Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Weekend Writing Warrior: January 12, 2014



Weekend Writing Warriors
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in. Here we are...already drifting toward the middle of January. For anyone who completed 50,000 words for the NaNoWriMo challenge, a reminder that some of the discounts (prizes) expire at the end of January. One expires as early as the 15th.

If you haven't taken the time to answer the five short survey questions in our Weekend Writing Warriors poll, please do. The link is HERE . Wewriwa has been hosting all you talented writers for almost a year now. The admins thought it might be a good time to take stock to see how we're doing --in the eyes of everyone who is using, or has used the site. Not promising changes, but we're listening; we'd love to hear from you. It's important to us because you, the participants, are what makes this site work. Please feel free to share that link and spread the word.

Finally: Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE


This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father.  The unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable.  The air is thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by. To see a compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE.



Creative punctuation at work to stay within wewriwa's guidelines. :-)




After he was done shouting at the only god he’d ever loved, all was silent save for the newborn’s soft baby noises. The small sounds swirled around Deamante, compounding the dizzying effects of grief coupled with rage. He fell to his knees, his breathing a fierce rush through gritted teeth while petrified onlookers didn’t move a muscle.

His breaths growing quieter and quieter were finally soundless. He slowly stood, and looking at no one in particular, said, “God does not exist.” There was no shouting, no elaboration, just the strangely controlled proclamation that caused everyone who witnessed it to tremble. Shadows of a vastly changed future flickered in their eyes; an edict had been given.

The healer cleared his throat twice before his trembling voice emerged, "Shall I do away with it, my Lord?" 





That's it. (sorry for the cliffhanger)  What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting! 

42 comments:

  1. Jeez Deamante is sure having a melt down over it. Wow don't kill the baby! I'm dying to know what is so wrong with it. A demon? Otherwise he is just being selfish if the child is handicapped in some way. Your killing me Teresa!
    The Murders of Polly Frisch

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    1. Awe, lol, I don't mean to torture anyone. This is the first chapter of the book. Not sure if it has the same impact all put together now. Thanks for reading and encouraging, Cindy. :-)

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  2. Chilling. Amazing atmosphere and drama, Teresa, this is great stuff!

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  3. Dying to know what's wrong with the baby! This is truly fascinating, Teresa!

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  4. I also want to know what's wrong with the baby. I'm thinking that Deamante is a bit better than I expected when he started being angry. Maybe he will save his son.

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    1. Thanks, Linda. All I can say is sometimes it takes an entire book for a man to understand and accept his child. :-)

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  5. Love the tension and the sense of finality after he shouts that proclamation. Even though this is an intimate scene, it also feels big and epic because of the issues involved.

    Maybe saying "he rose to standing" could be changed to just "he rose". I think most people would assume that means he stood up, unless you say otherwise.

    I love fantasy stories with an epic feel, even if the story isn't actually "an epic" :)

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    1. Thanks, Marcia. Oy! I even saw that after I posted it. Thought I had gone back to take out the "Mr Obvious" words. lol. Thanks for visiting.

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  6. Here it comes. The moment we've been dreading. You've created a story in a time and place far from us and yet it's so today's news. This is the count down, folks. And our very own Teresa holds the envelope with the answer.

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    1. Haha! I like your comment, Charmaine. If I didn't already know, I'd guess you're a writer. :-)

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  7. Fabulous excerpt. It's very, very powerful. And what's wrong with the baby! I can't wait to find out the answer to his question. Great job!

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  8. Brilliant! I loved this, so powerful. I could 'see' it playing out in front of me.

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    1. Thanks, Gemma! Glad the picture was clear! :-)

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  9. Oh gosh...next week, if you are a merciful and benevolent Teresa, we shall see if he wants his son spared. I'm on the fence in guessing! Nice job.

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    1. Thanks for visiting, Millie. I hope things go well for you this week. <3

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  10. Wow, this story so far is powerful and sad and very well written! I'm drawn in and I hope the child will be ok...can't wait to see what happens next! Great snippet!

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  11. love this pivotal moment. what is he going to do with the baby?

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    1. Thanks, Michelle! He has a plan, but it's about to be partially thwarted. :-)

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  12. Wow, that's a strong snippet, Teresa. And yeah, I want to know what's "wrong" with an apparently healthy baby. Nicely done.

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    1. Thanks, Siobhan. I'm so happy that readers want to know. :-)

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  13. I hate it when people make sweeping proclamations when they are obviously far to upset to think straight.

    He better not order that child killed.

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    1. :-) He did. And it will have lasting effects. :-) Thanks for visiting, Kate!

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  14. He's like a big toddler throwing an epic fit . . . It suits him, but sheesh!

    Make or break time . . . Don't leave us hanging, Teresa!

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    1. Yeah, make or break time. Coming soon. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sarah :-)

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  15. Oh, my gosh! What's wrong with the baby?

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    1. Thanks for visiting, Elaine! Well, so far this is only the first chapter. I'd planned to give that information a little at a time in the next several chapters. They happen two decades later. :-)

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  16. I also gather that him stating he no longer believes in god is a big deal
    And thanks for participating in my survey

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    1. Yeppers, Sue! A very big deal. This event will shape the lives of thousands of people he rules. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  17. This sent chills down my spine... And I want to know what happens next! I particularly liked the first line - it hit me right in the heart. I can't wait to read more :)

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    1. Thanks, Alex. I apprecite hearing which parts resonate deeply. :-)

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  18. Do away with what? The babe? Any God related items? Ugh, how stressful!! And we still don't know what's wrong with his son. Great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. Hmmm, might be somewhat confusing. I'll take anohter look at that. Thanks, Elyzabeth! :-)

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  19. Omigosh! I got goose bumps reading this! Excellent work.

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