Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: February 15, 2015

Welcome Warriors.  I hope everyone is warm and safe. Such a large area of the USA has lethal cold right now. 
   If you'd like to know about the Weekend Writing Warriors teeshirts,  please see note at the end.
        Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

          Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE   
This is Chapter 2 from my WIP, ATNS, called "The Hunter"  where we're introduced to the male main character, Cuylrh (rhymes with Tyler). They're preparing for a hunt on a remote world. Abraxum is Cuylrh's "first guard", a royal designation. He is a teacher, mentor, and bodyguard to Cuylrh.
Last week's 8 ended with this,  spoken by the old guard, Abraxum: 
And do you recall the lessons on working the mind rather than the metal? That the former often serves better than the latter when facing responsibilities?”
We continue from there:



Cuylrh glanced at Abraxum, then looked at the ground while he spoke, “Everyone, you know your positions; get set, now. Abraxum, please stay,” After sheathing their weapons, the guards scattered up over rocks and boulders to their assigned places. Cuylrh continued in a low voice. “Your words carry your displeasure to my ears, most loyal guard. Would you speak what chafes you?”
Abraxum leaned close. “The hunt.”


           Hmmm, the hunt? A curious reaction...  :-)  That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

          On a personal note, this evening I watched my eight week old granddaughter, Dessie,  while her mom and dad went out for a Valentine's Day dinner. She smiled at me!  Now I'm given toward acting the complete fool to coax smiles out of her.
 

          I'm reposting the teeshirt info for anyone who missed it. 
Teespring, the company that prints the teeshirts operates in an unusual manner. When we launch a teeshirt drive, we have to set a "goal" number of shirts to sell. That number directly affects the price that teespring charges when shirts are sold. The higher the goal number, the lower the offering price. We didn't meet our goal. So, our campaign ended. We had the opportunity to reconfigure our goal number and relaunch the campaign. Unfortunately, by lowering the goal, the price is driven up. Not a lot, but it isn't anything we're in control of. As before, we're not making any profit on these shirts. We're just trying to give our wonderful, talented, family of writer/participants an opportunity to own a shirt that shows off something really neat. Something we're proud of. We're writers. :-)   Everything is handled through the company that prints the shirts. You choose style and color from available options, they take your information, and the payment doesn't go through unless we meet a minimum number of sales. If they print the shirts, they also ship directly to the buyers. If you'd like to pre-order one, or just see what's available, click HERE!   If you pre-ordered in the last drive, we're sorry, but you'll have to go through the process again.

Have a great week, all!

58 comments:

  1. I've been out of the picture for a while now and didn't realize you'd started on a different work. This sounds like an intriguing world - you excel at interesting personalities :)

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    1. Ian, this is the story I have to get published. The first one I ever wrote, and the one that on my mom's deathbed, I promised her I'd publish. Her favorite story of mine...

      It lives in me, with all of its problems. I wrote it 10 years ago, before I had even the foggiest idea of how to write. :-) I've struggled with POV issues in it. Originally it was two very distinct storylines, one of which was a dream. Therein lay the POV issues. In the MC's dream; how could another character have a POV? Much angst over this book... :-)

      Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  2. I love the line "Would you speak what chafes you?" I'm curious as to just what type of hunt this is.

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    1. Whew! I changed it once, then changed it back again. Wasn't sure about "chafes". I wrote "offends", then decided that chafes works better. Thanks for visiting, Carrie-Anne! :-)

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  3. I like the word "chafes". The hunt certainly sounds mysterious. Raises interest very well.

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  4. It's a compelling scene filled with great background detail (guards climbing the rocks) and tension. "The hunt" makes me suspect that it is a grim undertaking.

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    1. :-) He is about to be scolded. :-) Thanks for visiting, Gem.

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  5. Very nice dialogue. I want to hear what's on this guy's mind. Nicely done, Teresa!

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  6. Nice 8! I think Cuylrh's voice is a bit formal, but I'm assuming we'll get used to that in coming scenes :) I really want to know what that hunt is about.

