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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: July 8th, 2012

Hello, talented fellow sixers and lovely readers.  This week, back to "Across the Night Sky".

In the SSS posts for the last two weeks, Marissa completed her first journal entry.  The journal is being kept at the request of a volunteer counselor in an effort to help Marissa distinguish dreams from reality. Now, she's facing the day.

This week's six:

"Marissa closed the journal Rayanne had given her, clipping the pen over the cover, then slid it into her backpack.    

She made her way from the relative quiet of the Allegheny River shore ,toward traffic, businesses,  and maybe even a meal.

Upriver was the familiarity of the old, crumbling, red brick factory that was home. She didn’t know how long she’d have it—her pauper’s refuge. There were fewer and fewer abandoned buildings left standing, a result of the city’s focus on revitalization.

Continuing upriver from Allegheny Center toward the stadiums, she watched a steady stream of people avoid her.  Just as well.  It made it easier to slip behind the hot dog shop and rifle through their garbage." 

That's it for this week.

Comments, criticisms...and just plain "Hellos" are accepted with a smile.

To read the Six Sentence Snippets from other talented writers, click HERE

Thanks for visiting and have a great week, all! :-)

26 comments:

  1. Your description of upriver hits close to home. One of the factory cities happens to sit right on Lake Michigan, which used to be home to some lovely looking old factories and stunning homes. Instead of keeping the area up, the city let it fall apart and sprawled inland. It's very sad, and seems like a horrible waste.

    Your six this week has a nice smooth flow, is well written, and has a beautiful melancholy feel. Excellent job.

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    1. Thanks, Jess! I can't imagine what it must be like to live in such a (blighted) place. There is a documentary about Detroit that made me so sad when I watched it. The blighted area is enormous. How do we make it better? How do we fix it? So many questions and too few people searching for the answers, I fear.

      Thank you for your kind words. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Jessica! And thanks for all you do for SSS, :-)

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  3. Very atmospheric! I can almost hear the crowd and smell the hotdogs. Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Kate :-) Aspire to: having the reader hear and smell the story :-)

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  4. Hello! :) I like this scene, especially because of the city atmosphere, creating both a burden and a chance to make a big haul for Marissa, each and every day.
    I agree with Jess, these are wonderfully written, smooth flowing six. One question though (I wanted to ask you this anyways): Is revitalization a term you came up with or is this a common expression in urban life planning? I've never heard it before, and it sounds so SciFi!

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    1. Thanks, Dana! It is a double-edged sword, huh? A burden and a chance. :-)

      Revitalization is real word in English. I haven't checked the etymology. It is often used as a "buzzword" by politicians who are campaigning for election. Successful revitalization of blighted city areas earns rave reviews--many accolades for mayors--and any other politician who can associate his name with it ;-).

      And I think it's very cool that you find it sounding so SciFi ;-)

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  5. Hi Teresa. I love how you tie emotions to her suroundings. I can identify with her type of area too, because my city has been in decline for a bunch of years. Their answer for abandoned buildings is to knock them down, leaving so many gaping holes throughout the neighborhoods that I feel like I'm living in Swiss cheese. Very interested to see what happens next with Marissa.

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    1. Thanks, Marcia! It is a tough call. The idea of living in a blighted area is scary to me (but am doing my best to think it through thoroughly). My experience has been all rural. Some of it qualifies as rural poverty, but the crime and danger don't exist out here like they do in urban areas.

      Swiss cheese? :-D You must be a writer ;-) Thank you for visiting.

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  6. "Her pauper's refuge." Those three words tie together the fatalist desperation of your scene's descriptions. Love it!

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    1. Thanks, Mac :-) She is desperate... :-) I'm glad you liked it!

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  7. Wonderful Six, Teresa.

    Through my experience what few possessions I had, I guarded with my life; I can sense her attachment to the journal in the same light.

    Your description of a crumbling city and how it symbolizes her crumbling life is a wonderful technique. This is one of my favorite Six's.

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    1. Wow! Thank you, M.L. I had no idea you lived such an experience. I've lived in poverty, but was never homeless. I try to imagine, you know? But...I'm pretty sure that even my sharpest imaginings don't capture it. If you see something out of line, please...sing out. I would be ever so grateful. :-)

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  8. Wow, I loved that last line. You really know how to engage, Teresa! Fantastic 6!! :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Marie! Help. I'm trying to find your blog. When I click on your image here, it takes me to Google+--you're in my circles but I can't find your blog through there. When I click on your image on friend connect, it shows me the blogs you follow. lol...I thought I found you last week, but if I did. I can't figure out how I did! Holy cow--so tech challenged I am! Can you leave a link? Then I'll add you to my blogroll so I don't lose you again :-)

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  9. Fantastic six, with a great description that makes it so easy to visualise and feel the atmosphere.
    (Thanks for visiting my blog - and especially for buying my book! Hope you'll enjoy it, and maybe you will write a review for me?)

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    1. Thanks, Paula! You are welcome. I've been reading snippets of Changing the Future, and I like what I've read. I do leave reviews for books on Amazon. I'm not good at leaving bad reviews, so for my own peace of mind, this is how I approach them. If I can rate the book 4 or 5 stars, I will--and leave a review, too. Otherwise, I leave nothing. I know it might seem like a copout, but once a book is published, I see no benefit to posting a less than stellar review. If an author knows I've read their book but haven't left a review, and contacts me, I'll give them an honest review of it--privately. So, lol, if you check my review page on Amazon (Teresa Cypher--my real name), don't think I'm a pushover that loves every book I read. ;-) Sometimes I wonder if people do think that??? :-)

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  10. Love the emphasis on how revitalization has a possibly negative impact on her life. Great six, Teresa.

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    1. Thanks, Kate. :-) Glad you caught that. I didn't want to sound like I was beating a dead horse. But, when the old is razed to make way for the new, there's always someone sad to see the old buried or shoved aside. Sort of like people, huh? :-)

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  11. Great descriptives here, Teresa! Love the darkness about her. Makes me want to get inside and know more. Great 6!

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    1. Thank you, LJ. Those were good words to read--that you want to know more. :-)

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  12. Terrific scene building, Teresa, as ever. Solid stuff!

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  13. hi! Looks like a very interesting read~chEErs:-)

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