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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: December 29, 2013


Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in. I hope your Christmas was wonderful, and I wish you a happy (and safe) New Year!

I didn't get around to everyone last week. Had a power outage in the morning that sent my day into a tailspin. I apologize--and will make it around this week.
Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.


The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE



This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father. Crinda is the new mother's sister. They are Jumans. There is bad blood between them. The unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable.  The air is thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by.




Creative punctuation at work to stay within wewriwa's guidelines. :-)



Crinda,  narrowed her eyes and accused, “I know what you’re thinking, but you are wrong. A mightier hand than Juman has touched this child, and who understands the ways of angels, of divine messengers from the other side?” She spat on the floor and when she continued, it was as if the vilest dirt was rolling from her tongue,”You?”

Deamante had to look away from her, from all three of them. No, this wasn’t the work of a divine messenger; it was the work of a demon.  The realization of what had happened was too much. There was nothing sacred about this. It was quite the opposite-- the most unholy of acts; she had lain with a savage.

That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting! 

42 comments:

  1. Wow, intense stuff! Terrific details and prose, Teresa, and the tension just drips off the page!

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  2. That's great stuff. Very foreboding. Great job!

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  3. Ooooooo. So she cheated on him or he is only thinking that? Nice twist!
    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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    1. Oh, in his POV--his perception. And this narrator is pretty unreliable. Doesn't clear up a thing ;-) Thanks, Cindy!

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  4. So intense and I really worry about the baby! Excellent excerpt...

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  5. Love the first paragraph! It's so intense! Glad your power is back on. Happy New Year!

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    1. Thanks, Jess! :-) Happy New Year to you! :-)

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  6. Oh my goodness! This is intense. I'm so worried for mama and baby right now! Yikes!

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    1. Thanks, Millie. Crinda is there, but bad times are ahead for Rella.

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  7. Oh, no! I just knew he was going to go there! I knew you warned us he was going to ruin everything, but whew!

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    1. Yep. He went there! Thanks for visiting, Sarah! :-)

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  8. I'm so worried about the baby and you've added new tension on top. Wow. You've got page turning stuff here. Well done.

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    1. "...page turning stuff..." Woot! Thanks, S.J. :-)

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  9. ooo! Intense! This is great, I love seeing his thought process. Whatever he plans to do, it's clear he'll have to work around Crinda. Waiting for more.

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    1. Yep, Crinda said at the beginning "Unwanted, but needed nonetheless." And she is. Thanks for visiting, Marcia!

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  10. Intense-- this really pulled me in. Nice work!

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  11. Wow what an intense setting here. This is really powerful. I hope for everyone's sake the child will be loved. Crinda is a fierce character too. :)

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    1. Crinda is fierce, but wise. She knows when to fight, and when to run away to live to fight another day. :-) Thanks, Lauren :-)

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  12. You have the power, Teresa, in more ways than one. The drama is powerful. I hear thunder and see lightning bolts coming.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine! :-) This is the first chapter. The second happens 20 years later. :-)

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  13. the build up to the birth and now this. Quite a teaser and very intense. Love your imagery. I felt everyone's fear and dread

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    1. Thanks, Michelle! Glad the emotions are coming through. :-)

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  14. Sounds like Deamante and Crinda may be separated by denominational differences. I wonder which one of them is right. I'm thinking Crinda.

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    1. Crinda is a good person. Deamante's greatest shortcoming is his pride. Good to see ya, Kate! :-)

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  15. I wonder why he thinks it's devil's work...
    who understands the ways of angels, of divine messengers from the other side?” - very true - so we'll wait and see what is the truth

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    1. Or does it just come down to genetics? :-D Thanks for visiting, Sue!

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  16. Pretty obvious who's really the savage. I'm here, btw--just forgot to sign up.

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    1. Yeppers, Sue Ann. I added your link in comments beneath the list. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Elaine! It's nice to see you :-)

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  18. Gak, so much tension! This child (not to mention Deamante) has a tough road ahead. Nice work. :)

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  19. this keeps getting darker and more frightening - is he going to blame his wife now and is that "blame" justified?

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    1. The great question of the story . Thanks for visiting . :-)

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  20. So much tension in this scene. Can't wait to know more. Well done!

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  21. Oooh scandal! Very intense scene. Great 8!

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