Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: September 9, 2012


Hope everyone had a good week.  For anyone who doesn't know, Six Sentence Sunday is a bloghop--and one of the friendliest. Participants post six sentences of their writing, then the fun begins. Readers hop from blog to blog, sharing opinions, critiques and encouragement.  We know what a solitary pursuit writing is--and Six Sentence Sunday is a great way to meet other writers and take a break from our solitude. Complete rules and a sign up form are at the site here.

Returning to my WIP, ATNS, Marissa is running for her life. The scene began with her playing hide and seek with her toddler, and something strange happened--a blinding light and a disorienting sound. She's not at the State Park anymore, and her son is not with her. She's running through what seems to be a metal building.  At the end of last week's six, she witnessed something being bitten in half by a very large beast.

"Was it? It was! A person! God--this can’t be real. Another scream pierced her ears; it was her own."

Wow, lol, that might be the shortest six I've ever posted. :-) 

I'm particularly curious about the word "God", in her  thought.  Is it more or less powerful with it included?   My intent was not a prayer or to summon god. It is just fright. Does it feel that way? 

All comments, opinions, criticisms, greatly appreciated and graciously acknowledged.  Have a wonderful week, all. :-)







34 comments:

  1. I think it works well. Sounded frightened and overwhelmed. Good 6!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Short, but her fear and confusion is evident. Great six! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jessica :-) Hoped to convey that fear. :-)

      Delete
  3. Short and very concise. That's not easy to accomplish. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jess. I shortened the sentences for maximum impact. I want the reader to race along with her. :-)

      Delete
  4. Might be a short six, but you packed a lot into those six! I'm going to keep reading. Looking forward to next week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Denise! Your short story looks awesome. Can hardly wait to read it. :-)

      Delete
  5. Short but emotional. I like the addition of "God", people tend to say that when they're feeling very strong emotions. I think it adds realism.

    (BTW your post about your dad was very moving. You two were lucky to have each other :D)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Owly! I hoped it didn't muck it up. And thanks for reading my other posts! My dad was a character. :-)

      Delete
  6. That's quite a six! I'm with everyone else, thought the use of "God" conveyed her terror, seemed fine to me in the context. Excellent excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am very glad I did not read this at lunch time. Disturbing situation for her to find herself in.

    Her use of "God" didn't strike me as particularly religious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kate. I like having sixers out there who are willing to share opinions. :-)

      Delete
  8. Hi Teresa, short and explosive six this week! The use of "god" works exactly as you intended, And the -- adds that nice dramatic pause. I can imagine her saying it out loud that way. You did it again!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, dearie! Cool that you picked up on that little pause! Thanks. :-)

      Delete
  9. Short is punchy and good. Nice job, Teresa.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The short sentences really convey her fear and shock; as does the 'god'. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Karen. Keeping them short worked as I'd hoped, then. :-)

      Delete
  11. Short, but intense! She has got to be frantic from everything that has happened, especially losing her son, and you show that. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wicked. Nay, your word choice of God sounds fine and not a call out to Him. Sounds perfectly normal given her strange circumstance. This was cray!

    ReplyDelete
  13. This definitely is the shortest Six I've ever read. The short, powerful bursts make this really strike the readers emotions. Great Job, Teresa. Wonderful Six!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, M.L.! :-) I'm glad the sort bursts worked. :-)

      Delete
  14. You are always one of my favorite SSS author's to read. Though I did take God as a prayer, namely because you capitalized the G. Though clearly that was just me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awe, thank you, Marie. I'm humbled. Oh, that pesky capitalization thing. it's difficult, because Marissa grapples with the idea of a god. But, being hopelessly human, is gen toward believing in God when times get tough, but doubting the rest of the time. I'm not sure if I', doing it right, or not, lol... If we are lucky, we never stop learning ;-)

      Delete
  15. Depends on whether this would be the way she would speak.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow. Thanks, Sue--for this wow moment. So simple, but danged! Never thought of it that way. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so slow getting around to "last" week's snippets that I'm just in time for this week's. LOL I'll comment on it when I'm done here. I love the pacing in this one. The short bursts of sentences is like someone running and panting. As for capitalizing or not capitalizing or even using the word "God", I think the way you've written it conveys what you want. It seems to me to be both exclamation and prayer, which is what I'd be doing in her shoes. Remember that old adage, "There are no atheists in a foxhole." Off to read this week's!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thank you, Silver. You are such a font of wisdom! I am grateful for your comments. You've affirmed what I'd hoped to convey with the short sentences...and given me good clarification on the use of god in the sentence. :-)

    ReplyDelete