Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday

Hooray for cooler weather here in the northeastern USA. For anyone who doesn't know, Six Sentence Sunday is a bloghop--and one of the friendliest. Participants post six sentences of their writing, then the fun begins. Readers hop from blog to blog, sharing opinions, critiques and encouragement.  We know what a solitary pursuit writing is--and Six Sentence Sunday is a great way to meet other writers and take a break from our solitude. Complete rules and a sign up form are at the site here.

Returning to my WIP, ATNS, Marissa is running for her life. The scene began with her playing hide and seek with her toddler, and something strange happened--a blinding light and a disorienting sound. She's not at the State Park anymore, and her son is not with her. Her situation has taken a turn toward the terrifying.  She's running through what seems to be a metal building.  At the end of last week's six, she witnessed a large, raging beast bite a person in half.



"At full run, she caught a flashing-by view of wild fury in the beast’s black eyes. Another glimpse—a child and woman, eyes full of terror, huddled against a wall. Jesus, this really, really, can’t be happening!  Her pulse thumped in her ears as she passed the raging predator.

Racing past more bare metal, she turned another corner where a long corridor opened before her. Screams followed by guttural sounds pushed her beyond any kind of reason.  Dashing through a half-lit doorway, she slowed when she reached the darkness beyond."

I confess. It's seven.  But it completes a scene--and there is a mood shift next.

All comments, opinions, criticisms, greatly appreciated and graciously acknowledged.  Thanks for visiting, and have a wonderful week, all. :-)
 

30 comments:

  1. And what is hiding in that darkness? What will happen to the woman and child? What's Marissa's internal dialogue?!? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL This is another great six. I love the way you are setting up the scene with word choice and pacing. I want Marrissa to be able to take a deep breath, just like I want to take one because I'm right there with her! Well done, lady!

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    1. Thanks, Silver. You ask the best questions. I think you could prompt anyone right out of writer's block! :-)

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  2. Oh Teresa... I love to visit you on SSS day! Another great 6 (*cough* 7) ;)

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    1. Thanks, Marie! How is that "Red", and her wolf doing?? On my way to see. :-)

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  3. I like it! The tension is very gripping. As for the 7, I've been known to (or maybe no one has noticed) edit a natural 7-or-more-sentence scene down to 6. Shh!! ;)
    Well done.

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    1. (Lips zipped--won't say a word) ;-) lol, thanks for reading it Richard! And for your encouraging words. :-)

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  4. Oh my gosh! So intense! I wonder what waits for her in the darkness beyond.

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    1. Haha...something strange and nice, Jessica :-) Thanks for visiting :-)!

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  5. The tension in this snippet is amazing. Great job!

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    1. Thanks, Jess! :-) This was a great excercise in holding tension through a scene. :-)

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  6. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Ok, sorry. Great tension and motion here. I love it!

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    1. Thank you, Steven. Woot! That great "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" comment coming from the master of tension, himself! :-)

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  7. Love how you keep the tension up. Your mind goes to interesting places, Teresa!

    I'm wondering though if Marissa would notice the beast's eyes more than just it's overall beyond-shocking self. Mentioning eyes does tend to increase the emotional impact of a scene, but as I'm picturing what's happening, it seems like the beast itself is so overwhelming that its eyes would be secondary.Just a thought.

    BTW, I'm pretty sure we'd all rather have 7 here than 6 :D

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    1. Hey Owly :-) Yeppers. You've made an excellent observation. And, blind to my own work, I also didn't think about the redundancy in focusing on eyes in two consecutive sentences. Thanks!

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  8. 5, 6, 7... who's counting? I admit, I often squish two sentences into one just to make it fit. And this is a brilliant, er, 7. Very tense and wonderfully descriptive, it really draws me in and makes me want to know more. Bravo.

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    1. Thank you, so much, Karen! :-) I am so glad you were drawn in, AND want to know more. :-)

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  9. I really, REALLY hope that's not real! Scary stuff. Well done!

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    1. Thank you, Kate! Dreams...reality, dreams,memories, reality, dreams?? :-)

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  10. UGHHH I can feel the tension in my knotted stomach as I read....fantastic!

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    1. Thanks, Maryellen. I don't think I've caused so many people discomfort, lol, and it is strange--but good ;-)

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  11. Oooh, scary and tense! Love the heightened sense of danger in this. Great six!

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  12. Such a great sense of motion and just pure panic in this. Really sucks you in.

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    1. Thanks, Eleri--I am glad to read that! :-)

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  13. Lots of danger and action. Nice going. Hell of a situation to find yourself in!

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    1. Thanks, Kylie! Yep...and it is just the beginning. But, it does have its moments. :-)

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  14. This scared the heck out of me. *shivers* And now I'm going to worry what happens! Great scene. :)

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    1. Thanks, Donna. I hope he readers all worry what happens. ;-)

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  15. Doesn't sound like a bedtime read, but I sure want to know what comes next.

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    1. Thanks, Sue. :-) She is about to have a head-on collision with her future--or her insanity... :-)

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