We are doing some site maintenance for wewriwa.com, so we ask that for this week, you visit wewriwa.blogspot.com to access the linky list and find a lot of great writers and their 8 sentence snippets. There's something for everyone.
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Finally: Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE
This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working
title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The
ruler, Deamante, has just become a father. The
unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable. The air is
thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by. The
healer asked Deamante if we wants to do away with it. "It" being
the newborn. He said yes, but wants to wait to make it public. He believes he's been betrayed by his mate. Rella is the mother, and Crinda is Rella's sister. To see a
compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE.
He spun on his heel and departed, with his aides scurrying to keep up.
Collapsing into her pillow, Rella shook with sobs.
Crinda squeezed her shoulder and urged, “Rella, collect
yourself. We have to act now.”
Rella sucked in a breath of air and held it for a few
seconds then slowly blew it out. She looked up and met Crinda's eyes, mirrored pools of summer-sky-blue pain, fear, and longing. A leftover shudder of a sob racked her when she said, “You believe me, Crinda, don’t
you? I was with no other, and I don’t know how this happened.”
That's it. What jumps out at you, good
or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am
truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.
Thank you so much for visiting!
I feel such empathy for poor Rella and her baby, I hope she can save him
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chelle. In the next week or two, we'll know. :-)
DeleteWow! I'm always taken by how emotional and raw your prose is, Teresa. "...their eyes meeting, mirrored pools of summer-sky-blue pain, fear, and longing." Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteWoot! Coming from a master, that's a big pat on the back. :-) ! Thanks, Steven :-)
DeleteI'm glad he is out, Rella needs some rest.
ReplyDeleteShe does. It's been an emotional time for here, and none of it her doing... Thanks, Linda :-)
DeleteSpun on his 'heel'. Spelling thingy in your haste to write, fearless leader of ours. You've captured dark shadows of life so well. There has to be light to balance this tragic tale. Or perhaps not. Wonderful, Teresa.
ReplyDeletelol! Thanks for the catch, Charmaine :-) I'm forever throwing these posts together at 11:00 PM Saturday nights. :-) There will be light. :-) Thanks for visiting!
DeleteYes, I think they'd better move FAST while they have the chance. Wow, the tension!!! Excellent excerpt...
ReplyDeleteTime is of the essence! Thanks, Veronica. :-)
DeleteAnother excellent 8 Teresa. Is the fact that the baby's eyes are blue ringed in purple that they know the child is unfit (I caught up on the posts)? Auntie better grab that baby and run!
ReplyDelete(I'm here, got an error when I tried to add to the WWW list last night.)
The Murders of Polly Frisch
That is one of the signs. I have to write more to indicate how they know he's a "savage".
DeleteI had problems signing the linky, too. I closed my browser and opened it again, fortunately it worked the second time. I hope this isn't a frequent issue. :-(
Thanks for visiting, Cindy :-)
Emotional and tense.. I'm intrigued by this story and where it will go.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen! :-)
DeleteTeresa,
ReplyDeleteI'm on a mission to cut out as many uses of "ing" words in my own writing, it's hard to miss them in the work of others.
Can't help but wonder how this sentence would sound if you left them out: "She looked at Crinda, their eyes meeting, mirrored pools of summer-sky-blue pain, fear, and longing."
Hmmm...I'm now seeing/hearing what you mean. Will take a look at that, Chip. Thanks--it's always good to add an editing tip to my arsenal. :-)
DeleteGerunds are sometimes needed to give tense properly, but I agree that two of the three used in that sentence could be replaced by past tense with no loss and some gain in clarity.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sue Ann. I'll be reworking that part. :-)
DeleteI'm betting Crinda will make sure that baby stays safe, if Rella is too emotional. Anxious to find out what happens after this!
ReplyDelete(I like Frank's suggestion)
:-) You are intuitive where there is going. :-) Thanks, Marcia! :-)
DeleteI'm really enjoying this story. It's agonizing to only get eight sentences at a time!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexiss! :-)
DeleteWow, this is awesomely written, Teresa! Such a frightening and intense scene. I truly hope Rella can find a way to save her child. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Evelyn. Sometimes a tragedy is unavoidable, especially when dealing with unstable people. :-)
DeleteI'm so glad Rella has Crinda---who knows if she would be able to move for anguish without the help!
ReplyDeleteYep, Crinda will be a saving grace for Tayden. :-)
DeleteYes! Go Crinda! So happy Rella has someone on her side.
ReplyDelete:-) Crinda is a good person. Thanks, Eleri!
DeleteDamn, I never thought Rella had cheated on Deamante until now. I loved the description of their eyes, that was beautiful. Now, they better act quickly or else... I can only think of horrible outcomes. *gulp*
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elyzabeth! That is his first thought, and he acts on it.
DeleteTake that baby and RUN! Such an excellent eight (last weeks eight as well!). Oh crap, Deamante is turning out to be a real turd!
ReplyDeleteTurd, indeed! Thanks Millie :-)
DeleteJust from this bit, I'm wondering how 'unacceptable' happens, and is identified--and I want to read more to find out.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm miffed at Deamante for immediately deciding no child of his could be this way, so his wife must have cheated.
Glad that aspect of Deamante came through, loud and clear. By the end of the book, we understand (somewhat) his hatred for their kind. Understand, though it's still unfounded.
DeleteRun away quickly!
ReplyDeleteYep, as fast and as far... Thanks, Elaine. :-)
DeleteI really feel for Rella and her baby. I'm wondering why this child is so unacceptable, like if it's obviously another race or is in some way deformed.
ReplyDeleteGlad to read that those questions have formed in a reader's mind. Thanks, Carrie-Anne!
DeleteA leftover shudder of a sob.. liked this
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sue! :-)
DeleteLove the names! This is the first time I have been able to read yours. :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome! I'm glad you made it. Time is so precious--it gets kind of overwhelming, huh?
Delete"mirrored pools of summer-sky-blue pain, fear, and longing."
ReplyDeleteGreat phrase! Enjoyed the whole snippet.
Thanks, Deb! Happy birthday! :-)
DeleteVery emotional. And I'm very worried for Rella and her baby. I can't wait to find out what happens! Great 8.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anne. :-) ! Wrapping this up in the next few weeks. :-)
DeleteOoo, scandal! Love the emotion here. So well done, Teresa. Very vivid 8!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen! A little scandalous deception to shale things up. :-)
Delete"mirrored pools of summer-sky-blue pain, fear, and longing" -- wow! That's so beautiful, weaving her emotions into her physical description, very effective and so well done! thanks so much for the week-end writing warriors, Cindy told me about it and I just joined today. So great meeting you all and reading all these fabulous snippets!
ReplyDelete