Week 7: "A chade fight..."
Give it a try--we're a pretty nice bunch of people. :-)
This week, returning to my WIP, ATNS, and immediately following last week's 8 sentence post (if you want to read it first, it's HERE ) this takes place about half way through the story.
Rissa has been training with the sword for well over a month, day in and day out. Eat, sleep, drink, breathe, sword. The method the group is using to teach her is simple and brutal. Any of them can (and do) draw on her anytime, anyplace, on any given day-- with very few exceptions. They have all been warned not to draw blood on her. All have complied, but Dhurstan has come as close as possible without earning punishment from Cuylrh.
Rissa is exhausted, thin as a rail, and has been pushed to her limit by Dhurstan's incessant tormenting. The ultimate in waking on the wrong side of the bed-furs has occurred- finally giving Rissa the moxie to do what she must. To best one of the group with her sword.
*Note "chade" is a Rialtan word, rough translation into Earth English is, "bitch".
And Norstar, one of the young King's guards, has been impressed by Rissa's tenacity and effort throughout the training.
Black tears streaked down his ash covered face as Dhurstan spun the whole way around, squinting then blinking over and over, no doubt searching for his weapon.
In her opponent's weak moment, Rissa tackled him-- dropping her sword as she launched herself. No holds barred, she bit, she scratched, kicked, slapped and she even pulled his hair, then, after toppling him to the ground, she leaned out, grabbed her sword, and laid it across his throat. Through clenched teeth, a fierce voice came from someplace deep within her, someplace that had never seen the light of day, resonating steel no less hair-raising than the song of the executioner's sword. Her breaths were deep and fast, and stinging sweat ran into her eyes as she warned, “Do you yield? I mean it Dhurstan--you yield, or I swear to the Giver above, you won’t live to torment me another day!”
More tears of ash irritation, or possibly from hot embarrassment ran from his eyes as he scanned the crowd of astonished onlookers, finally coming to rest on Cuylrh, then he blurted, “She... she cheated--it was a chade fight!”
Amid snickers that followed Dhurstan's whining, Norstar quipped, “You say it was a chade fight, yet by all appearances, you are the one who must yield?”
That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.. Thank you so much for visiting!
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