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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Weekend WritingWarriors: Concession

Weekend Writing Warriors: March 31, 2013


Week 9: "A chade fight..."
Welcome Eighters! Happy Easter to all. :-)  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog-hop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at Weekend Writing Warriors, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between 12:00 noon Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST.  Then we visit each other, read, comment, critique, encourage--all those great things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Give it a try--we're a pretty nice bunch of people.  :-)

This week, returning to my WIP, ATNS, and immediately following last week's 8 sentence post (if you want to read it first, it's Here. ) This takes place about half way through the story.

The setup:

Rissa has just spent nearly two months being trained to use a sword, trial by fire--eat, drink, sleep, think sword.  This scene is the fourth post of a sword fight where she bested Dhurstan. He's one of Cuylrh's guards and also his oldest friend. Dhurstan despises Rissa-- the woman from a place called Earth, who has taken his place in his friend's heart.  Cuylrh is the young King of Rialt, next in line to rule.  The fight has wound down. Dhurstan is pinned with Rissa's sword across his throat.



Dhurstan’s brows lowered and his lips went slack, his face announcing his concession before his words did. Though his body was limp, no doubt a precaution to avoid risking fate or Rissa’s sword sharpening skills, his voice—barely above a whisper still carried a hint of something other than the respect she was due—disgust, or maybe loathing when he said, “Yes, I yield.”

She looked him in the eye just long enough to let the magnitude of her victory—and his defeat, pass between them; weighed and measured, she’d found him lacking.  Not just lacking—she’d found him to be less of a man than his months of threats had led her to believe. Twisting his braid one last time, she gave his head a dismissive shove to the ground, then she stood.





That's it.  What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom..  Thank you so much for visiting! 

Note* If you are launching a book, offering one for free promotion, or  have a blogpost you'd like shared, tweet me @Teresa_Willow and I'll retweet it for you. :-)

48 comments:

  1. Ha...girl power! I enjoyed the way she let him sit with the thought of his defeat for a moment before letting him go.

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  2. Ahhh! Love it! She totally kicked butt! :D Great 8!

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  3. Rissa was deliciously relishing her victory! Love this line:
    "his face announcing his concession before his words did"
    This is a great story, Teresa. :-)

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    1. Yes, victory tastes sweet. ;-) Thanks, Debbie :-)

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  4. Beautifully told and the ending, simple and strong as she is. Thank you for taking me on her journey.

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    1. You are welcome, Charmaine, and thanks for visiting! :-)

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  5. I liked how she paused before letting him up. Let the moment sink in for both of them. Nice job!

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  6. What woman doesn't love besting a man who thinks he's better than her? I, too, like that she paused before letting him up, and that she didn't say a word to him adds to the tension of the moment. It's like she's telling him he's not worth the breath it would take to scorn him. Nicely done.

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    1. Woot--exactly what I was trying for, India! Not worth the breath... :-) Thank you!

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  7. I like how self-assured she is here. She really needs to show that she's not the same woman anymore but somebody much tougher. I wouldn't expect Dhurstan to completely let up, but now he knows exactly what he's risking. Great excerpt!

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    1. Thanks, Owly! :-) Dhurstan was so much fun to write. :-)

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  8. I enjoyed this moment, and the way you made it last by giving us so much detail, plus the way you used punctuation added length and a feeling of "epic broadness". Cleverly done! Oh, and a bit of gloating is allowed at this point in the story, yes? :)

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    1. Thanks, dearie :-) Yes, she has earned the right to gloat ;-) lol. :-)

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  9. Excellent. The dismissive shove of his head was perfect!

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  10. Nice! I love how they express themselves, without really speaking. Wonderful details!

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    1. Thanks, Donna :-) Still learning the show don't tell stuff. -)

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  11. I love it . The last part is frosting on the cake.

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    1. Thanks, Elaine. Rissa earned that frosting. :-)

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  12. Ha! Take that! Very good. He has been totally belittled in front of his peers. I'm sure he'll plot something to get even. Great foreshadowing and a slam dunk end to the fight scene.

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  13. Well done, liked her taking that one extra moment to let the victory sink in BUT somehow i'm sure he'll try to get revenge later...your heroine is terrific. Excellent excerpt as always!

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  14. Not just lacking—she’d found him to be less of a man than his months of threats had led her to believe.

    Nice. Very nice.

    I'm sure she'll have to teach him a couple more lessons, but I'm also sure she's up for it!

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    1. Yes, more lessons in the making. :-) Thanks, Sarah! :-)

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  15. Love that parting shot! Great snippet and a great heroine!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  16. Good for Rissa! It serves the jerk right!

    Happy Easter, Teresa. :o)

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  17. I liked the finale to your fight, Teresa. I would caution you to watch the run-on sentences (usually using em-dashes). Read your sentences out loud. If you find you have to take a breath in the middle, put a period and start a new one. Sometimes shorter sentences make the passage stronger. :)

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    1. Thank you, Siobhan, once again, for the great advice. :-)

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  18. Ooh, great tension! I doubt this will be the end of their rivalry though...very seriously doubt it.

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    1. Thanks, Claire, lol, no, not the end of the rivalry, but one part of it that will become legendary. ;-)

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  19. I like the way she let him absorb his defeat and her victory. Go Rissa! Well-written and enjoyable.

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  20. Nice snippet. I love how you made us see his defeat so clearly. Good job!

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  21. " his face announcing his concession before his words did" sounds like a wimp (as she said, "less of a man")but I wonder what was in that "voice barely above a whisper"? How did he convey more to her than the words?

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    1. Haha! Thanks, Carol. I'm glad it made the reader wonder :-)

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  22. He may be yielding for the moment, but I don't think he's really given in.

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    1. Quite intuitive of you, Sue Ann. Thanks for visiting :-)

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