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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors December 28, 2014

Welcome Warriors. Last post of the year! I hope your Christmas or Chanukah was happy. And I wish joy, peace, love, and writing success for you in 2015. Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
          Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE     
          Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too. She'd been found in the desert alone after having just given birth. After spending a year being treated for being delusional-- she's convinced that her dreams are actually her missing memories, she's now working with a volunteer church counselor, Rayanne. 
    Continuing on from last week's 8, Marissa is meeting with  Rayanne. Last week, Rayanne spoke last. The final sentence was 
“People too often choose to conceal their pain, and suffer alone.”  In Marissa's POV:

In the silence that followed, Marissa felt naked and exposed.  Had this woman, little more than a stranger, just pegged her? Or maybe it wasn’t directed at her, just a statement in general about all of the people like her…struggling and alone. Moving on to something safe, to anything other than talking about flawed lives, she asked, “What was your childhood like, Rayanne?” 
           “It was good.”
Rayanne’s smile remained genuine; there must be no child-sized skeletons hiding in her closet.  “Just good?
 That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

44 comments:

  1. Nicely done. It's hard to tell if Marissa is just being overly sensitive or not, and I like intrigue.

    Happy New Year!

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  2. "Just good" is enough for most of us. :)

    I'm fascinated by Marissa's struggles. I wonder where she'll end up---happier, I hope!

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    1. Thanks, Sarah :-) She ends up far away--in her dreams, or her memories. :-)

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  3. When someone answers , "Good," I always think maybe not so good. Interesting eight as Marissa probes the world around her.
    Touching eight.
    On the eve of the New Year, I wish you and your family the happiest healthy coming 2015 and beyond.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine. It's a fine line to walk--between having her struggle and having her seen as pathetic. :-)

      Thanks for the New Year's wish. You know I hope the same for you and yours. :-)

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  4. Nice redirectional tactic to turn the focus on the other person. I doubt if Rayanne will fall for it. I like the line about the child-sized skeletons- obviously Marissa has some even if she doesn't remember. Their interaction continues to be intriguing.

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    1. :-) Can't blame a gal for trying to redirect. ;-) Thanks, Alexis!

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  5. I'm glad Marissa isn't convinced by Rayanne's answer. I don't think it's "just good". I'm learning more about your characters. Great snippet! I don't have a snippet today, unfortunately.

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    1. I hope you get a chance to get back at wewriwa soon, Frank. I hope you've had a good vacation. :-)

      Thanks for visiting. :-) That's something I love about this group. Even when we don't post, we visit. :-) Best online group there is!

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  6. This story continues to be really intriguing and I'm with the other commenters that your use of words is heightening the mystery! Excellent excerpt!

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  7. Love the interaction between the characters. I'm intrigued to know more.

    Hope you have a Happy New Year!!

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    1. Thanks, Karen. Hope your new Year is happy too! :-)

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  8. "...no child-sized skeletons hiding in her closet." Very effective description that makes me feel Marissa's pain and see Rayanne as an innocent, uncomplicated, soul.

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    1. Yep. Thanks, Gem. Dang, I feel good that you could see that! :-) Have a good New Year!

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  9. I agree with the others about the use of language. Maybe the best part was the child-sized skeleton hiding in the closet.

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  10. "Just good?" certainly opens the door to more possible revelations. I really like the "child size skeletons."

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  11. Loved the 'child-sized skeletons' line too. Excellent excerpt, Teresa! Happy New Year! :)

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  12. Eek, I hate that feeling after discussing personal information, you did a great job describing it. It truly does make you feel naked and disclosed. Great eight! Teresa, wishing you the happiest New Year Ever, hoping all is well with you and that it starts wonderfully.xo

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    1. :-) Glad you agree, Neva. Thanks for visiting. Happy New Year!

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  13. great job conveying the feeling, seems like she won't last long against the prodding :-) happy new year, Teresa !!

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    1. Thanks, Elena! ;-) Happy New Year to you as well! :-)

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  14. Well, her answer is appropriate for a counselor, I think. I imagine Rayanne wouldn't want to share a lot of details about her own life since Marissa is the one being counseled. And she's probably wise to diversion tactics... :-D

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  15. To me, good is another pleasantry like fine. We all say it but don't mean it most of the time. Great snippet! Happy New Year and all the best to you and yours!

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    1. Good point, Dani. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  16. While it may be just counselor's standard answer, I get the impression that the line "just good" is a trigger to Marissa who is probably remembering "without remembering" her own past. Lots of questions implied here. Very well done snippet.
    Wishing you and yours a happy New Year.

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  17. Very good imagery and emotional connection with the reader. Who hasn't felt exposed by a seemingly offhand comment. Though coming from a councilor, I doubt any comment is made offhand... Great 8, I can't wait to read more!

    Happy New Year!

    (Just a quick style note, the different colored highlighting on the page and the colored lettering makes it very difficult to read. I had to highlight the entire page with my cursor in order to actually be able to read the lead up and snippet. You may want to consider changing the highlighting or the contrasting lettering to make it easier to read.)

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    1. Thanks, Christina.

      I'll consider new colors, but have to stick with some highlighting. Since the background is dark some people can't read it on mobile devices. Maybe go beige/black and just change up the font. Thanks for letting me know. :-)

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  18. They're definitely sizing each other up, trying to gather information without showing too much. I like the guarded dialogue versus the worried internal thoughts.

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  19. You can feel the undercurrents of what they're thinking. It's really good, the important stuff often lies under the words. :-)

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  20. I loved your snippet. I like that she's hiding a past, maybe Rayanne will be good to her :) I really enjoyed her inner-thoughts showing vulnerability

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  21. I love this snippet, with all the emotional language and undercurrents. Like other commenters, I also liked the line about the child-sized skeleton.

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    1. :-) So glad that "child-sized skeletons" resonated. Thanks, Carrie-Anne! Happy New Year!

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  22. That last line is a killer. She'll be forced to Think over her answer now, won't she? Happy new year, Teresa! To more wonderful snippets this 2015!

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    1. Thanks, Elyzabeth! Yes, indeed, to more wonderful snippets in 2015! :-)

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