteAh, I wonder why the aliens would take her dog? An interesting snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteThat last line is chilling.
ReplyDeleteChickens don't seem dangerous, but I've seen pictures of bird fights. She's wise to be wary of this puffed-up alien.
ReplyDeleteEvery moment of these snippets are so intense! I'm constantly on the edge about what they'll do to her and Jobe.
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
I love the sly humour in the comparison to a rooster. Having been chased by a few, in my day, I get the dangerous bit.
ReplyDeleteSo, what will they have to do to earn the food?