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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: June 21, 2015




 
Happy first day of summer! Well, first partial day of summer. It kicks off at 12:38 PM here. Another week has passed and it's time for the Writing Warriors to gather together again. :-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space, watching the scanners while they try to find him. The final sentence last week was spoken by Abraxum--and the snippet cut him off  mid-sentence: "
Abraxum spoke even and low. ”Weapons at the ready.



     Norstar, find the dock.”

     “I’m looking. Maybe they don’t have one. Maybe they transport themselves like they do  their captives.   Maybe…”

     “Find the dock.”

     “Yes sir.”

     Eeadartha's inexperience was obvious in his youthful, wide-eyed expression when he said, “I never thought I’d see a Science Culture ship up close like this.”

     Dhurstan shifted in his seat. “Pull up your big-guard pants, Eedar; you’re about to see it a whole lot closer.”

 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

23 comments:

  1. You've got me wondering what's so special about a science culture ship.

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  2. I love the line about big-guard pants. I'm also curious about what exactly a Science Culture ship is.

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  3. I am already an addict- I wouldn't miss my weekly fix for anything. Loved the tension and humor.

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  4. I'm curious about the absence of a visible dock on the ship.

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  5. Now I'm wondering about this elusive dock. And lol at "big-guard pants." Love how you're spinning out the tension here!

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  6. I was trying to picture the ship as I read this. It must be huge, and I wish I could be with Eedar when he sees it up close.

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  7. Teresa with the space humor! Delightful in the midst of terror. Wondrous snippet.

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  8. Good work. Like the pull up your big guard pants. A different take on a popular saying. Interesting. Can't wait to read more.

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  9. You have me curious. Loved the banter. Got a kick out of the last line. :)

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  10. Great line “Pull up your big-guard pants, Eedar; you’re about to see it a whole lot closer.” loved it.

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  11. I love a sarcastic man! :D

    But I'm still yelling, "No! No docking! Run!" at this snippet. Because that really doesn't seem like a good idea to me . . .

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  12. Yeah, I think they should stay away from this thing too. Teresa I like the way you structure your dialogue and your sentences. Pulls me right in. Great Eight!

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  13. Love the humour in this snippet and the tension as they approach.

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  14. This is all very ominous- makes me appreciate the moment of humor all the more. Nicely done!

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  15. A little sarcastic humor in a tense situation is very well done. You've captured the tension nicely too.

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  16. Hmmm, if the Science Culture ship is such a big deal, I suspect it is dangerous to some degree. Most things that loom large on the horizon are. Great snippet! Lots of tension.:)

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  17. Yes summer is here. We are feeling major humidity in Chicagoland. Ugh! Great snippet, I love the tension. Eeadartha is obviously freaked out. Great scene!

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  18. "pull up your big guard pants" love it! nice tension here, too.

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  19. Love the "big guard pants" sarcasm at the height of tension in the scene!

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  20. I can feel the excitement picking up!

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  21. A nice mix of dialogue and personal perspective here. These youngsters are in for a big surprise, I'm afraid. I don't know it for sure, but I really do feel it.

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