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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: December 1, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in. Happy December. Double- Yikes!  Time to think about decorating.

For all of you who took the NaNoWriMo plunge--Here's a BIG "GREAT JOB!" Whether you finished or enjoyed the attempt,, you are amazing! :-)

Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.


The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE



This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father after a long labor with lots of tension in the birthing room. Heavy foreshadowing of bad things to come were in the last several snippets. The new father gets a good look at the son he has anticipated for months :-)
Vacillating between instinctive tenderness, and his sense of urgency, Deamante took the child from the healer. Were the old man’s hands trembling? Well, who wouldn’t tremble holding a miracle so tiny, so new? A random thought grasped him as he cuddled his son; were babies really made of flesh and blood, or did life begin of fragile spun-glass and magic?

He moved the blanket away from the tiny face to get a good look just as lightning splintered the wisdom tree; wood exploded against pink stone walls, shattering the window.

In that flash of brilliant light, he saw the face of a savage in his arms, lightning doubling the effect of the pale skin, colorless hair, and blue eyes ringed in violet.

He couldn’t breathe—as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs. The child fell out of his arms, dropping onto the bed beside its mother.



That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!

40 comments:

  1. ohh! Way to do shock! That first paragraph accentuates the reveal-- love that ending paragraph. Great job, Rees. :D

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    1. Thanks, Marcia. It's a lot of work, setting up a scene for a shocker, but so neat when it lets loose. :-) Thanks for visiting! :-)

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  2. Whoa! There was a twist I wasn't expecting. You did a great job lulling me into thinking this was a nice, organic snippet about a miraculous moment. Excellent job! I can't wait to read what happens next.

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    1. Thanks, Jess! Just the beginning... The next few snippets aren't for the faint of heart... :-)

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  3. Ah crap!! This is not what daddy was hoping for...good thing he was standing over the bed. Poor baby!

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    1. Yeah, poor little guy. He sure didn't have a say in his existence or his DNA. Thanks for visiting, Millie!

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  4. Wow! That was unexpected. This doesn't bode well for their father/son bonding...

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    1. Nope, doesn't bode well at all. Thanks for visiting, Denise!

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  5. Dramatic indeed and as always I just fall in love with your use of words...but a sad moment as well...I'm hooked. Excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica! Yep, sad moment. Life has lots of them, but it's especially stinging when it involves a newborn. :-)

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  6. Oh my, great visual Teresa! I so saw that in my mind. The contrast of the great ruler afraid of an infant right at the end there, adds to the "Holy Crap!" factor. Great 8!
    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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  7. Incredible emotion in this! I'm hooked.

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  8. Perfect and perfectly dreadful for the baby to be a savage. Oh Teresa! I'm shattered just like Deamante.
    The writing - a 10
    the despair-infinity

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    1. Awe, thanks, Charmaine! I have so many good mentors in the writing world--and that includes you, my friend. :-)

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  9. fab scene - spun glass and magic - love it - and then he sees the baby's face.... well done indeed

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    1. Thanks, Sue! Glad they resonated with you. :-)

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  10. oh yikes! What should have been a tender scene was turned on its head! That's crazy good Teresa!

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    1. Yikes, indeed! lol. Thanks for visiting,Lauren. :-)

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  11. Sounds like the baby might be an albino, but what is the significance of that in this culture?

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    1. Something along that line, but not quite. What the reader hasn't grasped yet is that this isn't Earth where this is happening, and not necessarily present day. I'm not sure if either of those things matter in the larger picture, though. Thanks for visiting, Sue Ann. :-)

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  12. Wow---the title makes sense now! What a terrible (well-written) moment!

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    1. Ha! Yes, it does. I hadn't thought about it not making sense up until this point. :-)

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  13. That really gave me a shock. Well done.

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  14. At least the baby only fell onto a soft bed, not the floor! I love all the descriptive imagery you use to set the scene.

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  15. What a incredible scene! Fantastic imagery! You took something wonderful and turned into a terrible revealing moment. I didn't expect it to go there. Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Karen. I tried to lay in enough foreshadowing without overdoing it, to let the reader know that trouble was ahead. I don't want to ambush them. :-)

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  16. That's intense and unexpected. Great descriptions.

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  17. Oh my goodness, what a shocker!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love how you can take a moment and just THROTTLE it leaving the reader reeling!! Awesome snippet!!!

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  18. Wow! Thank goodness the bed was there! Great description.

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    1. Thanks, Karen! :-) Couldn't have him fall on the floor. He's the story ;-)

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  19. What a shocking turn of events. I must admit, DID he really see the face that way or was that some kind of premonition? A really gripping scene, very well done.

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    1. Thanks, Chelle! :-) It is what he saw :-)

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