Welcome
Warriors! Happy December. It's just two weeks from the Winter Solstice.
Then daylight starts to lengthen each day. Just two weeks... :-D
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too. She'd been found in the desert alone after having just given birth. After spending a year being treated for being delusional-- she's convinced that her dreams are actually her missing memories, she's now working with a volunteer counselor, Rayanne.
Continuing on from last week's 8, Marissa is meeting with , Rayanne. Rissa asked Rayanne if there is a God. Last week, The last sentence was Marissa asking, “Why, why then does it seem that some people have perfect lives without doing anything special to deserve them?”
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too. She'd been found in the desert alone after having just given birth. After spending a year being treated for being delusional-- she's convinced that her dreams are actually her missing memories, she's now working with a volunteer counselor, Rayanne.
Continuing on from last week's 8, Marissa is meeting with , Rayanne. Rissa asked Rayanne if there is a God. Last week, The last sentence was Marissa asking, “Why, why then does it seem that some people have perfect lives without doing anything special to deserve them?”
Rayanne
nodded her head. " And some people have challenge after challenge thrown at them?”
“Challenge?
I was thinking more like misery and heartache.”
“It does seem pretty unfair, but let
me ask you this. Who has a perfect life?”
Marissa
looked away. “I’m not playing this game.”
That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)
Who has a perfect life? I'm not sure, but I think my cat does. No day job, no stress, food delivered on demand, naps at any time of day or night. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteSounds like an interesting discussion, even if Marissa doesn't want to hear it. Nice work, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteVery engaging! That first sentence, particularly the "as if anticipating what direction Marissa was" bit, didn't flow smoothly for me.
ReplyDeleteI like these character driven excerpts :) Too much and they can slow down a story, and I know that because I have a bad habit of overusing them XD But in moderation it gives the reader a glimpse of who the character really is. I'm Christian so I do sometimes struggle with issues like this. I have chronic pain due to EDS and have met a lot of women that struggle even more than I do. Many of them are the sweetest people in the world, and it doesn't seem fair. There was one woman that had EDS, narcolepsy, and Multiple Sclerosis. She was in her 30s with 2 kids as well. I have yet to come up with an answer for things like this or if God even controls things like this.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to the excerpt. . . It seems like Marissa has had a tough life given her apathetic response to the question, like she's been asked the same thing many times before. Curious about her background. I thought you did a good job giving the reader enough to understand Marissa without giving too much away. Nicely done :)
The first time I read this nothing stood out in a bad way. I re-looked at the nodding head line and it doesn't sound awkward to me, but I'm a bit confused about the purpose. It seems like she is doing a subtle nod, and if she is anticipating the direction of the convo that means she is predicting what the counselor is asking, and that her answer is yes (indicated by the nod). But what follows isn't a yes or no question, so I'm a bit confused :$
Great snippet. From Marissa's response, it sounds like she's had a lot of adversity to overcome, and that's good because this is a character that readers care about (this trait always hooks me in). I'll be interested to know how Rayanne responds. I like how she's prodding Marissa :D.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence doesn't do it for me. My feeling is keep it simple and let Rayanne ask the question to spur an answer from Rissa. Therapy is complicated and a good counselor knows how to ask the right questions. Always fascinating snippets from you, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteNow I think it's just fine. The counselor is nodding her head in agreement, acknowledging that yup, some people seem to have it easy. Then tossing it out there that some people are always in a struggle. She then asks a question that clearly Makes Rayanne uncomfortable. Whether that's because Rayanne doesn't want to admit that she might be "whining" or admit that others lives might not be as good as they seem...that remains to be seen. But she clearly isn't wanting to examine this.
ReplyDeleteThat last line is what made it work for me.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised by Marissa's response. It says a lot about her mental state. The dialogue was smooth and interesting. Well done.
ReplyDeleteDialogue worked well. Very realistic responses.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue is very realistic. No one has a perfect life, but that's not something you want told at a moment like this.
ReplyDeleteThose do seem like good questions that the therapist is tossing out to her. I feel badly for your heroine, can't wait to learn more! Excellent excerpt...
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful scene to me. Very realistic, and I can feel confusing emotions that Marissa must be experiencing. Really nice snippet.
ReplyDeleteThe more I read this, Teresa, the more I like it. :)
ReplyDeleteThat last line says so much about Marissa and her mindset . . .
Poor Marissa. she must be so confused and frightened.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm seeing avoidance mechanism sliding in place. :) Well done!
ReplyDeleteI feel her bitterness and her desolation. She is complex and makes me so curious. Great 8.
ReplyDeleteWhat great interplay and characterization. I have a feeling this story is going to cut deep before it's over.
ReplyDeleteOh, I want to read more. This is a deep and heartfelt conversation they're having that can bring a lot of emotions out to the surface. Great snippet, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteTeresa, I know you know how much I love this snippet! :) So true, so true. Very deep! Sigh.
ReplyDelete