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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: August 9, 2015


 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-)  Another week has passed, so it's time for the Warriors to gather  again. :-)     

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . This week, a bit of thinking of going on.  Last week, the reader got a good look at the male MC  from the female MC's POV.  He's been injured. The final sentence was:
The corners of his lips turned up, then he relaxed against her shoulder and closed his eyes.

We continue from there:
At every sound, pin-prickles rose on her skin: metal groaning, an animal caterwauling, and a intermittent drip somewhere in the black unknown. She studied the man slumped against her shoulder. What was he? 
She should run. She should at least be afraid of him. Names drifted to her from a history class she wished she'd paid more attention in: Attila, Genghis, Alaric. Christ, didn’t they butcher women and children along with the men? She looked into the darkness, focusing on nothing while she thought it through. In the end, she decided he was in no shape to hurt her anyway. 
      
 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

48 comments:

  1. Human history is not a comforting way to daydream about knights! I very seldom ended very well. Thank goodness he seems to be something else. Awesome atmosphere Teresa

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    1. Thanks, Kim! Yep. Historically, knights were mere humans, with good and bad among them. Now, we tend to romanticize them. :-)

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  2. Intense scene. I like how she thought everything through before making her decision. :) .

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    1. Thanks, Karen. I'm glad the rational moment came through. This situation is ongoing, and she can't be hysterical all of the time. :-)

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  3. Very intense! Yes she should be scared! I'm scared! Great writing!

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  4. Great Eight, Teresa. She's conflicted, for sure. He seems too out of it to hurt her, though. It takes a great History professor to seal those figures in our minds.

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    1. Hmm, wonder if I should reword that sentence to show that the history class (she wished she paid more attention in) was a credit she needed??

      Thanks for the food for thought. :-)

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  5. Interesting how comfortable he seems compared to her feelings.

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    1. Hmm, he's injured and kind of out of it. Maybe that comes through if the chapter is read at one sitting?

      Thanks for visiting, Aurora. :-)

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  6. I'd be scared too. Super intense. I saw where you visited my Saturday Sample, but if you'd care to keep following the Return Engagement excerpts, the post is up now. I thought I published it before I went to sleep, but I didn't.

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    1. Thanks, Elaine. :-)

      I was making early rounds--and knew it was your Saturday post. Just wanted to leave a comment on it. :-) That was a good book!

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  7. I'm guessing he's comfortable because he knows he's safe from her (perhaps b/c he's a predator at rest) while her instincts scream at her that he's dangerous. Fantastic snippet.

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  8. Intense, but....
    shouldn't there be a comma after Christ?
    The way it reads now, he's included with the butchers. And maybe make it clear that it's a thought:
    "Christ, didn't they...etc."

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    1. ~blushing~

      Chip, you are my hero. :-)

      Thank you!

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  9. Well done. She's thought her situation through and now for better or worse she's satisfied. I like your heroine.

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  10. I like scenes like this. not only is he trusting her by closing his eyes but she's trusting he's not going to hurt her.

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    1. Yep. They need each other. :-) Thanks, Michelle!

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  11. I like scenes like this too. They're both vulnerable. She had some serious doubts about him which is perfectly understandable. If he's not human, maybe he heals super fast and could still be a threat. But if she lets herself get paralyzed with fear, she won't be able to help either of them. She's a neat character!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia!! I wanted to show her flip-flopping early in the story. She's a human faced with something extraordinary. It was actually a pretty fun book to write. :-)

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  12. Wonderful snippet, my only little hangup was, like FC, that comma where Christ was included in the butchers.

    Your writing is just superb. I look forward to paying my weekly homage to this superior blog!

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    1. Thank you, Sara! Comma fix taken care of. :-)

      And thanks for your encouraging words. :-)

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  13. I like her assumptions about the probability of his savagery based on his mode of dress and weaponry. And I can't wait to see her reaction when the spaceships turn up. :D

    (Turn that pesky Christ comma into a period and everything should be fine. ;) )

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    1. Haha! Yep. Punctuation in order now--so as not to malign Christ. :-)

      She is trying to analyze her situation and everyone/everything in it. Her reaction is priceless.

      Thanks for visiting, Sarah!

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  14. This scene is getting more and more intriguing. I can only imagine her reaction when she finds out what/who he really is.

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    1. Oh, I hope I've written it well enough that the reader feels it, too! Thanks, Carrie-Anne!

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  15. Sensible lady - scares herself and then calms back down. I enjoyed the details of what she could hear around her...can't wait for more of the story!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica! She is trying to stay calm and be sensible. :-)

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  16. Whoa! I'm so glad I'm not in her position. There's no way I would be so calm. Great snippet, Teresa!

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  17. Wow, how evocative. This has got to be one of my favorite snippets of all time, and as I always enjoy your posts, that's really saying something. Great job!

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    1. Haha--my hat doesn't fit after reading your comment, Rose. :-) Thank you!

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  18. Love how you set the scene for all of us to experience it, wonderful job. I like her reasoning, a cautious acceptance of his vulnerable state. Very, very intriguing.

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  19. Well, I hope she's right about him not going to hurt her! Just because he looks scary doesn't mean he hurts women, though.

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    1. Absolutely true, Caitlin. I hope that becomes clear as the beginning progresses. Thanks for weighing in!

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  20. Okay, I'm curious as to what he really is. It it was brought out before, I missed that snippet.

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    1. It's unfolding. The reader isn't sure yet. :-) Thanks for visiting, Dani. :-)

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  21. It's so easy to picture this scene and put myself in the heroine's place, not that I want to! lol, I'm just as nervous as she is. But let's hope she's right and this...thing won't do her any harm. Well done! :)

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    1. :-) Harm ahead, but of the emotional variety. Thanks for visiting, Evelyn!

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  22. Popped right into that scene - great job.

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    1. Thanks, Daryl! That's great to know :-)

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  23. I'm glad she's going to stay, and give him a chance - and I'm glad she's wary of danger....

    Nicely written. I hope they'll both be all right in the end.

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