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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors July 13, 2014

 Weekend Writing Warriors

      Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns. Did you get to see the moon last night? We got a few peeks between clouds, making for great photos.

 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE

 
    Arriving at the dock (number 6 as instructed) The boat that will take them upriver into the Firce Mountains. Creative punctuation in use.

   
A man emerged from the boat; his face looked like old leather, wrinkle upon brown wrinkle, and his hair was as gray as the weather-worn boards beneath their feet. Sunshine and water appeared to have aged the boat driver’s clothing as well, fading it to pastel memories of the color it once had been.  He reached out to steady each of them as they stepped across the narrow span between dock and boat. Unless Kad was mistaken, the driver’s voice carried a tone of mirth, as if he were speaking through a hidden smile when he said,“I’m Wiley. Fode filled me in. You, with the hood shading your face? Keep it up until I tell you the worst of the threat is behind us.”

That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad? I'd love to hear it. Thank you so, so much for reading this.
 

And for your viewing pleasure:





50 comments:

  1. Well written! Especially liked the first two sentences and the analogies therein.
    Kudos!

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  2. I like this a lot too. When I see physical descriptions I always ask myself if it's apropos for the characters to notice all that, but here it clearly is -- these guys need to know who they're dealing with so they're going to be vigilant and observant.

    Beautiful photos, too. I got similar views but I knew my camera wouldn't take shots like this!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia.

      We were sitting around the fire ring most of the evening, and when the sun went down, the clouds rolled in. I though--what are the chances. :-) It finally peeked through around 11:00 :-) This little camera does pretty good. It's a couple of years old and something is loose in it--sometimes the screen won't light up. And it's the first one I've ever owned that doesn't have the eye view thingy. :-( I don't like using a screen in the first place. But it was a gift from Dave. There are other things about it that he knew I'd like, and options get more and more limited... I might be without a camera for a while if this one really craps out. :-(

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  3. Wonderful snippet and I love the moon shots. You did a great job showing lots of strong detail. I love the weathered face and clothing. Although I'm not sure what the "them" is that he reached out to steady. I'm guessing he's steading the other characters but the line came out in an awkward manner. Perhaps it would be better if you broke up his speaking with him reaching out to steady Kad. Well done, over all.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html

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    1. Thanks Joyce. I did rewrite it after reading your comment. :-)

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  4. I simply liked the way Wiley addressed them, sounds authentic. Great 8.

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  5. I was right in the moment and had already sensed danger before his warning. Fantastic writing!

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  6. Well the driver's tone got me. Doesn't seem like a nice guy. Great photos. It was overcast where I am, so I couldn't see the moon.

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  7. : ) Oh, I think I'm gonna like Wiley! He sounds like quite the character. I'm not sure I like the ? I reread it trying to make it sound like a question...it's more of an order. Maybe think about that punctuation. I like these little guys...maybe they'd be appropriate : ) ?

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    1. By these little guys, I meant the ellipsis : ) Gah, you probably knew that, but I thought maybe I was being unclear, so hence the extra clearing comment that was likely unnecessary : )

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    2. Mulling it over, Ms Millie :-) You did okay. (I saw the ellipsis) but thanks for coming back and explaining in case I didn't. ;-)

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  8. Sounds like an entertaining character, and I love the descriptions. "...fading it to pastel memories..." I could picture it so clearly.

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    1. Thanks! And thanks for visiting, Ian. :-)

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  9. Great description of the man's features. Very well-written.

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  10. You have a gift for good visual description. Love the - "his face looked like old leather, wrinkle upon brown wrinkle, and his hair was as gray as the weather-worn boards beneath their feet."

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  11. Great description of the boat captain and his clothes, especially the phrase "fading it to pastel memories of the color it had once been." Lovely.

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  12. Fantastic descriptions, very poetical!

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  13. Very vivid, fluid description of the man that melded with the setting (comparing his wavy hair to the warped boards was pure genius). Great snippet.

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  14. Wiley by name, wily by nature? :)

    I like him already, Teresa!

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  15. Sounds like Fode told him quite a bit.

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  16. Good descriptions. Wow, the secret seems to be pretty obvious to everyone they're encountering, so I hope the group can get where they're going, unscathed! I'm very invested in the story now, after all these weeks...great snippet

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. Those are great words for me to read!

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  17. I really loved this snippet! The description of the man and his boat were very vivid. The fact that they were both weathered seemed to imply he had been doing this for a while.

    I really liked this line, "Unless Kad was mistaken, the driver’s voice carried a tone of mirth, as if he were speaking through a hidden smile when he said,“I’m Wiley. . ." It's just so perfect.

    About this line, "Sunshine and water appeared to have aged the boat driver’s clothing as well, fading it to pastel memories of the color it once had been." I think it might sound better as, "The elements appeared to have aged the boat driver’s clothing as well, fading it to pastel memories of the color it once had been."

    Sounds like they aren't out of trouble yet. Looking forward to next week :D

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    1. Thanks for sharing your insight, Paper Butterfly. I consider it all when I rewrite. :-)

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  18. Wonderful description and I loved the last line when he warns the one with the hood to keep it on. ;-)) And wonderful pictures!

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  19. Such descriptive writing. Must take a lot of patience.
    I love the Moon shots. We went out to look, but our whole neighborhood is full of trees. We saw just a little glimpse behind the clouds. May be today.

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  20. Pics of the moon are great, and I love this line: pastel memories of the color it once had been.

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  21. YUM on absolutely everything, Teresa. What a pleasure to read your snippet.

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  22. I love your descriptions in the opening lines! They really help the scene to come to life in wonderful detail.

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  23. Your descriptions are just amazing! I can picture him so well. Love that he appears to have a sense of humour. Well done.

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  24. I loved your snippet! You described the guy perfectly--I could picture him vividly in my head, and the cliffhanger at the end was cool. It got me worried for their safety; I'm assuming they're out in the middle of a storm! That's one of my worst nightmares. I'm looking forward to reading your next section :)

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  25. Wiley has an interesting take one the situation.

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    1. Yep, he does. A small player in a large story, but he is a good guy. Thanks, Linda.

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