Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, November 2, 2013

WEEKEND WRITING WARRIORS November 3, 2010

Weekend Writing Warriors
      
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in. Happy first Sunday in November. Yikes!  November !  :-)

For all of you taking the NaNoWriMo plunge--Here's a BIG "You can do it! GO WARRIORS!" :-)

Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.



The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE


This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"
The ruler, Deamante, is about to become a father. His mate's sister, Crinda, has come and she's unwelcome. This week's eight sheds a tiny bit of light on the bad blood between them:
Creative punctuation in use. :-)

    


Deamante looked out the window past swaying branches of a wisdom tree. The late afternoon light obscured by heavy clouds lent a strange color to the river beyond. The water itself looked red, capped with pink froth, tumbling and crashing over and around red boulders. Another booming round of thunder rolled above them, snapping his attention back to the room. “It is an omen, an omen of his strength, that something so formidable, so mighty as a storm… will sweep across my son's first breath of life.”



Without even looking away from Bella’s face, Crinda accused, “I've read my glass and bones, the real omens. Mine came as a gift; yours come now, false and hollow. Damn your pride, Deamante; you forced this. You stole her away from our people; you took a woman little more than a girl.”



That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!

40 comments:

  1. I wished I had read some of the previous snippets so I better understand the phrase "yours come now, ...." Sounds interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Feather. :-) Most of the first chapter thus far, is here in snippets from 8sunday. I'll gather them together to make their own post. :-)

      Delete
  2. Very atmospheric, and I love the name "wisdom tree"!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love his wistful sound when he talks of his son having such strength

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Chelle! He's in love with the idea of having a son. :-)

      Delete
  4. Beautiful snippet! The word choice really made this powerful and I loved it. And it provided good backstory since I was wondering what bad history they had.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Powerful snippet, lots of conflict between the characters, loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That last bit puts me in Crinda's camp. Maybe Deamante shouldn't go around impregnating young girls. >:(

    Great eight!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! Well said. He's a real piece of work. :-)

      Delete
  7. Oh wow, now I get the bad blood between the two. The last line from Crinda is very powerful. Excellent job Teresa!
    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

    ReplyDelete
  8. Loved this. The red water, like blood. The way he's trying to turn his unease into an omen, but its denied by his sister-in-law who reads bones and glass...very powerful! I'm worried about his wife and the unborn babe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Millie! Hang in there. I'm going through the first chapter before I change to anything else. :-)

      Delete
  9. Strong imagery and emotions here. You're really got a handle on these characters. I'm invested in everybody now :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Marcia :-) Writing, learning, writing, learning...

      Delete
  10. Enjoyed the details, like the red waters...good to know more of the backstory. Excellent excerpt! And I feel sorry for the mother in labor...

    ReplyDelete
  11. every week I'm drawn in. I don't like Crinda. LOL. There are some great details, the rushing red water, the wisdom tree, and all this while we await the birth of the babe. love it

    ReplyDelete
  12. That's such powerful, evocative imagery. Deamante sounds like he could be in a bit of trouble, perhaps deservedly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne :-) ! Up to this point, he's been arrogant. He's about to take a turn for the worse.

      Delete
  13. Fantastic tension and details, Teresa. Foreboding imagery, anger, and omens. This ones sounds like a TBR! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Monica! I'm grinning from ear to ear to read your words! ;-)

      Delete
  14. wonderful detail and the tension is quite palatable. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice building up of tension, and revelation of some back story.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The husband sees what he chooses to see. The bitter sister-in-law shoots him down, What a scene while the young mother-to-be may be in trouble. You've captured me in this tragic scene of family rivalry while a life may hang in the balance. Wonderful eight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Charmaine! I think most people will be able to relate to conflict within the family. This conflict is particularly ugly.

      Delete
  17. We live in the mountains -- love "rolling" thunder thru the valleys!
    Kudos!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Chip. Glad it was something you related to! :-)

      Delete
  18. very powerful with wonderful visuals - I'd like a wisdom tree please

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I'd like one too. Wisdom trees for everyone! Thanks for visiting, Sue. ;-)

      Delete
  19. I wonder what his son's fate will actually be and who is right.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What wonderful writing Teresa. I've been neglecting the blog and this is exactly the stuff I miss. Well done.

    ReplyDelete