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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: August 2, 2015


 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) Happy August!   And another week has passed, so it's time for the Warriors to gather  again. :-)             


Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . This week, Marrisa is intrigued by his eyes.  Last week, the reader got a good look at him, from her POV.  The final sentence was:
Black as ebony? Only things in fairy tales are black as ebony, except of course, ebony.  


We continue from there:


He winced while he tried to sit up straight.

 She shuddered. His eyes really weren't right. Not only were they a weird shade of gold, the pupils were long and narrow. He had animal eyes. She wondered if he could see in the dark like cats did. And come to think of it, his eyes looked fever-glazed. Maybe it was just how they were? She laid her wrist against his forehead. The corners of his lips turned up, then he relaxed against her shoulder and closed his eyes.
      
 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

38 comments:

  1. Oh my! What has she gotten herself into? At least he is not hostile - at the moment.

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    1. No, he's not hostile toward her. :-) Thanks for visiting, Kim. :-)

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  2. I'd be freaked out to see a pair of eyes like those, as interesting as they sound on paper.

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    1. Me too, Carrie-Anne! Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  3. Wow! Vivid, terrifying, yet somehow beautiful description -- nicely done!

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  4. Cat eyes always set an eerie mood.

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    1. Good. They're in an eerie situation right now. Thanks, Cara!

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  5. Great Eight, Teresa! Fever-glazed animal eyes, oh my...

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  6. Way cool,as the kids say. I love this snippet with cat like eyes.

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  7. Sounds like he has cat-eyes. Intriguing! Now I expect him to start purring. :-)

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  8. Great description. Sounds like she has a panther in her lap. Hope he doesn't wake up hungry.

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  9. I want to READ this! Another excellent excerpt...

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    1. When I get it to Beta condition, would you read it? Thanks for your continued encouragement, Veronica. :-)

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  10. I loved his reaction to her touch! Always great to read your excerpts.

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    1. Thanks, Rose! Good to see you here! :-)

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  11. Totally taken in by the cat-like eyes and his reaction to her touch; makes for an intriguing male specimen.

    One question, maybe some mention was made between last week's and this snippet, but how did his eyes go from black as ebony to a weird shade of gold?

    Great snippet. (original comment deleted due to [embarrassing] typo)

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    1. Thanks, Chelle. It's his hair that is black as ebony--like the Sleeping Beauty fairy-tale. :-)

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  12. This 'animal' seems friendly so far. Very intriguing character.

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    1. Yeppers, so far. Thanks for visiting, Elaine. :-)

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  13. Creepy!! Animalescent, fever glazed eyes -- awesome!!

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    1. Thanks Sara. :-) Creepy in an oddly handsome way??? lol

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  14. A fever-ridden, animal-eyed, ebony creature. Quite a picture you're painting.

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  15. Sounds like she's found someone interesting. I bet he'll be even more so when he's feeling better.

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  16. Cool! Cat eyes. Think he's enjoying her comforting. Can't wait to get his take on her! Hope he's not sick.

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  17. Great way to describe a smile. Kudos!

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  18. The details make this description fantastic. Seems like sick or not, he's enjoying her company.

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    1. He is, in a delirious sort of way. :-) Thanks, Gem!

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