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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: June 7, 2015


  Hello all. I hope you had a good week--and you had lots of time to write. :-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky  . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space, watching the scanners while they try to find him. The final 2 sentences last week, spoken by Dhurstan while co-piloting the ship.: " We have another hit behind us. And they’re not even trying to hide."

This week's excerpt picks up from there.   Note* creative punctuation may be in use.


Abraxum's hand reflexively went to the pommel of his sword. “Who or what is back there?  Another SciCult  ship?”

“Cordotions.”

“Maintain silence. No contact.”

“It might be Burmandar…he could aid us.”

“Or it might not be him. We can’t chance it.” Abraxum’s tone stifled Dhurstan's protest--just as he’d meant it to, leaving no squirm room for the rest of the men.
 That's it. What works. What doesn't? ) I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

36 comments:

  1. Abraxum definitely suspects someone bad. Just the way he is reaching for his sword shows that no chances should be taken. Dhurstan should be just as suspicious. Great job with the tension-building.

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    1. You're right. Dhurstan is young--and still learning, but his cockiness gets in his way. :-)

      Thanks for visiting, Frank!

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  2. Yes, they need to be cautious, but if they need to get the heir back, they need to find allies. A difficult fence to walk. Great 8!

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    1. It is a difficult fence. :-) Thanks, Jenna! :-)

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  3. I like the juxtaposition of reaching for his sword while captaining a space ship- my kind of novel! And what the heck is a SciCult? Very fun snippet.

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    1. It's a little offbeat--not your average SFR. I'm asking for big suspension of disbelief :-) Thanks, Alexis. :-)

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  4. Add me to the list of those who liked him reaching for his pommel--it shows his tension and frustration.

    Thia continues excellent! :)

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    1. I'm so glad you like that line--that it worked for you. And thanks for visiting, Sarah. :-)

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  5. Abraxum is one smart old dude. He's the one with experience so the younger staff better listen.

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    1. He is. He's the best person in the book. :-) Thanks for visiting, Charmaine. :-)

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  6. Leaving no squirm room sounds like a good idea, given the tenuous, every-moment-counts circumstances.

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  7. Hmm, I begin to wonder some about our commander here. What does he have in his past that we don't know about that's making him so very much on edge?

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    1. There's definitely memories there that would make him fearful of tangling with the SciCults again. Thanks for visiting!

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  8. Unlike some others, his reaching for the sword just made me wonder why he bothers to wear a sword on a spaceship, and what the heck he thinks he can do with it in present circumstances. Quite possibly you've explained his attachment to the sword elsewhere, though.

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    1. His grandfather (the King) eschews technology, except for those in high places. He forbids its use among citizens. A very low-tech weapon, people use swords to defend themselves. And skill with a blade is revered in this culture. Some say that a man isn't fully dressed without his blade.

      Yes, explained in detail in a couple of places. :-)

      Thanks for visiting, Ed!

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  9. Oh dear, better do as he says, experience is vital in these situations. Tough decision though!

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  10. We'll keep traveling in the dark! For whatever reason.

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  11. A sword on a spaceship- the best of all worlds. I love it! It sounds like Abraxum knows what he's doing, fortunately.

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    1. Abraxum does. :-) Thanks, Christina!

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  12. I like his no-nonsense attitude! And you have me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what happens. :)

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    1. Thanks, Joanne! :-) He's tough on the outside. :-)

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  13. Maybe the sword is some sort of talisman, and he does sound just like the captain of a ship ought to sound.

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  14. I was with Ed, reaching for a sword on a spaceship seemed anachronistic but perhaps you've laid the seeds for this earlier in the book! I'm enjoying the story and I felt the terse dialog was right for this scene. Great snippet!

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    1. There's a reason for it. :-) Thanks, Veronica. :-)

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  15. I kind of wonder if this is a good place to be shutting down independent thought... or a good one to brainstorm a better idea!

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  16. I'm intrigued about the setting. Swords and spaceships (at least they sounded like spaceships to me). A different combination but it sounds like fun!

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  17. Sometimes you turn down the help you need because you have reason to fear it's not what it appears. Hard decisions. Great imagery and good tension.

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  18. Tense scene! I love it, great work! Abraxum is one heck of a warrior.

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  19. preparing for a potential battle. very tense build up. glad you explained the sword and I love that background and world building tid bit

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