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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday August 5, 2012



Hope everyone had a good week. It's August already! Time is flying.

Six Sentence Sunday--for anyone who doesn't know, is a blog hop. Participants post six sentences from a piece of their writing.  Participants then visit other participants by clicking on their links on the linkylist, or clicking on their photos on comments following posts.  Be sure to sign up at, and link to the official Six Sentence Sunday .

This week, back to my WIP, ATNS.  Homeless, Marissa, has just gorged herself on four (took your advice, Jess Shira ) hotdogs she dug out of a trashcan behind a restaurant. She is settling down for the night in a crumbling old factory--feeling fortunate to have roof over her head.

This snippet is a bit long, but I'm wrapping up her waking hours.  Next week I'll be shifting into her dream sequence.

"She lay down on her bed, no more than pile of rags—old coats and a tattered blanket.  Gazing out the now shut window, as her eyes adjusted to the deepening night, the few brightest stars appeared.  Looking at them, she was overcome with hope.

Maybe this time.  Maybe Rayanne was right.  Gavin, her missing baby, a job, respect, looking in a mirror without seeing shame staring back.  Her life.  Maybe this really was the start of getting it back.  “Please…if there is a god--and  and you’re  listening, help me find my way back to the world of the sane.”

Her eyes grew heavy.  Survival was hard work.  Her breaths became even and deep, and any tension left in her body escaped as she relaxed into sleep."

All comments and criticisms accepted with gratitude. 

Have a good week, all. :-)

36 comments:

  1. I do hope Marissa is really on the road to getting her life back! Very moving, Teresa!

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  2. I really like the way you handled this scene, you did a really, really nice job. I like the fact that, despite the fact that her current circumstances are about as bad as they can get, she still has hope and some faith. Excellent job!

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  3. Very evocative. I love "deepening night", much better than "the darkness"; and "shame staring back." I get a strong sense of her refusal to give up. :)

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    1. Thanks, Marcia! I put a permanent link on my blog to the Writer's Diet assessment tool. It really makes problems visual. Not a fix-all, but wow...the things it makes obvious. Thanks again for a great find!

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  4. Nice snippet. The last line made me relax!

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    1. Thanks, Ann! Glad you reacted. That is good to read! :-)

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  5. Very poignant, especially her wish to return to the world of the sane.

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    1. Monica, thank you so much. When is your book being released? I visited your blog--wow, it looks like a fantastic read. And congrats on making it so far in ABNA!

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  6. I agree with Owllady. I like Marissa and her will to survive. How far along are you on this story? I'd love to read the entire novel!

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  7. Oh my, Jane, it's rather in a state of disarray--for lack of a better description. Written (for the most part) in 2005. Disassembled in 2008, reassembled in 2009, shelved in 2009, dusted off and look at (hard) in 2010. Pulled off the shelf about a month ago and doing a serious and grueling POV edit. I'm not sure where I'm heading with it. If I will shop it or self-pub it. At the rate I'm going, it might be ready by ABNA time--end of January, lol...I'm not sure. But, I will likely continue posting my struggles as they develop ;-). Somewhere along the line I'll be looking for Beta readers *hint-hint* :-) Thanks for visiting and reading :-)

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  8. I really like that there's still a little hope in her heart. that's beautifully done. Well done.

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  9. Thanks, Elin. I think she lives the adage, When all else is gone...there should still be hope. :-)

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  10. A touching scene. The sadness and the underlying hope come through clearly. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you, Goran. It's so good to read that. :-)

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  11. Oh, poor girl. I hope this is a turning point for her.

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  12. It's amazing how well you capture her internal thoughts. That payer she says is so familiar! As I have said before this story really hits home for me because I was where she is and said a similar prayer many times.

    wonderful writing, Teresa!

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    1. Hi M.L. Wow, your comments make me want to cry. I can only try to imagine. I've never been homeless, and feel blessed for that. There but for the grace of... as the saying goes. Thank you so much for visiting and reading. :-)

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  13. This was beautiful Teresa! M.L. was right when he said it's amazing the way you capture her thoughts and it makes us sink right in! Great 6!

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    1. Hi L.J. It has taken a bit, but I'm finally grasping POV. I wish I could recall on whose blog I read a post about deep POV. It made all the difference to me. So little time. So much yet to learn. Thank you so much! :-)

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  14. So poignant. I love that she was "overcome" with hope, not just grasping at it -- it demonstrates her strength and resilience. :)

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    1. Thanks for picking out that word, Donna. I toyed with a couple choices, but "overcome" was what I really needed to convey. And I'm so glad that you noticed. :-)

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  15. She still has hope. That's awesome. I can't wait to read what happens to her next.

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    1. Thanks, Lyric! :-) A snippet here, a snippet there. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  16. This is very nice.

    "Gazing out the now shut window, as her eyes adjusted to the deepening night, the few brightest stars appeared."

    That...is gorgeous.

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    1. Thanks, Steven. That is a big compliment coming from you-- a master of description. :-)

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  17. I think this is really well done. A powerful, visual scene very well-described. I felt a great surge of empathy for Marissa and hope for a better life for her.

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    1. Thanks, MS! I am so relieved that her emotions are coming though. I tried for vulnerable, fragile, candid, yet tough. A tall order. :-)

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  18. Her prayer at the end signals a change coming soon. What an emotionally-charged story.

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    1. Thanks, Carrie! Yep...changes coming. :-)

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  19. Very powerful stuff. Is she actually struggling with mental health issues, or just with a life that seems to be spiraling out of control?

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    1. Hmm...I hadn't thought about a reader wondering if she has a clinical issue or just a crazy life. Clinical, by all appearances--delusional. :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

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  20. This is so beautiful I want to cry for her!
    Extremely powerful and tugs on your heart....

    I want to pray for her and I'm not religious ;)
    Awesome!!!

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