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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: May 31, 2015






  Hello, Writers! Good bye May, hello June! I hope we all get what we need weather-wise.  More rain or less rain...let the weather gods smile upon us all.
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 

This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky  . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space, watching the scanners while they try to find him. The final sentence last week was Abraxum's thought: He didn't have to tell them this was life or death, the most critical undertaking they'd ever done as a King's guard.
My excerpt:


Time seemed to move as slowly as the stars outside their windows. Finally, a flashing dot appeared on a scanner screen. “It’s a Science Culture signature,” Norstar said, “and moving away from us, fast. It'll take some time to catch.”

Abraxum leaned over the guard's shoulder and studied the display while he gave instructions. “Switch spectrums, and look for activity, for weapons arming, and don’t be afraid to push the engines.”

The crew once again grew quiet as they traveled. Dhurstan, co-piloting next to Norstar, finally broke the silence, his words tumbling out much faster than they would've if he'd actually been as calm as he appeared. “We have a new hit behind us. And they’re not even trying to hide.”

 That's it. What works. What doesn't? ) I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

54 comments:

  1. "...And they’re not even trying to hide.” Wow, great way to keep us grasping for more. You've set a very realistic sounding scene and have the reader totally engrossed. Great snippet.

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  2. Ominous last line -- definitely makes me want to turn the page...

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  3. What a last line. well done ... can't wait to read more.

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  4. This doesn't sound good at all. If they are not hiding, they are confident enough to make serious damage!

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    1. Yeppers, could be the case at this point. We'll soon know. :-) Thanks, Linda :-)

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  5. They're in trouble or are going to be soon. I hope they make it through unscathed. Great snippet, Teresa! Looking forward to more!

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    1. Well trained. It's just taking time. And Kuylrh is injured. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  6. Teresa I liked the dialogue. The line where he says, "Don't be afraid to push the engines," pulled me in. Great snippet.

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  7. So some are hiding and others are not?

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    1. Actually, one ship is crippled and is now incapable of hiding. The other isn't hiding. ~whispering~ they aren't enemies coming in from behind. :-) Thanks for visiting, Aurora!

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  8. Loved the last line! It's as if they want to be found (and possible captured?) Great snippet!

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  9. Uh-oh! Great tension and pacing, and the dialogue is, as ever, great. Nice work,Teresa!

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    1. ~grinning like a fool~ Thanks, Steven!

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  10. Uh oh. Things are about to get hairy. The last line says it all! Awesome snippet, Teresa!

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    1. It does speak volumes about who is behind them. :-) Thanks for visiting, Dani!

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  11. Interesting how Dhurstan's voice gave away his anxiety, and that ominous last line shows why. Great snippet!

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    1. Dhurstan...now he's a real piece of work. He was soooooo much fun to write. :-) Thanks for visiting, Christina!

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  12. I'd assume that the new ship is attacking . . . but you always add such interesting twists, Teresa, that I can't be sure.

    So I'll just wait on the edge of my seat, here . . . :)

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    1. Haha! Oh, you know me too well, Sarah. lol. Thanks for visiting!

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  13. What an emotionally charged snippet, Teresa, as usual! You are so good at building the tension and painting the scene and it shows here! Now . . . what could this new ship want with them?

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    1. They might be complicit in an accidental way with the young King's abduction. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sara!

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  14. They are going for broke to find their King. A thrilling chase in outer space.

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  15. There's so much going on in this snippet- it has me asking all sorts of questions- like if the second "hit" is a diversion from the real target, if they're going to get into a fight, etc. Great job!

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    1. A catalyst for crossed-star lovers to meet, perhaps... Thanks for visiting, Alexis!

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  16. Drew me right into the action. I want to know more and you just left us hanging. lol Enjoyed the snippet. :)

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  17. Enjoying the story and can't wait to find out who or what is following them now! Minor suggestion: you have 'it's" three times in the third sentence (but I realize this is a WIP!) Terrific, suspenseful snippet!

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    1. Thanks for that catch, Veronica! I was absolutely blind to it. I've made some changes, and tightened it in the process. :-)

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  18. There are such nice details in the dialogue. Really puts you in the moment!

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  19. That last sentence or two makes me think things are about to get hairy. Love battles, ship fights and the whole nine :)

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    1. :-) I love scifi. This story is romance with scifi elements. I didn't even think about it until a couple of weeks ago when a facebook writers' group had a discussion about it. Thanks for visiting, Michelle!

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  20. Ah yes, the old enemy on the tail trick, otherwise known as TROUBLE!

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    1. There is ongoing trouble, Ed. It lies ahead of Abraxum and his crew. :-)

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  21. They must be either very powerful or friendly if they take no care to hide.

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    1. :-) Elaine, you are perceptive! It might not be an enemy... Thanks for visiting.

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  22. Uh-oh! Something wicked this way comes...

    This may be from making the sentence count, but I think the dialogue might work better as:
    "Switch spectrums. Look for activity, for weapons arming. Don’t be afraid to push the engines."
    Short choppy commands, to show the tension.

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    1. Good advice, Caitlin. Thank you! :-) Yep. I did do some tinkering with punctuation for sentence count.

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  23. Ah - things are about to get complicated" -if the enemy won't even hide.

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    1. :-) Complications are on the way. :-) Thanks for visiting, Victoria!

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  24. Loved that last line. I want more.

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  25. The last line was good. Thing is, rereading last week's snippet with this one, I didn't get the impression that they were on a command deck of a battle/space-ship until this piece. It caught me at unawares (enough to make me go back and recheck last week's snippet). Still love how his people are trying so hard to stay in control of themselves despite their inexperience.

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    1. One of the problems with sharing short snippets, Eden. :-) It's tough to grip context. Thanks for visiting! :-)

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  26. I like how he's keeping his cool and grace under a lot of pressure. Panicking under such circumstances would be the last thing anyone needs.

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    1. Abraxum is a great character. He's a tortured soul living with deep regrets carried from his younger days. That's the reason he chose to stay single--and enter the King's guard. :-)

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  27. Nicely paced scene. The tension is palpable.

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