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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors January 11, 2014



Welcome Warriors. I hope you're all staying warm.  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
          Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE     
          Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too.  After spending a year being treated for being delusional-- she's convinced that her dreams are actually her missing memories, she's now working with a volunteer church counselor, Rayanne. 
    Marissa is meeting with  Rayanne.
I've skipped ahead a bit to where Rayanne is sharing a bit about her own childhood.  Rayanne is speaking.

"I was lucky. Had two parents who loved me, raised me in the church. I went to public schools, went to Sunday school, worked in the summers at my dad’s small company until I was through college. I got a job in Cincinnati when I was twenty-three, married at twenty-five,”  She stopped and looked away for a few seconds, inhaled deeply and continued. “I lost my husband in a car crash. He was driving home from work. He’d taken a different route so he could stop to pick up a bouquet for me; it was our tenth anniversary." 

 That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-) 

39 comments:

  1. Yikes. That one stabs right in the heart and twists. Nicely done, Teresa!

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    1. It's coming. Your comment gives me pause. I'm sensitive toward how long it takes to get back to Rissa's story, and move it ahead in the book. It's hard with the 8 sentence limitation to really gauge how the story is moving... Thanks, Cara! :-)

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  3. Oh, poor Rayanne! But maybe this will help Marissa open up to her more, knowing she's experienced tragedy, too. Great snippet, as usual!

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    1. Yeppers, Christina. I think it'll work :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  4. Well done. Rayanne is the one Marissa can relate to for she had lost a loved one. Beautifully written, Teresa.

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  5. That's a terrible loss to have had to go through. Hopefully now Marissa will be able to relate to her better.

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    1. That was why she opened up. I think it'll work. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Carrie-Anne!

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  6. I enjoyed the sincerity behind this snippet, you have captured her emotion and resignation in opening up, 'She stopped and looked away for a few seconds, inhaled deeply and continued.' superbly!

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    1. I'm so glad that worked! Thanks, Gemma! :-)

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  7. What a painful memory to recount. Good snippet, Teresa. :)

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  8. You're back!!! Yay!!! I just joined the fb group also. That snippet was amazing, totally didn't see that coming. Poor woman. :(

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  9. Powerful in an understated way. I feel like Rayanne wouldn't talk about her tragedy if she didn't think it would help Marissa open up. Hopefully this will help draw her out of her emotional isolation.

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    1. Yay! I'm so glad you see the purpose of Rayanne's candid sharing. Thanks, Alexis!

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  10. Didn't see that coming. Great job with the emotional conflict and twist.

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  11. So Rayanne has known loss, too . . . Maybe Marissa will be able to open up to her now, knowing that?

    Excellent, Teresa---heart-wrenching, but excellent! :)

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    1. I'm glad you see that, Sarah. That's the idea. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  12. Oh, no! Killed on their anniversary? That's awful!

    What kind of bouquet? What flowers? What color? Do they have children? What about the crash--was it weather, an obstructed stop sign, brake failure, a drunk driver? I need details.

    Please post the next eight in the scene next Sunday!

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    1. Thanks, Kate. I don't want to detail the writing to the point of tedium. This is scifi lolol. Scifi readers tend to have a bit less patience than litfic readers. :-)

      Yes, I'll continue this next week. :-)

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  13. Awww... poignant and sad. I didn't see this coming either. Beautiful snippet.

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    1. Thanks, Gem. This follows their discussion about perfect lives. Maybe in the larger context it works. Isn't that the hard part of writing--seeing what works and what doesn't? :-)

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  14. Very sad incident from her past so hopefully this will help the heroine open up more. Well done!

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    1. :-) That IS the goal, Veronica...to have the reader want to see Marissa open up too. :-)

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  15. Such a sad incident. I didn't see it comiong.

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    1. :-) Thanks, Elaine. She gave no indication ahead of time. Marissa really doesn't know her well, yet. And this follows the part where they discuss people with perfect lives.

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  16. The second part of the dialogue (after the tagline) is very well-done. Nice multi-layered emotions. I'm wondering if the first half should be trimmed or repurposed to focus on the husband. It's not badly written and I'm not against the quick overview of Rayanne's life, I'm just wondering how to best serve the emotional impact. Up to you!

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    1. Giving it some thought, Aheila. Thank you :-) !

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  17. It all works.
    Don't change a thing.

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  18. Really liked this little snippet. The second portion of her statement is wonderfully understated. It's like you can feel the part of her that feels guilty for her husband's death.

    Others have mentioned the first half, and I actually think it's fine just the way it is. I think my problem is that I feel the turn between 'I was lucky" and "here's where I wasn't lucky" is perhaps overly understated? But then again, if you weren't constrained sentence-wise that turn might be made more pronounced in later sentences, so I wouldn't want to suggest changing a thing unless I could read the rest of the scene.

    Very nice, very real, little snippet. :-)

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    1. Thank you, Amalie, for the excellent observation. I'll rethink it. :-)

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  19. I like how she takes a deep breath before she reveals her husband had died in a car crash. That's so sad. I liked her dialogue; it sounded real.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  20. Thanks, Yawatta! You keep smiling too!

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  21. a week late - how the heck did I miss this last week?! (somehow I missed it as I looked for it)
    This snippet really grabs the heart-strings. Very well done.
    Ok, now I am on to this week's snippet.

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