Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: January 19, 2014


Weekend Writing Warriors
Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in.

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wewriwa.blogspot.com

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Finally: Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

The Snippet Sunday group can be found HERE




This is from a WIP, a fantasy story. Working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"The ruler, Deamante, has just become a father.  The unthinkable has happened--the child was born unacceptable.  The air is thick with tension as the moments following the birth tick by. The healer has just asked Deamante if we wants to do away with it. It being the newborn. To see a compilation of snippets previously posted from this chapter, click HERE.
I apologize for going over 8. I wanted to (almost)  complete the scene.



Remnants of tears still glistened on Deamante’s face, but his voice was devoid of emotion when he answered, “Yes.”



Rella clutched the child against her and screamed,“No! You can’t! I don’t know why—I, I don’t know what happened, but you can’t kill him!” She’d moved beyond pleading; defiance burned in her eyes.



Time felt suspended in the room that was now soundless except for splattering waves of rain blowing against broken window shards.  Standing in the middle of shattered glass and shattered dreams, Deamante turned to look at her, and with that same strange, controlled voice said, “Whore, you have betrayed me and have no say in this.” Then he turned to the healer and said, “For now, leave it be; it must be public. I’ll send someone to take care of it.” There was no sign of anger, save for the clenched fists hanging at his sides.

That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting! 

46 comments:

  1. Beautiful descriptions and raw emotion. Gripping, powerful stuff. Nice work!

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  2. It used to be that I would be deeply effected by sadness in people's lives. Now I get excited when I see happy things, so now I can say that good jumps at me.

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  3. Excellent snippet, so much emotion in so few words, I especially like this line, 'Standing in the middle of shattered glass and shattered dreams' brilliant!

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    1. Thanks, Gemma! Have you ever written something and then afterward, wondered from where it had come? :-)

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  4. Wow, he is cold. At least there's time for someone to save the baby! Really an intense snippet...

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    1. Thanks, Veronica! :-) Time...some. But it
      s slipping by in a hurry.

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  5. "Standing in the middle of shattered glass and shattered dreams."
    Nice line.
    Great snippett.

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  6. You do such a beautiful job capturing intense emotions. This is a truly stunning snippet Teresa.

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  7. What intense emotions. Love this, even as dark and cold as it is...I can't wait to see what happens next.

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  8. I wonder if he's blocking his feelings to do what he has to or if it will be easy to get rid of his son. tense 8

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  9. Sheesh, he's really been driven over the cliff by this. I wonder if Rella will try to smuggle the baby out somewhere safe, or stand up to him, or what? Am really curious where you're going with this.

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    1. Thanks Marcia. I hope the reader is wondering by this point. I hope they're curious enough to keep reading. Not sure. This is the first chapter. Chapter two is nearly three decades later.

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  10. I just came in on the middle and I've already fall in love. The emotions are so raw and beautiful. I can't wait to see more next week.

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  11. You've painted a terrifying, emotionally heavy scene. I hope someone's able to save the baby.

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    1. I'm so glad to hear the readers connecting with the story via short snippets. :-) Thanks, Carrie-Anne! :-)

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  12. A child born unacceptable. Then you paint details of a setting amongst shattered glass and other things. It has made me want to read what came before and what comes next. Well played snippet.

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  13. This is such a heartbreaking scene. Really enjoying this story, Teresa.

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    1. Woot! I'm so happy you're enjoying it. :-)Thanks, Eleri :-)

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  14. Complete wreckage is what you've painted so well in this scene. I'm in the room, ice cold with shattered dreams and nothing good ahead. Save me, Teresa.

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    1. Complete? That is downright wonderful! Thanks Charmaine!

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  15. Oh! I believe her!! Don't do it, Deamante!! But of course, what else is he supposed to think?! Great work, Teresa.

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    1. Thanks, Rose! Lol--I like your comment! :-)

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  16. Oh my. This is very powerful and well written. Wonderful snippet!

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  17. I'd still like to know the genetics of the condition. Deamante is automatically assuming a dominant, in which case he could not be the father. But most genetic conditions just don't work that way. Emotionally, he's not going to blame himself, though it's far more likely that both parents share a suite of recessives.

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    1. It looks bad for Rella, but in this case, it is a recessive.

      Thanks for visiting, Sue Ann. :-)

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  18. The first thing I thought of was, "Move, woman! the minute he's gone, run!"

    But she's just given birth---how can she escape with her baby?

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    1. Yes, there are some very practical limitations to her ability to flee. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  19. I'm guessing Deamante has shifted into shock mode and is getting to be pretty numb emotionally. He really shouldn't be making any decisions right now. The women won't let him kill the child though. I'm sure of it. And I'm wondering if Rella will offer her own life to save her son. Powerful eight, Teresa!

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    1. Wow, you are a mind reader, Kate! Yeah, the women do what they must to save the baby. Next week and the week after. :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  20. so the child will live but I doubt the father will allow him to have a good life...

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    1. You are perceptive! Thank you for visiting :-)

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  21. Such emotion! And such a heart-wrenching choice, but to blame his wife is dreadful. Run Rella run!

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    1. Dreadful, indeed. This is a sad beginning for Tayden's life. Thanks for visiting, Elaine :-)

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  22. My heart is braking for his loss for to turn one's heart to stone against a newborn is a loss - his son is born and he turns away, how sad. I am glad the mother stood up to him and hope she will find a way to save the child and herself.

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    1. The opening chapter is an emotional rollercoaster. The reader doesn't know what happened to Rella until a few chapters into the book. Tayden (the baby), on the other hand, is the story. But his life is hell. Thanks for visiting, Chelle!

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  23. Powerful stuff. Well done and very captivating.

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