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This snippet is from Emmily, Unbound, an SFR story. Emmily, the main character, has lost pretty much everything in the last twelve months: her marriage, her parents, her job, and her house. She and her dog, Murphy, are moving to an old hunting camp her parents willed to her. It's remote, in the mountains of Pennsylvania. After arriving at near dark, she saw someone in the woods at the edge of her yard. She ran back in the house and has systematically (while trying not to freak out) checked locks, closed curtains, and thought through what to do to stay safe.
This snippet is from Emmily, Unbound, an SFR story. Emmily, the main character, has lost pretty much everything in the last twelve months: her marriage, her parents, her job, and her house. She and her dog, Murphy, are moving to an old hunting camp her parents willed to her. It's remote, in the mountains of Pennsylvania. After arriving at near dark, she saw someone in the woods at the edge of her yard. She ran back in the house and has systematically (while trying not to freak out) checked locks, closed curtains, and thought through what to do to stay safe.
There could be wonky punctuation to keep within wewriwa guidelines.
Last week's snippet (she's talking about a broom-- and she has a paring knife) ended with this: I can whack someone from a distance with it. I pray I
don’t have to use either.
The snippet:
When
my breathing slows and my racing heart calms, when I can think again, I pick
up a notebook full of my writing notes and turn to a blank page. Squinting, at the fringes of the firelight, I make a list. Baseball bat is on the top line because…it’s not a bad idea. Next are
window blinds and cleaners--make that a boatload of cleaning supplies. Then I
add the groceries I’ll need for a couple of weeks, starting with water for drinking and
cooking.
The list is long when I finally can’t force my eyes to stay
open. After one last check on the chairs propped against the doors, I crawl
into a sleeping bag on the living room floor.
Fire-shadows play and dance, flickering on the walls and the ceiling as my racing thoughts finally slow. Instead of counting sheep, I repeat over and over, "There wasn’t anyone in the woods." As I drift off,
I clench the broom handle, because no matter what I tell myself, I know what I
saw…
That's it for this week. It finishes chapter one in the book. Thanks for visiting! I am truly grateful for
comments and suggestions, and for you taking the time to read it.
Great first chapter. She's the kind of character who's the best for horror-story''s night alone in the woods -- prepared, intelligent, and not about to make stupid mistakes. (That's not to say she might not make an intelligent mistake, of course.)
ReplyDeleteDoesn't seem like she's even convincing herself. Great snippet
ReplyDeleteTrouble afoot, I fear. You have put so much into this terrific girl. She is strong but she is in big trouble. A gem, my friend.
ReplyDeleteAt least she managed to fall asleep. I look forward to what chapter two brings!
ReplyDeleteI just hope she makes it through the night! We too know what she saw and it likely is dangerous. Is she really cut out for this kind of isolated life? Somehow, I think she may not have a choice. Great end to the first chapter!
ReplyDeleteOkay - she's calmer now. But will she have a rude awakening?
ReplyDeleteGreat first chapter. I'm right there with her.
ReplyDeleteWell good, I'm glad she does admit to herself she saw something in the woods, even if she's trying not to panic. As always, smoothly written and so many great details...I'll definitely keep reading! Great snippet...
ReplyDeleteI'm not so sure I'd sleep on the floor--mice. I had to sleep on the floor one night after cleaning out a cottage where we found lots of mice deposits. Nightmares of mice walking over the sleeping bag.
ReplyDeleteLooks like I missed a few snippets so I read back to catch up. She's armed herself, good! And obviously nobody's tried to break in. The transition to sleep is good but maybe could use a bit more indication of the passage of time. It should take a couple of hours before fatigue finally overcomes the tension.
ReplyDeleteI felt like I was there with her in the room. She's a braver girl than I am. I'd probably have left and hunted a good motel until I could buy that bat.
ReplyDeleteShe's trying not to panic even though she knows she saw something. Better hang onto the broom stick. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteOh my gravy! I can't wait to finally find out what it is she saw.
ReplyDeleteLove that ending. Enticing snippet.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling,
Yawatta