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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: February 2, 2014

 


Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in.
Thanks everyone for flip-flopping around to accommodate our site maintenance. We're all good and back on track now. We have a few little changes coming up, but nothing that will affect site use. Just some things we've been planning to make wewriwa.com a more useful tool for our participants. More about that to come in the next several weeks.
Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
 

This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father.  The unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable.  The air is thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by. The healer asked Deamante if we wants to do away with it. "It" being the newborn. He said yes, but wants to wait to make it public. He believes he's been betrayed by his mate. He left, along with the healer and the aides, leaving the two women alone in the room. Rella is the new mother, and Crinda is Rella's sister. To see a compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE. 



Using the corner of a blanket, Crinda dabbed at the tears on Rella’s face.” “I believe you.”



Rella reached out and  grasped Crinda’s wrist, then her words tumbled out in a desperate stream, "I think he really will kill him. Please, help me.”


Crinda tried using her big sister voice, but it came out more a plea than a demand, “Neither of you are safe. You both must go. Now.”


That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!  


The Facebook Snippet Sunday group (no connection to us, but many wewriwa participants do both groups, so as a courtesy...) can be found HERE


48 comments:

  1. I thinks she should go, too. Great 8 as usual. :)

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    1. Thanks, Karen. They're running out of time. :-)

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  2. I can always feel your characters raw emotions. Great job, Teresa!

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    1. Thanks, Steven. Glad they come through. :-)

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  3. You can just feel the tension in this scene. Well done, Teresa!

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  4. Tense, emotive snippet, i like the little touch about using the corner of the blanket to dab away the tears.

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    1. Neat--glad you liked that little touch! :-) Thanks, Gemma :-)

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    1. Thanks, Eleri! I really hope to release it this year. ~sigh~ If I were more organized. :-)

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  6. What happens next, Teresa? Please tell. Run, run, run or die. Right now I need to take a walk and get some fresh air. This suspense is taking a toll.

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    1. Ha! All in due time, Charmaine! lol This has been the first chapter, and I'll be finished with it in the next couple of weeks. :-) Thank you so much for all of your encouragement. :-)

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  7. ooh great development, get them both out. Crinda's right of course, neither of them are safe. Hope you pick up from here next week!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia! Yep, right from this spot next week. :-)

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  8. Nice tension. You pack a lot of character into a few lines.

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  9. Yes, I'm totally with her - go NOW! I'm really invested in these characters...great snippet!

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  10. I agree with Cirinda. The sooner they get moving, the better. Another great snippet, Teresa.

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  11. I'm nodding in agreement. Get out of there, it's not safe!

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  12. Great emotion. I think they better go too.

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  13. Just put a period after "stream" and "demand" and you've nailed it, Teresa. Great snippet. :)

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    1. Ugh, tags and beats get me too often! Thanks, Siobhan--awesome editor you are. ;-)

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  14. Oh geez, she should totally go, but fleeing now? Where? Poor things!

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    1. Yeah, fleeing now--it's a problem for Rella. Thanks, J Rose :-)

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  15. Yes, but how? She's just had a difficult birth.

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    1. Yes she did, Sue Ann. Flight isn't really an option for her.

      My grandmother used to tell a story about getting out of bed after one of her kids was born (1910-1925 she gave birth) and fixing breakfast for her husband and then taking care of his bedridden parents. She was one tough lady. Most women aren't made that way. :-)

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  16. I must have missed that they were sisters---thank heavens she believes her!

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    1. She does. She's a sooth as well. She knows things she's not saying. Thanks for visiting, Sarah. :-)

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  17. Is he really capable of killing them? I know he's angry but... *gulp* They should definitely flee, but how and where to? Great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. Yes, quite capable. Thanks, Elyzabeth! ;-)

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  18. I hope he doesn't kill the child. Nice tension in snippet.

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  19. Yes! Run! Run! This scene just keeps getting more intense. Whew!
    The Murders of Polly Frisch

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    1. Thanks, Cindy. Tension is about done. :-)

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  20. So upset that he's turned his back on the baby and his wife. Hopefully he will see the error before she gets too far away.

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    1. Oh, Chelle, it takes a whole book for him to see the error of his ways. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  21. I don't think there's any doubt he'll kill them both. They need to get the heck outta dodge! Yikes!

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  22. I would go too, unless there's reason to suspect a trap may be waiting for them, or their path out could be blocked.

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  23. Me too, Carrie Anne. Thanks for visiting :-)

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  24. It's a good scene. But "big sister's voice" jarred me. this is a fantasy yes? and has an old world or other worldly feeling. The phrase appears too contemporary, so I felt

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    1. Maybe "older and wiser sister voice"? Thank you Sue. It's so helpful to know at this early stage when something doesn't work for a reader--and why. :-)

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  25. I agree. Definitely run! Great tension and suspense in your 8!

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