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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: November 17, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in. Happy third Sunday in November. Yikes!  Almost time to bake pumpkin pies!  :-)

For all of you taking the NaNoWriMo plunge--Here's a BIG "You can do it-- GO WARRIORS! Just over half way there!" :-)

Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.


The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE



This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father after a long labor with lots of tension in the birthing room. Heavy foreshadowing of bad things to come were in the last snippet HERE I've skipped a couple of paras which included the actual birth. It was a tension break, but...here we go again: Creative punctuation in use. :-)

The boy had blonde hair as pale as moonlight, so unlike his own dark brown, but a fine match for the mother’s; he was sure it would darken with age. 

The healer then cut the tie that had bound mother and son for months, and after giving him a once-over, wrapped the babe in a soft blanket.



A perfect moment, a snapshot in time... Deamante had never been so happy or so proud. He reached out to take the child, but the healer hesitated before handing the boy to him. In that moment, he saw something in the healer’s eyes, something in the man's furrowed brows,  in his lack of  joy for this birth. And it sent panic through the new father. 


That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!

21 comments:

  1. Wow, you've worked so many details into a short little snippet. It's a very fluid bit of writing. Well done, Teresa!

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  2. Love the way you describe the scene. The expressions, the feelings Deamante has upon seeing this miracle before his eyes, and then the panic at the end. You've got me hooked! Great job, Teresa!

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  3. Great emotional twist and just the right timing.
    Well done!

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  4. Agree, great snippet! Emotional and suspenseful. Definitely piques my curiosity even further. Something's up with that child, and now I've got to wait to find out! :0

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  5. I'm overwhelmed with this eight. Joy then sadness with foreshadowing of something gone wrong. Beautiful writing, Teresa. Don't change a word.

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  6. Terrific as ever, Teresa. This is a great excerpt -- dense, packed with loads of detail and story in just a few sentences. Great stuff!

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  7. Well, the baby's a boy, anyway--but does that light hair denote a problem, like albinoism?

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    1. You're a skip ahead of me, Sue Ann! lol. A hybrid, perhaps? :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  8. What a full range of emotions, the joy & wonder of the newborn son and then the ominous foreshadowing of something terrible.

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  9. So much emotion passing through Deamante, I hope they will just let them enjoy being a father.

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    1. Oh my, if you read the next few paragraphs, you might feel sorry for him, but still change your mind about him enjoying being a father. It's short-lived! Thanks for visiting, Linda ! :-)

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  10. This was so sweet, but then there was that ominous hesitation from the healer. Gak! Oh, the suspense!

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    1. :-) Gak, indeed! Thanks for visiting, Rose ;-)

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