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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors Januray 16, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in.

Another week of snow and cold here in North Eastern USA. It's good writing weather, though.
 
Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


 
This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father.  The unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable, and Deamante believes this is because the new mother, his mate Rella, cheated on him. The healer asked Deamante if he wants to do away with it. "It" being the newborn. He said yes, but wants to wait to make it public.  He left, along with the healer and the aides, leaving the two women alone in the birth  room. Crinda is Rella's sister. Crinda just told Rella that they have to go (to safety NOW). Rella is in denial that her mate will harm her, but accepts that he would kill the newborn.  Crinda speaks first. This is now in Crinda's POV.  To see a compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE. 



In the answering silence, Crinda added, “The glass. The bones.”

Rella’s voice was low and oddly composed when she answered. “The auguries are wrong; I have to stay. But you can do it--you can slip the baby out of here and take him to safety.”

They were out of time. Defeated, Crinda accepted what she must do. Sliding her  hands to cradle Rella’s face, her gaze lingered for unaffordable seconds, a last fleeting glimpse to register the beauty, the goodness, and the love that existed in her baby sister.
That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad, I'd love to hear. And I'm truly grateful for every bit of criticism; I do learn from it. Have a great week, everyone, and if you are in colder climes, stay warm. :-)

40 comments:

  1. "her gaze lingered for unaffordable seconds"...that right there...priceless. Love it!

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    1. :-D <--- big smile. Don't you sometimes wonder from whence inspiration comes? Thanks so much for visiting, Millie! :-)

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  2. I fear that Rella is making a huge mistake and I believe that Crinda knows this is the last time she will see her sister. I am glad the baby will be brought to safety,

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    1. Yes, yes, and yes. Crinda is a good aunt to little Tayden. She has to act fast before Deamante's shock wears off and he thinks to take out his anger on Crinda, too. Thanks for visiting, Chelle. :-)

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  3. Terrific stuff, Teresa! "The glass. The bones." That could be the tagline for a whole series of books -- wow!

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  4. Gorgeous. You've broken our collective hearts. Crinda flees into the night with the unacceptable baby and then what happens??????????

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    1. Oh boy...a big question coming up about that. :-) Thanks, Charmaine!

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  5. Beautifully written with exquisite descriptions, lovely.

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  6. Wonderful snippet. I'm afraid for them all.

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    1. Thanks, AS, Glad it made you emote. :-)

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  7. I so badly wanted Rella to come to her senses and run too.

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    1. This is one of those scenes that is truly hard to write, but it sets up the story, sets up the enduring emotional trials of Tayden and of Deamante. I'm really not a good person to kill people off. It's one of my writer's block triggers. :-) Thanks for visiting, Eleri!

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  8. awwww! Honestly what else can I say to that excerpt? Just awwwww! So much intense emotion in such a short space. Great job!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia! :-D <--- Big smile here.

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  9. Oh, nice, Teresa! Crinda is the sister we all want by our side! Great job, hon!

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  10. Fabulous! You've handled a very emotional scene with great skill. I'm hooked into wanting to know what happens to all of them.

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    1. Woot! "...all of them." Music to my ears, Alexis. :-)

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  11. She's so Stoic about saying goodbye to her newborn, possibly forever. I hope the baby makes it to safety.

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    1. She is, or maybe she's in shock. Thanks for visiting, Carrie-Anne. :-)

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  12. Rella seems still in shock, but is sounds like the baby will be an orphan as well as "unacceptable."

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    1. Looks likely, Sue Ann. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  13. I think Rella is wrong about her husband. What a heartbreaking situation to be in.

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    1. I think you are right, Elaine. Thanks for visiting! :-)

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  14. Oh! Crinda and the baby?

    That sound you just heard was my heart breaking . . .

    This just keeps getting worse and worse in the very best way, Teresa!

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    1. Ha! Thanks for the encouragement, Sarah,"...worse and worse in the very best way..." :-)

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  15. Wow, that final line. You're killin' me, Teresa! So well-written!

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  16. Poor Rella. I feel so sad for her and we barely know her thru the snippets anyway. You've painted such a vivid picture. I'm pulling from Crinda and the baby now. Excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thank you, Veronica. Good words to read!

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  17. "The glass. The bones" Nicely cryptic, you've caught my curiosity.

    The lovely description of Crinda's goodbye makes me very worried she's right about the fate of her sister.

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  18. This is beautiful, Teresa! Subtle, precise, and poetic. You can feel the doom hanging over all of them and just know bad things are coming to Rella. Sad that she's unwilling to escape fate.

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    1. Thanks, Monica! Yep, sometimes we need a sacrificial lamb to set a story in motion. :-)

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  19. These tiny little snippets are agonizing! I want to know more, more, more! Will he kill his mate? :-( I knew Deamante had gone mad with the birth of his child, but to that extent? :-(

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    1. Certifiable... mad. Thanks for visiting, ELyzabeth :-)

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  20. Omigosh, get the baby out safely! Sooo intense. Great 8, Teresa!

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    1. Yep...the baby has to get out. :-) Thanks for visiting, Karen! :-)

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