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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors June 14, 2015




 
Happy flag day if you live in the USA. Happy Sunday to everyone else. :-) 
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space, watching the scanners while they try to find him. The final sentence last week was: " Abraxum’s tone stifled Dhurstan's protest--just as he’d meant it to, leaving no squirm room for the rest of the men.



The two days it took to catch the Sci-Cult ship dragged on unmercifully. Finally close enough to maneuver into a follow pattern that avoided the larger ship's engine-wash, they engaged their external lights.
“What in the name of the Giver…” Dhurstan’s words trailed off.
Abraxum studied the screen displaying live feed of the torn exterior—peeled back like a mighty hand had grasped it in anger.
Norstar cleared his throat, and when he spoke, the barely masked alarm in his voice was unsettling. “If someone can actually do that to those jecking poachers, we’d best avoid them. Their might must be immeasurable.”
Abraxum spoke even and low. ”Weapons at the ready.

Yep. Abraxum has been cut off, mid-sentence. :-)

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

34 comments:

  1. The picture you create is terrifying. What could be so powerful? I can't wait to find out.

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    1. We're about to shift POV. The SciCult are cold and detached. An emotional (aka human, Rilatan, etc) would call them ruthless. Thanks, Kim!

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  2. Oh dear ! No wonder there was no signal.

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  3. Ok, I'm officially on the edge of my seat! And I loved, "peeled back like a mighty hand had grasped it in anger."

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  4. I wanted to read more at the end! Being cut-off in mid sentence could only mean trouble. You've built up some good tension here.

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  5. I was NOT expecting that, Teresa!

    And now I'm worried for Abraxum . . .

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  6. I love it when the sentence abruptly ends or trails off. I hope poor Abraxum is okay.

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    1. Abraxum is tough as iron. He is the best character. His back story is so sad, but that doesn't get shared until 1/3 of the way through the book.

      Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  7. Oh oh, what's happened? Exciting snippet - action packed!

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  8. Serious business going on here and please no to my fave Abraxum.

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    1. :-) Yes, Charmaine. ;-) I'll take care of your fave. :-)

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  9. Sounds like the attackers might not be that far away yet.... Can we hope they survive? (Well, obviously they must, as this is their story, and it wouldn't be nearly as awesome if they died, but still...)

    That said... I don't feel the sense of the two days dragging on. I realize you don't want to do too much explaining HOW they dragged on as they would drag on in a much worse way, but a solitary sentence doesn't portray the tension and fear these people must be dealing with. We're not on the edge of our seats, tense and uncertain the way these people must be.... To be hanging on the proverbial emotional thread and then come to see this destroyed ship.... That SHOULD come off as more devastating than it did. At least to me.

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  10. Great Eight, Teresa. That would terrify me to see that in space. What works here is the imagery. And their responses.

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  11. They definitely better be on their guard at least. Great snippet, Teresa. :)

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  12. That's one intense cliffhanger to end on! It doesn't seem like things are going to go well for Abraxum and his forces.

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  13. Yeah, you don't want to meet the people who can peel a ship's hull like a banana. But I bet they will, anyway!

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    1. Eventually they do. Thanks, Caitlin! :-)

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  14. Wow, interesting new development. This story is full of surprises (which I like). Can't wait for more! Excellent excerpt...

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  15. Uh oh, it's time to fight. Love it! Very intense scene.

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  16. Peeled back like a mighty hand would definitely scare the *** out of me. Great cliffhanger mid-sentence and all

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