Welcome, warriors! And welcome to SnipSuns and anyone else who wanders in. Here we are, July sliding on the downside! I think our heatwave is to cool off this week, into the low 80s ~sigh~ Hope the weather is improving where you are. :-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog-hop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at Weekend Writing Warriors, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between 12:00 noon Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other, read, comment, critique, encourage--all those great things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
Set up: Marissa is homeless and delusional. She keeps a journal of how her dreams make her feel, and her feelings about her daily struggles often get into the journal, too. Keeping the journal is at the request of Rayanne, a church volunteer counselor. This is the transition between Marissa staying at a homeless shelter for women, and moving on to a better arrangement.
*note You might encounter creative punctuation :-)
I haven't met the other two people I share the house with yet, but I know I'm fighting a lack of trust. You tell me that we are all children of god, Rayanne, and that we should love one another. Well, I've seen some pretty terrible things that people do, enough to make me believe we live in a godless world. There is no god looking out for the homeless, for the crazy, for the hungry.
I don't know...maybe there is a god, but I don't know why people pray to him, because he never stops anything bad from happening.
I have lived under
bridges and in subways and have existed on the fringes of society for so long,
but you know what? I am not crazy, and with or without a god, I'm finding my way back.
That's
it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am
truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.
Thank you so much for visiting! Sundays are extra busy for me right
now, so it might take me several days to return visits, but I will. Have
a great week, all!
I can almost see her, writing in her journal, trying to find some order in her thoughts and feelings. I imagine her head bowed over the journal, hair falling in her face, slightly rocking. Isn't it funny how you didn't mention any of those things, but the story you tell gives me a mental image. BTW, I wanna hug her.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Millie! I'm so glad you could see her so clearly and made a mental leap of your own---based on empathy. Good things for a writer to read :-) !
DeleteHave a good week. :-)
You painted a vivid picture which helps understand her character.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elaine :-) !
DeleteYou describe Marissa so vividly and make us care about her. This is a fascinating turn in your story and I'm looking forward to the next instalment.
ReplyDelete:-) <--- BIG smile. Thanks, Debbie! :-)
ReplyDeleteI love this, it's so deep and sad and yet completely heartfelt from your character!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lauren! :-)
DeleteShe's certainly pouring out some emotions. Powerful and emotive.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gemma. Those are good words to read :-)
DeleteWhat a terrific character portrait. Nice stuff, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteCool--big compliment coming from you, Steven :-) Thank you! :-)
DeleteHer character is very consistent and well shown by everything you've written! Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Veronica! ;-)
DeleteI love this journal entry, and her feelings about not needing religion to be a good person. Her voice really shines through.
ReplyDeleteHa! Yes! She wrangles with faith and the concept of god the whole way through the book, here and in her dreams. :-) Thanks, Carrie-Anne!
DeleteWhere to begin. . .She is a giant, this homeless woman, ready to crack out of her shell, to survive and thrive. I feel her spirit reach out to me. I hold her hand and pull her into my arms. We stand together. Getting stronger. Thank you, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteOh wow--thanks for that Charmaine! I hope readers do identify with her in some way. :-)
DeleteTeresa, this is really wonderful! You have so much packed into this excerpt and yet it doesn't feel overstuffed. I sure hope you keep posting from this, because not only is it an interesting story, it's written so well :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marcia. lol. I'm feeling the pressure here. But you know what? The pressure is here because I'm being tested every week, every Sunday, and a great group of writers are going to let me know if I fail!
DeleteI keep wondering how the dream world and the real world are going to come together.
ReplyDeleteSue Ann, you are a forward thinking soul! :-) They collide rather harshly but it takes the entire book to reach that point! :-)
DeletePowerful snippet. There's nothing like taking the steps, doing the work, and actually improving your life. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSo very true, S.J. Thanks for reading it and commenting! ;-)
DeleteWow. She's is so intense. I want to root for her. Fantastic snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, A.S. It's a fine line between severely challenged, and pathetic. I hope I never cross it with her. :-)
DeleteVery powerful snippet - what stands out is the 2nd para where no matter how bad things are she still allows the possibility of the existence of God. Nicely done. Very visual, very emotional snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Susan! Yep--the possibility. To me it sort of equates to when all is gone, there should still be hope. :-)
DeleteI truly love the concept of your book here... the journal writing! Sharing her dreams and thoughts. Fascinating!
ReplyDeleteLike Susan's statement above, what stood out to me is her survivor's attitude of "no matter what" she's going to make it. I love that! :)
Great snippet!
Thanks, Susan! It comes as no surprise to me, after reading your wewriwa posts, that you identify with just such a character. :-)
DeleteHer words are so heartbreaking. I really hope she can make her way--whatever that way happens to be!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sarah. It's such a long way she has to go... :-)
DeleteInteresting concept here. I'm intrigued on how this will all play out.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen. :-)
DeleteGreat questions. No easy answers!
ReplyDeleteSo true, Ann! :-) Thank you. :-)
DeleteI like it that she is clearly full of hope, she seems strong. i do wonder how she will manage to keep hold of the journal though. Will she have to fight to keep it from being stolen?
ReplyDeleteThanks, DJ. Nope. She's reaching a much better place in her life, a place with stability. :-)
DeleteHer determination is clear. It says a lot about her character.
ReplyDeleteThanks, JM :-) !
DeleteIt does read like a journal entry. Great job with that Teresa. She is pondering something that many people do so its very realistic.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cindy:-)
ReplyDelete