Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: June 28, 2015




 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) It's the last wewriwa in June! Hard to believe. :-) Another week has passed and it's time for the Writing Warriors to gather together again. :-)If your post is always what appears when your link is clicked on the linky list--or if you sign up with a direct link to your weekly post,  please skip all the stuff in red--except for the mention that we're looking for another moderator or two. :-)
             A quick reminder: when your link is clicked on the linky list, your wewriwa post must be what appears at the top of the page. If you have something else going on that Sunday that you need to post for, then please... make your signup on the wewriwa list a direct link to your wewriwa post. That way, it doesn't matter what is at the top of the page on your blog, the participant (or moderator) clicking your link will be taken to your #8sunday post. :-)
             I know :-) It seems like everything we do is geared toward making it easier for the moderators--and in truth, we try really hard to do that. Moderators (selflessly giving up their time to count sentences each week) are hard to come by. We always have our eyes open for another moderator, by the way. Any volunteers? It doesn't pay much--just a permanent promo spot  for your published book on our wewriwa page. ;-)
             If you have trouble with a direct link (difficult blogging platform etc) and you need to change your link, please let us know before Sunday morning. You can email me at cypherbuss at yahoo dot com, or wewriwa at yahoo dot com, or leave a comment beneath the weekly sign up post at wewriwa dot com.
            Okay, moving on...:-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space. They've located the ship they think he's on. It looks like it was attacked. Last week ended with a glimpse at Dhurstan.

Dhurstan shifted in his seat. “Pull up your big-guard pants, Eedar; you’re about to see it a whole lot closer.”


We continue from there:



Abraxum scolded, “Get your head into the task. Frabrand, unlock the charge box. Distribute hand weapons to everyone.”

Norstar started navigating around the perimeter of the large, unmarked ship. “Its gravity spin is still functioning.”

Another minute went by with their external lights continually sweeping over the ship's surface. A circular port came into view. Its dimensions and clamp pattern appeared to meet Empiric standards.  Norstar matched the SciCult ship’s slow rotation while Dhurstan aligned their port with the larger ship’s. He initiated auto-dock and lifted his hands from the controls.

 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

42 comments:

  1. I love the detail in the last paragraph, though I'd like to have a basic idea of how the dimensions and clamp pattern meet Empiric standards. Nothing too infodumpy or slowing the story down, maybe just a quick line or so.

    When I have multiple posts on the same day, or put up another post after a post for an ongoing bloghop, I always make a note at the top of the current leading post, with a link back to the post most people will be looking for. It's just common courtesy if you're posting more than once a day.

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    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne. I'm mulling over your feedback, playing with the words again. :-)

      I so agree--it is just common courtesy to make sure people don't have to search around your blog. I think sometimes people are new to blogging, and haven't figured out things like that.

      When I find a link that leads off to nowhere, I look for the correct post, then change it in our linky list. It's time consuming. :-)

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  2. Slow rotation - leaving us in suspense!

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  3. Love it, shoot out those commands commander! I am thinking its going to be a narrow miss, or that they are going to be knocked somewhere off route and learn to survive there! I can't wait to read more, come on next week!!! :)

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  4. This is more and more intriguing. You have me curious about that port. Great snippet as always!

    As for the moderator bit, I would love to volunteer to be one. Except with my travels, I wouldn't be available until August. I guess this would be a problem? I do hope I can be part of the team since W.W.W. has done so much for me.

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    1. Thanks for for your encouraging words, Frank!

      I'm so happy that wewriwa has helped you! :-)

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  5. Nice attention to detail, Teresa, and I love the building tension -- great work!

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    1. Thank you, Steven! :-) It's still very early in the book, and I'm trying to hang on to that tension. :-)

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  6. I like the contrast between the previous hunting scenes, which seemed low tech, and this one.

    This continues awesome, Teresa! :)

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    1. It is a dichotomous world. The technology is withheld from all but a select few. The reasons are given along the way. Thanks for the great comment, Sarah. :-)

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  7. And here comes serious action built up so well in your inimitable style, Teresa. I'll tune in next week to find out the irresistible next snippet.

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    1. :-) Thank you for the encouraging words, Charmaine! :-)

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  8. Your writing really shines in action sequences like this one.

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    1. Thanks, Eleri. That's a big vote of confidence, coming from a master of action writing. :-)

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  9. Love the detail of the light scanning the ship- made this scene very vivid for me. You're doing a great job of building the tension. (Sorry if I serial post- my browser seems to be having a problem with blogspot lately).

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    1. Thanks, Alexis. That means a lot coming from you. :-)

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  10. Great imagery. I'm curious to know what they will find now that they're docked. Will weapons be needed?

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    1. Maybe :-) <--- Evil smile. Thanks, Karen!

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  11. I don't want to go into that ship! I sense it will be bad in there! But I guess they have no choice...

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  12. I could visualize the scene quite easily from your description, a tense moment with more to come no doubt! If you need moderators, I could take a turn at doing the duty for awhile. I love the Warriors and definitely want it to stay viable! Let me know...

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    1. More to come, indeed! Thanks, Veronica! You're a peach :-)

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  13. Whoa, tense, tense, tense! Fabulous description that makes me think all of them are staring at the ship hoping it's the right one. Great snippet!

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  14. They've got a lot at stake here. And I don't have a good feeling about this ship at all. Great tension in this snippet.

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    1. Glad you're feeling the tension, Jenna! :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  15. I particularly like the final line: 'he lifted his hands from the controls.' Nice way to show, rather than tell, that preparations are over and we're ready for the next step.

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  16. I like the line about the clamp patterns. Makes it seem real. I agree with Ed about the last bit too.

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  17. I love the detail, but I still don't get as much of a sense of tension with the link-up/ port attachment. With a ship as damaged as this one, wouldn't they be constantly monitoring to make sure a system (like the gravity one you mention) isn't on the verge of failing (or doesn't fail suddenly). Even if the port is the right size, could there be concern about whether the port is damaged or the connectors not connecting right?

    Still, a very nice piece. I like the dialogue. It's smooth and realistic. Not sure whose head we are in (if anyone in particular)...

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    1. Thanks, Eden. I appreciate the feedback. It always gives me pause--to take another look. I hope the reader is aware of all of the concerns you've mentioned. I can only include so much--otherwise I'd risk bogging down the action scene with too many details.

      We are in Abraxum's POV. As mentioned in an earlier snippet. He's standing behind the navigators, observing all of this. :-)

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  18. It's about to get real when they open that port! Lock and load! ;)

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    1. Yessiree. Lock and load. :-) Thanks, Dani!

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  19. Love this line "Another minute went by with their external lights continually sweeping over the ship's surface." Kind of heart-in-throat time. I'm hoping that docking won't be a mistake. Great snippet.

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    1. Thanks, Chelle. They are charged with Kuylrh's safety. They don't have much choice. :-)

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  20. I like how you slowed the pace down a bit here, drawing out the tension. Along with some nice technical details.

    I'll volunteer for moderator, if you're still looking. I seem to be here most weeks anyway. :-)

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  21. Counting sentences will get me out and about on Sunday....I'm in, if you still need help! =)

    I like this snippet. It feels like it's building up to something major...kind of like an inhalation...

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    1. I like your observation. :-) Thanks, Shan!

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