If you're in North America in one of the parts currently or soon to be affected by the dangerously cold temperatures and yet another snow storm, please be safe. Stay warm and stay put (if you can). Wherever you are in the world, stay warm and safe. It's been a rough winter already-- and it's just begun.
One more thing I want to mention. In the very near future, we'll be posting a link to an anonymous poll asking how we're doing. Wewriwa has been hosting all you talented writers for almost a year now. The admins thought it might be a good time to take stock to see how we're doing --in the eyes of everyone who is using, or has used the site. Not promising changes, but we're listening. When the poll is posted, we'll try to let everyone know--and we'd love to hear from you. It's important to us because you, the participants, are what makes this site work.
Finally: Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE
This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working
title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The
ruler, Deamante, has just become a father. The
unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable. The air is
thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by. To see a compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE
Creative punctuation at work to stay within wewriwa's guidelines. :-)
Disbelief
jolted him, immediately followed by doubt clawing its way into his thoughts. He
lifted his eyes but what he focused on was well beyond the ceiling, even well
beyond the late afternoon's stormy climes. He shouted through angry sobs, his hands clasped together
against his chest as he fell to his knees, “How? How could you do this to me? Haven’t
I done enough? Haven’t I fed the hungry and clothed the poor? Haven’t I built a
world in your name?”
That's it. What jumps out at you, good
or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am
truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.
Thank you so much for visiting!
Deamante seems to only focus inward, why was this done to him, etc. His grief will never be worked through if he can't focus on something greater. Very strong 8.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chelle! :-)
DeleteStrong emotions, visceral, raw snippet. Gripping work, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Steven :-)
DeleteIntense and heartfelt. Hopefully he'll be able to get it all out and grow stronger. Powerful snippet!
ReplyDeleteHe does grow stronger, but maybe not in a good way. Thanks, Gemma :-)
Deleteknowing his anguish I felt the emotion in him. great snippet
ReplyDeleteGood words to read-- "...I felt the emotion in him." Thank you!
DeleteVery emotional snippet. I wonder what exactly was done to him and why he's blaming a deity rather than taking responsibility. Well done! After all the point is to keep the reader engaged and you've definitely don't that. :)
ReplyDelete:-D <-- Big smile, A.S. :-) Thank you :-)
DeleteWow, highly emotional, packs a wallop! Excellent excerpt...changing the subject, I think the poll is a great idea!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Veronica! :-)
DeleteStrong emotions in a gripping snippet, well done. I stumbled a bit over the angry sobs. For me the sobs take away from the anger, make it weaker. It depends on where you are taking him in his emotional journey. That's just me;).
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tina. I guess it's kind of hard to gather the emotions and what's going on from a short snippet. He's having a meltdown, which I hope the reader realizes by the end of the chapter. Thanks for visiting!
DeleteHe blames everyone but himself. Typical and so revealing. "To thine own self be true" but no, Deamante sees only his side just like parents who give too much and wonder what went wrong. Fine extraordinary post. Thank you.
ReplyDeletePoll idea is great and we can erect a statue to wewriwa somewhere in PA in appreciation.
Woot! Thanks, Charmaine! :-)
DeleteVery revealing into the heart of Deamante. I wonder how the child was found "unacceptable" and am very curious for more. Great 8!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sarah! ;-)
DeletePowerful writing, but one suggestion? "Climes" refers to average regional weather. The storm was unusual enough to be noticed, which suggests weather, not climate.
ReplyDeleteHi Sue Ann. When I researched the word, I found some obscure references to climes being used to indicate a local weather event. I know better, lol. You questioned it immediately, so I'll change it and just accept MW's first definition for it. Thanks for visiting! ;-)
DeleteStrong excerpt for sure! He is pretty focused on himself, but I still feel for him because earlier you set him up as a sympathetic guy. I'm hoping he takes a step or two back, soon, and is somehow able to see things a little differently.
ReplyDeleteI like the readers' flip-flopping emotions, and guessing whether he's a good guy or a bad guy. :-) His rejection of his son is the story. :-)
DeleteHis anguish is definitely heartfelt and realistic, though I agree he sees himself more as a passive victim than as any sort of active participant in what happened.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie-Anne. He's has been, but he's about to become very active in punishment. Right now, he's not a nice guy.
DeleteI'm glad to see he's not looking at the baby so angrily at the moment...I'm still worrying for mama and baby. I hope auntie has something at the ready to keep them safe...Teresa, waiting each week for my Tayden dosage is tough, I'm becoming an addict.
ReplyDelete:-) I'm smiling, Millie! Crinda said earlier that she might be unwanted, but she's needed nonetheless. :-) She's a good aunt. Thanks for visiting and your encouraging words.
Deletestrong emotion. I can feel his anger and despair. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elaine! :-)
Deleteso somehow the child is not perfect. Will be interesting to see how the future unfolds for the child in light of his father's anger
ReplyDeleteI hope it's interesting! His life is the story. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sue! :-)
DeleteThank you for your comment :D
DeleteIt's still all about him, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThis snippet is totally in character and well written, and my sympathies are definitely with his son and wife.
(I'm meddlng, but I'm wondering if his words might be even more effective if they were isolated in a paragraph of their own, starting with "How? . . ." Just a thought, feel free to ignore me! :) )
It is, Sarah, and always has been. It will take years until it finally isn't. :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)
DeleteI considered that while writing this, and now that you've confirmed it, I'm going to change it. Thanks~ Meddle away!
You can really feel his pain. I'm worried about the 'unacceptable' child.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're worried. Deamante is almost crazy right now. Thanks for visiting, Eleri. :-)
DeleteHis despair is palpable. I think it's an understandable reaction for the moment, but in time I hope he will think of the child, and what kind of life he will lead.
ReplyDeleteHe's always thought of himself, first and foremost. The chapter, in its entirety makes that point, I think :-) Thanks for visiting, Kate!
DeleteYou have such a good talent of making the reader sympathetic even for some on who is self centered.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Munir! It's so very good to "see" you. :-)
DeleteExcellent snippet! I feel his grief yet I wonder, is it not still his child? What is it about him that is so unacceptable that he wouldn't love the child anyway. Very powerful 8 this week. Well done!
ReplyDelete(Sighned up for snippets today, forgot to sign up for WWW before midnight last night. :( )
The Murders of Polly Frisch
Ha! I've done that too, Cindy. Glad you left a comment to alert us! :-) Thanks for visiting and your encouraging words. ;-)
DeleteGreat word choice in this snippet, Teresa! It's an enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess :-)
DeleteAh, so now he's looking for someone to blame that' s not himself, of course. Like someone else mentioned, he does seem to be very self centered. Things will not be going to go well if he keeps it up...
ReplyDeleteNo, things won't be going well. Thanks for visiting, Elyzabeth! :-)
DeleteWow! I totally felt his despair. Wonderfully done!
ReplyDeleteWoot! Thanks, Karen :-)
DeleteHe doesn't seem to realize that it's all about his child's life now, and not about him.
ReplyDeleteHis hatred for the savages is rooted deep. Thanks for visiting, Linda :-)
Delete