Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday: September 30th 2012

         This will be the last SSS post for September. Yikes!

For anyone who doesn't know, Six Sentence Sunday is a bloghop--and one of the friendliest. Participants post six sentences of their writing, then the fun begins. Readers hop from blog to blog, sharing opinions, critiques and encouragement.  We know what a solitary pursuit writing is--and Six Sentence Sunday is a great way to meet other writers, and take a break from our solitude. Complete rules and a sign up form are at the site here.

Returning to my WIP, ATNS, Marissa has been running for her life. The scene began with her playing hide and seek with her toddler.  Then, something strange happened--a blinding light and a disorienting sound. She's not at the State Park anymore, and her son is no longer with her.  Her situation has taken a turn toward the terrifying.  She's just witnessed a large, raging beast bite a person in half.  After fleeing, she found a dark doorway in which she's stepped through. Inside, the dimly lit room, she discovered an injured man. This is what happens next:


"Fear climbing her throat, she approached him. She forced her uneven breaths to slow, and with a voice just barely above a whisper, asked, “Are you Okay?  I won’t hurt you." Her eyes shifted from his face to his chest. "You’re bleeding.” After leaning down, she'd just begun to look at his wound when there was a ferocious bellow unlike anything she’d ever heard."

Next week, it shifts out of the dream, so this will be the end of a chapter. 

How's it look?


All comments, opinions, criticisms, greatly appreciated and graciously acknowledged.  Thanks for visiting, and have a wonderful week, all. :-)

26 comments:

  1. Oh no! I'd be ready to bolt out of there. Nice six! :)

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    1. Thanks, Jessica! I do wonder what people would do in such a situation. :-) Thanks for reading it.

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  2. She's brave. Great 6, Teresa. Lots of emotion.

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    1. Thanks, Kylie! :-) Brave--glad that you see that...

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  3. How you convey so much emotion in six sentences is just awesome!

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  4. Lots and lots of throbbing action that keeps my mind racing. I love her moxy, and her saying that she won't hurt him tells us so much about her - how she is still in charge, although the situation is unknown and deeply frightening. Amazing!

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    1. Really good observations, Dana! Amazing how dissecting writing a few sentences at a time, makes things jump out! :-)

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  5. Teresa, you've done an excellent job with the tension in this snippet. Kudos! The only teeny, tiny suggestion I have is that maybe you're second sentence should actually be two. Just a thought :)

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    1. Hi Jess. I was wishy-washy on how that should go. I think you're right. It is stronger with two sentences. :-) Thanks :-)

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  6. Still nicely creepy and suspenseful! I agree with maybe breaking up that last sentence, and nixing that capital O in Okay. I'm trying to imagine reading this whole scene all together and I'm supposing my eyes would be bugged out and I really would be on the edge of my seat :D

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    1. Hey Marcia! Yep--nice catch on the capital O. Thanks. :-) I hope that readers are bug-eyed and edge of their seats, lol! Sorry--you just gave a great visual :-)

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  7. Ack -- RUN!!! =D Nice tension, and another great Six! =D

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    1. Thanks, Steven! <---- The master of tension, himself!

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  8. Oh, man, not another danger! So much tension in these snippets, Teresa. And now she has to make a decision -- help him or run.

    (FYI, answers coming today. Have to beat down the perfectionist in me.)

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    1. Yep--decision time. :-) !

      I love your answers, by the way! Can't wait to get to that post :-)

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  9. Dream? It certainly has a nightmarish quality.

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    1. Point well taken, Sue Ann. Some of her dreams are downright beautiful, though... ;-)

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  10. Great six! You captured the dreamlike (and scary!) quality, for sure!

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  11. Certainly interested in reading more!
    This whole concept of "Six Sentence Sunday" is interesting too, but, the commitment seems a little daunting. What happens if it's Sunday and you don't have the time to post? Are there penalties? LOL

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  12. This short piece brought images to my mind of the creatures from Legion. So helpless seeming but deeply horrific. Great imagery, Teresa.

    How have you been?

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