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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors Feb 3, 2013

                                                                   

Weekend writing warriors, #8sunday on Twitter, welcome to my first post under the new banner.

The rules are simple. Sign up at Weekend Writing Warriors .  A new linky list will be posted each week, and remains open to new signups until 11:59 p.m. each Saturday evening.   Then Post 8 sentences of your writing, making sure to link back to the www.wewriwa.com site.  Your 8 sentences should be posted by 9:00 a.m. EST on Sunday.   Then visit other writers on the list, and leave comments.  This works best on reciprocity-- when someone leaves a comment, try to do the same for them in return. And have fun :-)

Returning to my WIP, ATNS: 

Last week, on the final sixsunday post, we left off with the heroine, Rissa, now in custody of Daekartha, the high King of Rialt. She's been forcibly separated from his grandson, and is considered by reason of her skin and eye color, and origins from an unknown world called, "Earth", an enemy of the Rialtan Kingdom.  But Daekartha is neither reckless nor impatient, understanding that there is great value in subduing the enemy, then observing. This all takes place during the grand celebration of the Giver (god), and she has gone from forced attendance at a holy house (church) to a dinner and gathering following that service. Daekartha is parading her, making an example to all who would toy with him--including his grandson.

This is a blessing before a meal (much like making the sign of the cross) of which she's familiar because the old Guard, Abraxum, taught her.

Rissa's POV

"The man from the holy house—dressed in royal blue robes with white sashes, stood and mumbled, his multiple chins jiggling through more words that Rissa bet were full of hypocrisy.  Following the lead of those around her, she bowed her head. Another blessing?  She raised her head when the room went silent except for the rustle of motion.  Like everyone in attendance, she placed her clenched fist over her heart, then kissed and opened it as she raised it to the ceiling, peering through outstretched fingers.  Abraxum's act had been much purer as he’d reached toward the visible heavens.  The lump forming in her throat kept pace with hot tears of anger swelling in her eyes while the truth sunk in--heaven wasn't visible from here. In fact, it was probably unreachable from here, too, because she truly was trapped in hell."

That's it.  Thoughts, opinions, critiques, all much appreciated.  Please find other 8sunday participants by clicking  HERE  And thank you so much for visiting. :-)


48 comments:

  1. You have a real talent for description, Teresa and a wonderful imagination. One could get lost in this tale, for sure.
    Happy 8 Sentence Sunday to you! :-)

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  2. :-) Thanks, Debbie! I hope this story does see the light of day, maybe by the end of the year. :-)

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  3. I love the subtle action in this snippet, Teresa, you've done great things with this story.

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    1. Thanks, Jess. And I owe much of what I've done, to fellow sixers. I've always admired you for pointing out things that don't look or feel right to you. :-)

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  4. I particularly love the first sentence and the way so few words give such a huge insight into Rissa's mindset and beliefs. It is also rather lovely how a mimicry of an act of faith is your tool for Rissa's to acknowledge how she truly feels about the situation. I did find the last half of the last sentence a little cliche to my taste but I think it is more that the snippet ends there and so forces you to dwell on it. I suspect that, in a full scene, I wouldn't have noticed it in the same way and it would merely have emphasised the horrible situation she is in.

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    1. Kizzia--taken to heart, and I've already found myself thinking about your comment, that sentence, and what I can do to improve it. Thanks :-)!!

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  5. This is my first encounter with your story, but hey, you drew me right in with the intensity of your description.

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  6. Excellent descriptions and that last line is powerful! Well done!

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  7. Very well written. Without knowing anything about the story, I already feel for our protagonist who is trapped within some type of secret she cannot share. Nice!

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    1. Thanks, Carmen! She's trapped, for sure. It all just went downhill in a hurry. :-)

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  8. Wow, this snippet knocks my socks off! So vivid, with a strong PoV, that I find myself immensely drawn to. And a fluidity that remains undisturbed throughout. Superb!

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    1. Haha! Makes my day to read those words, Dana. Thanks :-)

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  9. Poor Rissa. The final sentence really showed the enormity of her situation. I also like how you used the act of worship to show how much she misses Abraxum.

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  10. OH my goodness!! Such great imagery! Love the multiple chins!!

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    1. Haha! Thanks, Sarah. I could see them, and I'm glad that the reader can too. :-)

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  11. You've got her in a pickle. I love the last couple of sentences which showed me just how out of place she is.

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  12. Very vivid, from the blue of the robes to the clenched fist over the heart. Great Eight!

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    1. :-) Nice words to read, Ann. Thank you. :-)

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  13. Wow, Teresa, you paint a word picture so frightening and beautiful.

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  14. So vivid. And I could really feel her despair at the end. Great snippet!!

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    1. Thanks, Amy. She is about desperate. :-)

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  15. Intriguing snippet, Teresa. I liked her recognition of the difference between her motions and Abraxum's. :)

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    1. Thanks, Siobhan! Cool that you pointed that out. :-)

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  16. Extremely vivid snippet. I loved the multiple chins and assumed hypocrisy - that just resonated big time :)

    Good luck with this new venture. I like that you emphasize the importance of reciprocity. I tried SSS a few times before it closed down, and I found that element distinctly lacking - at least for a newcomer. I hope this incarnation breathes new life into the community.

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    1. Thanks, Ian. I'm tickled that I wrote something that seems to have resonated with so many!

      And, if today is any example (and I think it is) the reciprocity thing is all good. :-)

      Thanks for the well wish :-)

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  17. That's a very intriguing snippet and I want to read on. Can I make a comment (you did ask!!!). This sentence: "The lump in her throat was a struggle to swallow as it sunk in" - the "it" refers to the lump in her throat.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. You know, it felt awkward when I was trying to tweak it. I missed a comma for sure, but it's more than that. And I've not read it out loud yet. lol I might nix it altogether when I do that. :-)

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  18. Was she feeling that the guard's actions were puere than the priest's?

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    1. Yes, Sue Ann, that was exactly what she was feeling. :-) Thanks for visiting and reading it. :-)

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  19. Love the emotion of that last line, made more powerful by the ceremony. Lovely, Teresa!

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    1. Thanks, Monica, That means a lot to me. I'm still figuring it out. ;-)

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  20. I love the disparity between Rissa's beliefs and the ritual. Sounds like she has some inner rebellion brewing!

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    1. Thanks for giving it a read, Sarah. yep, an inner rebellion indeed. :-)

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  21. Interesting set up. Raises many questions inagoodway and makes me wonder what will happen next!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica! Yes, a rebellion, a lot of heartache ahead of her. :-)

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  22. Beautiful! I loved the visual's with this one. Triple chins...lol.

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  23. Great characterization through your descriptions.

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  24. Wow. This is amazing writing! I'm hooked and I will definitely be back. ;c)

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