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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: October 27, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: October 27, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors
      
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in. Happy last Sunday in October. Yikes!  November is right around the corner!  :-)

For all of you taking the NaNoWriMo plunge--I'll be here, cheering for you from the sidelines! "GO WARRIORS!" :-)

Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.



The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE


This from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"
The ruler, Deamante, is about to become a father. He's been waiting for quite some time, and is no more than at his mate's bedside when:
Creative punctuation in use. :-)

    
The gilded doorknob rattled for only an instant before the door flew open and a small woman barged in.  Deamante narrowed his eyes; there was no mistaking the hatred when he growled,"Crinda, you're not welcome here."

Tossing moon-white hair over her shoulder, she leveled defiant, pale blue eyes at him, then she spat, "Perhaps not welcome, but needed nonetheless." Turning away, she walked to her younger sister's bedside. Rella moaned and Crinda leaned close to her and crooned, "Look at you, my beautiful little Rella, lying here in the sweat and determination of a woman."
Deamante bristled at the sound of her voice.

On the other side of the bed, the healer worked his hands nervously, wringing them over and over again. Sweat beaded above his eyes as they darted from face to face.


That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!

34 comments:

  1. Great imagery, its a fantastic picture you've painted with so few words!

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  2. very emotional birth scene as they often are. love the 8

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  3. I'm glad that she has someone with her to comfort her - or at least, that's how it seems for the moment. :P Great eight!

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  4. Now of course I so want to know about that animosity! Will Deamante and Crinda keep the lid on it at such a crucial time? And why is that healer so useless and stressed? Sheesh, I'll be thinking about this all week ;-)

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    1. Haha! You'' just have to take a wee break from NaNo next Sunday and read the next. Things are about to go very bad in that birthing room. :-)

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  5. Your details are always delicious, Teresa. Another terrific eight, well done!

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    1. Thanks, Steven! That's awesome, coming from the master of details! :-)

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  6. "...lying here in the sweat and determination of a woman." That line strikes a chord. Beautifully written. Love this Teresa, and have missed you the past few weeks : ) So glad to see you back!

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    1. Thanks, Millie! Awe, there you go, making me smile again! Thanks--it's good to be back. :-)

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  7. This is really excellent writing. Love how much tension you've built into such a small snippet. Well done. Now, why aren't you joining us for NaNoWriMo? Come on! :)

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    1. Thanks, A.S. ! Oh my, lol, my heart is in it, but my brain is shouting "No! You don't have the time this year!" I'm so proud of all of you who are forging ahead with it. I hope ya'll take a break for wewriwa. :-)

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  8. This is beautiful. I really love that scene, there is so much to it.

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  9. Liked the "moon white hair" to go with pale blue eyes.
    With the healer wringing his hands, let's hope that Crinda can be of more assistance.
    Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Frank. She is of more assistance, and having the moxie to dare anger Deamante is critical to this scene. :-) .

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  10. I think I'm glad the sister is there? Very tense situation, just got way more complicated - excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. The older sister is a life saver--and not just figuratively. :-)

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  11. Missed you, our fearless leader. And now the birthing scene with all the conflict. I say get rid of the healer , let the older sister remind her to push and Deamante beware. Men don't belong in the room.

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    1. Awe, thanks for the welcome back! The healer is running scared of the ruler. He's shown a propensity toward a lack of feelings. Things are about to get a whole lot worse. :-)

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  12. Great description, so vivid. I love (yet don't entirely trust) Crinda's remark about her lying in the "sweat and determination of a woman". Nice!!

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    1. Thanks, Rose. This opening chapter is a little deceptive, at first. What happens changes things for the ruler. Changes things for everyone. :-)

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  13. oh man, I'm wondering if her sister is really going to help. I hope so, the poor guy needs his mate to be okay! great job!

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    1. Thanks, Lauren. His pride is about to destroy his world. :-)

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  14. Love your descriptions, from the "moon white hair" to the "lying here in the sweat and determination of a woman". Great character names too - especially Deamante. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Debbie! And thanks for the names comment. I hoped that readers would associate Deamante's name with Diamond and demon. We'll see. :-)

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  15. Great descriptive scene. I don't know anything about her but I dislike Crinda ><

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    1. Thanks, Elyzabeth! Good insight. Crinda is tough, but she's a good person. She does hate Deamante and vice versa. :-)

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  16. So well done, I can picture the scene in my head very vividly. Nice snippet.

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  17. great. I still am betting that the baby will be an unexpected (and unwanted) girl.

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    1. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sue Ann :-) Something unexpected is coming, but might not be the gender. :-)

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  18. Intense situations always bring family together be they good or bad. Now I wonder why the sister isn't welcome. And why she felt the dire need to be there? You left me hanging! Good for you. :)

    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

    Soor so let getting around... I had to do over all my comments this week. Some reason my ipad wasn't playing well with blog comments.

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  19. I'd hoped the reader would be guessing, and a bit intrigued. No problem on getting around, Cindy. I sort of figure that people get busy, people have problems with tech stuff, or that, Like me, people like to take all week to visit at their leisure. ;-)

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