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    1. Thanks, Liza. It's a fine line, writing his voice with the formality he was trained to use, but not going over the top with it. :-)

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  7. I love the formality of the speech! It give the whole scene an "ancient" feel. The hunt sounds potentially ominous.

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  8. Oh! I like this one already. (And +1 on loving the more formal speech pattern.)

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  9. ooooh "the hunt". Sounds ominous. I want to know more! Great snippet, Teresa!

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  10. I get it. The hunt is not meant for men--rather it's for animals. Abraxum wants his leader to reason rather than to kill.That said, love the grandbaby smiles. I'd sing, tap dance, stand on my head to get her to laugh and smile. Delicious.

    I lost my Mother when she was 50. She never got to see me develop as more than a young mom. Yes, she's still with me in my heart and dreams.

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    1. So young to lose your mom. They do stay with us--we carry them everywhere we go. :-) I lost my dad when I was 27. So many times I'd just love for him to see where my kids are. He'd be so proud of them.

      I'm sure your mom was proud of you. :-)

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  11. Intriguing! This follows nicely from the mind and metal snippet. "The hunt" does sound ominous, especially since the concern is coming from the old guard.

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    1. Abraxum might be my favorite character of any I've ever written. He wears a face of stoicism, but inside he melts into a puddle for Rissa. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  12. "The hunt" ties in nicely with his earlier comment, confirming that Cuylrh is about to do something he shouldn't, which makes for great story tension. Powerful snippet.

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    1. Thanks for letting me know it's working, Alexis. :-)

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  13. "The Hunt," yes, very intriguing. Loving everything so far.

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  14. I wonder what about "the hunt" is bothering Abraxum. Seems like the hero is doing something questionable here maybe.

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    1. Yep...he has been. But that's all about to change. Thanks, Kate!

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  15. Hmm...what is it about this hunt that is such a problem for him? Intriguing snippet. :)

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    1. A different hunt, perhaps? ;-)

      Thanks for visiting, Rose! :-)

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  16. I like the speech patterns here---archaic, but not stilted or wooden. Very well done, Teresa!

    And I'd like to hear about the hunt, too. :)

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  17. I wonder if Abraxum sees something about the hunt that Cuyler has missed--because he's thinking about using the metal sword and not engaging his brain fully? You've peaked my interest!

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  18. Okay, now I have to know about the hunt. What do they hunt? Why? So many questions. Wonderful teaser.

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    1. :-) Thanks, Patricia. More is coming. This is early in the book, and I want to be sure it works.

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  19. I like the lesson that diplomacy should take precedence/

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    1. Thanks, Alice. That's their cultural norm, but they do carry big sticks for when diplomacy doesn't work. :-)

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  20. Can't wait to find out what's bothering Abraxum about the hunt. Love the worldbuilding! Great snippet...

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    1. :-) The book certainly asks the readers to suspend their disbelief. I hope it works. Thanks, Veronica. :-)

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  21. These two obviously have respect for each other. Very curious about the hunt. Great job.

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    1. They really do. Abraxum might be my favorite character of all time. :-) Thanks, Karyn.

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  22. Love the old world feel to the snippet. And I'm curious to more about the hunt and why he's worried.

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  23. Can't wait to find out what the hunt is.

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  24. Interesting that he objects to the hunt, especially on the heels of that lesson about mind over weapon. An intriguing snippet, Teresa!

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    1. A bit of trickery going on. I hope the reader buys it. :-)

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  25. I'm curious to learn what they're up to, exactly. Intriguing snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Aheila! It might take a couple weeks to get it all posted. :-)

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  26. I can see them speaking so clearly, Teresa. I would change a couple of things:
    Cuylrh glanced at Abraxum, then looked at the ground. “Everyone, you know your positions; get set, now. Abraxum, please stay.”
    After sheathing their weapons, the guards scattered over rocks and boulders to their assigned places. Cuylrh watched them go before he said more.
    “Your words carry your displeasure to my ears..."
    This makes the action identify your speakers and gets rid of unnecessary dialog tags. It also preserves the casual confidentiality he wants to have with Abraxum. Nicely done. :)

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    1. Thanks, So much. Siobhan. So much more fluid. :-)

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