Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors February 24, 2013




 Week 4 "Endless and Hopeless"


Welcome to another #8sunday post.  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop you can visit and sign up at by clicking here wewriwa.com.

The idea is simple. Sign the list which is posted by 10:00 AM EST on Mondays.  Then post 8 sentences of your writing on your own blog so other writers can visit, read and comment, crit, encourage, and get to know you, and vice versa :-)  It's for beginners and published pros alike.

My #8sunday post for this week:

Returning to my WIP, ATNS, and making the selection for today's 8 sentences using the random scrolling method, I've landed fairly early in the story.

Rissa, the main character, has had a bad evening, that included a run in with Cuylrh.  She's misses her son back on Earth, and she's homesick.  She's walked away from camp and is now sitting beside a small lake. 



"Starlight danced, bobbing up and down on ripples as the cool, night breeze stirred the dark water. Goosebumps prickled Rissa’s arms and legs as she looked from the lake, up to the heavens at the blackness of forever.


The endless sky—it used to hold all the wonder, all the mystery and magic of existence… proof there was something more.  Yeah, there was always something beyond what the eye could see. And that had brought with it the simple knowledge that even if today was best left forgotten, something else was waiting, tomorrow. 
 

Until now.  Home was somewhere in the endless, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that to search the endless… was hopeless."

That's it.  What jumps out at you, good or bad. I'd love to hear it.  Thank you so much for visiting!

Visit the other "great eight" posters by clicking  HERE.  

55 comments:

  1. Well this jumped out at me, "Home was somewhere in the endless..." I like that. I felt the vast loneliness she is feeling. Good post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The post really reflects how small she feels in the vastness. Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jianne! She does have those moments when she is humbled to a grain of sand. :-)

      Delete
  3. Great piece! Succinct but emotional. As a writer I get the feeling you put a lot of thought into certain phrases but I'm sure the average reader will just be impressed at how easy the scene flows :D

    A wonderful example IMHO of tight writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh damn, my hat won't fit me now. :-) Thanks, Marcia!

      It is amazing how posting in small snippets makes us slow down and really polish them. And it's good practice for polishing all of our stuff. :-)

      Delete
  4. Funny how the sky can represent both endless possibilities and endless despair. Great excerpt, packed with emotion. Good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Steven! It's all a fine balance, emotion, scene, character... Still learning. :-)

      Delete
  5. Wow, Theresa, I can feel her "mom" lonely--love how you build the emotionality with "Home was somewhere in the endless..." So very poignant. I'm in...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Nan. :-) It's nice to know what's working.

      Delete
  6. Pretty grim realization, very effectively expressed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Botanist. It is grim. :-)

      Delete
    2. Still haven't quite committed to A to Z. :-)

      Delete
  7. "the blackness of forever" really caught me. Great line. Poor, poor Rissa!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kate. I'm always curious which lines will speak to a reader. :-)

      Delete
  8. Rissa isn't the only who got goosebumps. Your first paragraph is stunning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jess! :-) I love that the emotions came through. :-)

      Delete
  9. "..to search the endless..." Love that. Very powerful piece of writing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Beautiful, poignant snippet...loved the description of the endless sky. Such an excellent excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That poor woman--I expect that for her, home isn't a somewhere, but someone . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are perceptive, Sarah :-) Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  12. That last sentence certainly conveys Rissa's despair. I feel badly for her. Nice turn of phrase too: "Home is somewhere in the endless".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Debbie. All her suffering eventually leads to a hide as tough as leather. Softened leather :-) Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  13. Not even knowing where home is... I feel for her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The last sentence in each paragraph, they each hold such power. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Each sentence contains power, Teresa. Very moving and a hint of foreshadowing all wrapped up in eight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Charmaine. It's interesting what different readers find in a bit of writing :-)

      Delete
  16. So emotional, and very moving. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Really great descriptions. It reminds me of when we are kids and we think anything is possible. The universe is vast and we want to explore every inch of it... and then we wake up as adults to realize dreaming is a waste of time. Or well, that's how this piece made me feel. Wonderful job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Mandy. Yeah, it's something like that. Don't you think that writers--whenever we finally come to accept that we are writers, also admit that we are still quite the dreamers? :-)

      Delete
  18. Teresa, have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE the way your mind works. I can picture that scene, I can feel her loneliness and the despair... ugh... just gorgeous. :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Speaking from experience -- not knowing where your baby is, who they're with, what they're doing... Not being able to comfort them when they're crying... You've nailed it. Great job, I can't wait to see how it turns out :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Keeley, I'm sorry it brought a heartache to you. And I thank you for sharing that with me. No truer affirmation could I be given that I am on the right course. :-)

      Delete
  20. Such dark desolation. Nicely done, Teresa. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Siobhan. I'm glad you got that from this snippet. :-)

      Delete
  21. It all jumps out because it's great :-) Love how she looks "up to the heavens at the blackness of forever" and how it sets up her despair. Very, very good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Virginia! I'm blushing again. But I'm smiling, too! :-)

      Delete
  22. This is a beautiful, heartfelt piece. Amazing job!

    ReplyDelete
  23. It is so obvious from this, that you are a pro!!! What beautiful descriptions of a heaven even with different arrangements. You feel her despair of home, her sense of loss about it, and yet you can feel her strength. She is not giving up yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carol. Oh, she wears her heart on her sleeve, but this empire has no pity. She has to toughen or die trying. :-)

      Delete
  24. Oooh, you pull me and make me connect with a relatable feeling, then change it up and now I want to know what has happened to cause this shift in the character's attitude? Nice work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, TODM! :-) I'm glad is made you question the shift. :-)

      Delete
  25. Lovely description, and her despair comes through perfectly with the words 'somewhere in the endless'.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Love this, Teresa. Very poignant - I feel her pain and longing for her child. And her despair. Beautifully written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Valentina! I hope you join us some Sunday--and post 8 of your own. :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

      Delete
  27. Nice description. I get a sense of utter futility and despair being 'somewhere in the endless'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, John. Yeppers, plenty of it to go around. :-)

      Delete