Hello, Writers! Good bye May, hello June! I hope we all get what we need weather-wise. More rain or less rain...let the weather gods smile upon us all.
Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday,
and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This
is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky .
The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space, watching the scanners while they try to
find him. The final sentence last week was Abraxum's thought: He didn't have to tell them this was life or death, the most
critical undertaking they'd ever done as a King's guard.
My excerpt:
Time seemed to move as slowly as the stars outside their windows. Finally, a flashing dot appeared on a scanner screen. “It’s a Science Culture signature,” Norstar said, “and moving away from us, fast. It'll take some time to catch.”
Abraxum
leaned over the guard's shoulder and studied the display while he gave
instructions. “Switch spectrums, and look for activity, for weapons arming, and don’t be afraid to push the engines.”
The
crew once again grew quiet as they traveled. Dhurstan, co-piloting next to Norstar, finally broke the silence, his words tumbling out much faster than they would've if he'd actually been as calm as he appeared. “We have a new hit behind us. And they’re not even trying to hide.”
That's
it. What works. What doesn't? ) I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)
"...And they’re not even trying to hide.” Wow, great way to keep us grasping for more. You've set a very realistic sounding scene and have the reader totally engrossed. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chelle! :-)
DeleteOminous last line -- definitely makes me want to turn the page...
ReplyDeleteWoot! Thanks, PT :-)
DeleteWhat a last line. well done ... can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Iris! :-)
DeleteThis doesn't sound good at all. If they are not hiding, they are confident enough to make serious damage!
ReplyDeleteYeppers, could be the case at this point. We'll soon know. :-) Thanks, Linda :-)
DeleteThey're in trouble or are going to be soon. I hope they make it through unscathed. Great snippet, Teresa! Looking forward to more!
ReplyDeleteWell trained. It's just taking time. And Kuylrh is injured. :-) Thanks for visiting!
DeleteTeresa I liked the dialogue. The line where he says, "Don't be afraid to push the engines," pulled me in. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, Paula! :-)
DeleteSo some are hiding and others are not?
ReplyDeleteActually, one ship is crippled and is now incapable of hiding. The other isn't hiding. ~whispering~ they aren't enemies coming in from behind. :-) Thanks for visiting, Aurora!
DeleteLoved the last line! It's as if they want to be found (and possible captured?) Great snippet!
ReplyDelete:-) Stay tuned. Thanks, Frank!
DeleteUh-oh! Great tension and pacing, and the dialogue is, as ever, great. Nice work,Teresa!
ReplyDelete~grinning like a fool~ Thanks, Steven!
DeleteUh oh. Things are about to get hairy. The last line says it all! Awesome snippet, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteIt does speak volumes about who is behind them. :-) Thanks for visiting, Dani!
DeleteInteresting how Dhurstan's voice gave away his anxiety, and that ominous last line shows why. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteDhurstan...now he's a real piece of work. He was soooooo much fun to write. :-) Thanks for visiting, Christina!
DeleteI'd assume that the new ship is attacking . . . but you always add such interesting twists, Teresa, that I can't be sure.
ReplyDeleteSo I'll just wait on the edge of my seat, here . . . :)
Haha! Oh, you know me too well, Sarah. lol. Thanks for visiting!
DeleteWhat an emotionally charged snippet, Teresa, as usual! You are so good at building the tension and painting the scene and it shows here! Now . . . what could this new ship want with them?
ReplyDeleteThey might be complicit in an accidental way with the young King's abduction. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sara!
DeleteThey are going for broke to find their King. A thrilling chase in outer space.
ReplyDeleteThey are, Charmaine! :-) Thank you!
DeleteThere's so much going on in this snippet- it has me asking all sorts of questions- like if the second "hit" is a diversion from the real target, if they're going to get into a fight, etc. Great job!
ReplyDeleteA catalyst for crossed-star lovers to meet, perhaps... Thanks for visiting, Alexis!
DeleteDrew me right into the action. I want to know more and you just left us hanging. lol Enjoyed the snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-) Thanks for visiting!
DeleteEnjoying the story and can't wait to find out who or what is following them now! Minor suggestion: you have 'it's" three times in the third sentence (but I realize this is a WIP!) Terrific, suspenseful snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that catch, Veronica! I was absolutely blind to it. I've made some changes, and tightened it in the process. :-)
DeleteThere are such nice details in the dialogue. Really puts you in the moment!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Eleri! :-)
DeleteThat last sentence or two makes me think things are about to get hairy. Love battles, ship fights and the whole nine :)
ReplyDelete:-) I love scifi. This story is romance with scifi elements. I didn't even think about it until a couple of weeks ago when a facebook writers' group had a discussion about it. Thanks for visiting, Michelle!
DeleteAh yes, the old enemy on the tail trick, otherwise known as TROUBLE!
ReplyDeleteThere is ongoing trouble, Ed. It lies ahead of Abraxum and his crew. :-)
DeleteThey must be either very powerful or friendly if they take no care to hide.
ReplyDelete:-) Elaine, you are perceptive! It might not be an enemy... Thanks for visiting.
DeleteUh-oh! Something wicked this way comes...
ReplyDeleteThis may be from making the sentence count, but I think the dialogue might work better as:
"Switch spectrums. Look for activity, for weapons arming. Don’t be afraid to push the engines."
Short choppy commands, to show the tension.
Good advice, Caitlin. Thank you! :-) Yep. I did do some tinkering with punctuation for sentence count.
DeleteAh - things are about to get complicated" -if the enemy won't even hide.
ReplyDelete:-) Complications are on the way. :-) Thanks for visiting, Victoria!
DeleteLoved that last line. I want more.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cecilia!
DeleteThe last line was good. Thing is, rereading last week's snippet with this one, I didn't get the impression that they were on a command deck of a battle/space-ship until this piece. It caught me at unawares (enough to make me go back and recheck last week's snippet). Still love how his people are trying so hard to stay in control of themselves despite their inexperience.
ReplyDeleteOne of the problems with sharing short snippets, Eden. :-) It's tough to grip context. Thanks for visiting! :-)
DeleteI like how he's keeping his cool and grace under a lot of pressure. Panicking under such circumstances would be the last thing anyone needs.
ReplyDeleteAbraxum is a great character. He's a tortured soul living with deep regrets carried from his younger days. That's the reason he chose to stay single--and enter the King's guard. :-)
DeleteNicely paced scene. The tension is palpable.
ReplyDeleteThanks, JT :-)
ReplyDelete