Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday,
and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This
is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are trying to find him. The final sentence last week was a thought by the elder guard, Abraxum: Please dear Giver, make us fast enough to reach him in time."
My excerpt...
Six reference points were highlighted in a three-dimensional display panel. Abraxum's eyes fixed on the flashing dot in the center, their established location. It was the source of their scan sweep, searching for a twin dot to appear. But nothing else came to life on the scanner. The situation was growing more worrisome by the minute.
He looked at the men, then back at the scanner displays. His young guards were proceeding with a good measure of discipline. They'd reverted to their training, yet he'd still seen fear in every eye. He didn't have to tell them this was life or death, the most
critical undertaking they'd ever done as a King's guard.
That's
it. What works. What doesn't? ) I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)If you're in the USA, no matter how you feel about war, I hope you'll take a few minutes to think about the men and women who gave all in the line of duty...
You set a scene of tense waiting for action.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aurora!
DeleteNice tension, Teresa, makes me afraid to look away for fear something will happen! =D
ReplyDeleteGave me the shivers Teresa!!! Hopelessness of a scanner. And your description of fear in every eye of their guards . . .expert. Love it.
ReplyDeleteI hope they do find him . . . just, maybe not right away. :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent tension, Teresa!
This snippet had tension and fear written all over it. The guard must feel as if he's failed in his job. I do hope the find the heir. Nice snippet!
ReplyDeletevery good build up as we watch what he's watching
ReplyDeleteSome cool technology they've got- that isn't quite doing the job. :-) Nice snippet!
ReplyDeleteOh no, I feel that there might not be any hope ... Ghe snippet is full of tension and angst. Great snippet, as always, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteI like it, tense scene. I thought the comments about the young guardsmen were excellent. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteSounds like it's more than just the King's life in danger here :)
ReplyDeleteScanners surprised and excited this reader. Young guards and the old Abraxum; wonderful contrast and time is running out.
ReplyDeleteLots of tension and angst. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteI could feel the tension and fear. Great imagery!!
ReplyDeleteGreat tension..
ReplyDelete"the most critical undertaking", very serious stuff, great tension and palpable fear.
ReplyDeleteSo often, people lose their senses when a high-ranking person is involved. I hope these people retain their cool and successfully locate the heir.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that you note that his men are young... has he no veterans at his disposal? Makes me wonder if something even more drastic has been going on all along (it must have been since their ruler has been kidnapped).
ReplyDeleteNice flow of how worried he is though.
I like the emphasis on the 'dot' in the first paragraph and the worry you show as he watches the scanner....really adds to tension.
ReplyDelete