Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday,
and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This
is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . This week, Marrisa is intrigued by his eyes.
Last week, the reader got a good look at him, from her POV. The final sentence was: Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Black as ebony? Only things in fairy tales are black as ebony, except of course, ebony.
We continue from there:
He winced while he tried to sit up straight.
She shuddered.
His eyes really weren't right. Not only were they a weird shade of gold, the pupils
were long and narrow. He had animal eyes. She wondered
if he could see in the dark like cats did. And come to think of it, his eyes looked
fever-glazed. Maybe it was just how they were? She laid her wrist against his forehead. The corners of his lips
turned up, then he relaxed against her shoulder and closed his eyes.
That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)
Oh my! What has she gotten herself into? At least he is not hostile - at the moment.
ReplyDeleteNo, he's not hostile toward her. :-) Thanks for visiting, Kim. :-)
DeleteI'd be freaked out to see a pair of eyes like those, as interesting as they sound on paper.
ReplyDeleteMe too, Carrie-Anne! Thanks for visiting. :-)
DeleteWow! Vivid, terrifying, yet somehow beautiful description -- nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Steven! :-)
DeleteCat eyes always set an eerie mood.
ReplyDeleteGood. They're in an eerie situation right now. Thanks, Cara!
DeleteGreat Eight, Teresa! Fever-glazed animal eyes, oh my...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Paula. :-)
DeleteWay cool,as the kids say. I love this snippet with cat like eyes.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Charmaine! :-)
DeleteSounds like he has cat-eyes. Intriguing! Now I expect him to start purring. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Christina!
DeleteGreat description. Sounds like she has a panther in her lap. Hope he doesn't wake up hungry.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexis. :-)
DeleteHe relaxes like a house cat.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aurora! :-)
DeleteI want to READ this! Another excellent excerpt...
ReplyDeleteWhen I get it to Beta condition, would you read it? Thanks for your continued encouragement, Veronica. :-)
DeleteI loved his reaction to her touch! Always great to read your excerpts.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rose! Good to see you here! :-)
DeleteTotally taken in by the cat-like eyes and his reaction to her touch; makes for an intriguing male specimen.
ReplyDeleteOne question, maybe some mention was made between last week's and this snippet, but how did his eyes go from black as ebony to a weird shade of gold?
Great snippet. (original comment deleted due to [embarrassing] typo)
Thanks, Chelle. It's his hair that is black as ebony--like the Sleeping Beauty fairy-tale. :-)
DeleteThis 'animal' seems friendly so far. Very intriguing character.
ReplyDeleteYeppers, so far. Thanks for visiting, Elaine. :-)
DeleteCreepy!! Animalescent, fever glazed eyes -- awesome!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sara. :-) Creepy in an oddly handsome way??? lol
DeleteA fever-ridden, animal-eyed, ebony creature. Quite a picture you're painting.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ed :-)
DeleteSounds like she's found someone interesting. I bet he'll be even more so when he's feeling better.
ReplyDeleteMuch more so. Thanks, Caitlin!
DeleteCool! Cat eyes. Think he's enjoying her comforting. Can't wait to get his take on her! Hope he's not sick.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dani!
DeleteGreat way to describe a smile. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chip. :-)
DeleteThe details make this description fantastic. Seems like sick or not, he's enjoying her company.
ReplyDeleteHe is, in a delirious sort of way. :-) Thanks, Gem!
Delete