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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 13, 2015


Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide

world--you guys really are. :-)

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
              This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The protagonists have just defended against a second onslaught by the predators. Kuylrh is alert now, and Rissa is doctoring him. There is now a small group gathered where they are, banding together against the man-eaters.Last week's snippet ended with this sentence: "A strange and incredibly ill-timed smirk settled across his lips.       

Creative punctuation alert. 


We continue from there with Rissa speaking:

            “I don’t know what you’re smiling about. Maybe you’ve lost enough blood that your brain’s deprived.” His smirk was contagious. Hysteria teased. She grinned back, barely holding in laughter--the  kind that's so inappropriate and then becomes unstoppable. Just the weirdness of the situation, how it felt like she was trapped in a horror film or, God... she couldn’t make it right in her mind. Unbelievable. Sitting there, in her bra, among strangers and wild animals bent on eating them all, and in what building? Field dressing a big guy that—she wasn’t sure, but suspected she could've seen in the pages of National Geographic illustrating ancient warfare. At least semi-darkness and absolute fatigue cloaked the moment.

 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

40 comments:

  1. I love how you've produced so much internal tension between opposites. Smiling despite blood loss. Laughter that's inappropriate. Trapped in a horror film that's reality. A guy that might, she isn't sure, be straight out of National Geographic. Excellent snippet.

    The only part that stopped me was "Sitting here in her bra among strangers and beasts..." Because of 'bra', I read that last word as 'breasts', and since that couldn't be right, I read it again. Same thing. It took three readings to get my filthy male mind out of the gutter.

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    1. lolol. Hmm, now that gives me pause, Ed. I'll toy with the wording. I never saw that word connection coming.

      Thanks for the feedback!

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  2. I agree with Ed (not about the breast thing lol!) wonderful writing, we all know that moment of disbelief that brings on uncontrollable laughter, very visual snippet!

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  3. Excellent piece as always,Teresa. I love the way it flows. It made me smile along.

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  4. I think we can all relate to fighting off the inappropriate yet hysterical laughter. The National Geographic reference created a pretty clear picture in my mind. Great snippet as always!

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  5. Your writing makes it easy to get caught up in the utter dichotomous strangeness of this moment, Christina. You always do a great job us dragging us into your character's worlds.

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    1. Thanks Steven. It is a weird sort of juxtaposition I'm aiming for. :-)

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  6. You've done it again, Teresa. We're captured by the snippet; your use of words-love the National Geographic imagery-and inappropriate laughter. Ed, behave or is that impossible?
    Wonderful snippet, Teresa.

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    1. Haha! That might be impossible! Thanks Charmaine. :-)

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  7. Oh my goodness, Teresa, you have me grinning this morning! So easy to relate to this scene, and it's wonderfully written, of course! Awesome job! :D

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  8. This is a great moment shared between two people. Really makes me connect to them. I liked the National Geographic image but was surprised by it. Didn't realize Rissa is an earthling (maybe I forgot from earlier snippets).

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    1. I'm so glad you connected with them, Alexis. Thank you!

      Yeppers. Rissa is from Earth, and just about to begin coming to terms with the idea that she's been abducted by aliens. :-) I came up with the best plausible way I could in which the abduction happened--who did it and why. It's all central to the story arc and what happens at the end of the book. ~sigh~ I will get hate mail.

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  9. Oh, this snippet had me grinning - it's like their own mirth is jumping out at me. Great snippet, Teresa! Loved it!

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    1. Haha! And now your mirth is jumping out at me. Thanks for visiting!

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  10. This piece is funny and horrific at the same time.

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    1. Thanks, Aurora. It actually is--I think you're spot on. :-)

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  11. Love her inner thoughts as she tries to process everything. Love that his smirk is contagious. :) Made me smile.

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    1. I'm glad it made you smile, Karen. Thanks!

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  12. I forget what made him smirk now but I don't think of smirk as genuine humor. Maybe I'm confusing it with snark! Anyway, I enjoyed her thoughts and especially the part about her trying to make the situation right in her mind. So, a terrific snippet!

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    1. :-) <--- BIG smile. Thank you, Veronica! :-)

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  13. Oh wow, Nat'l Geo still exists at this time/place? And I liked the ending line, how fatigue helps dampen her alarm at the current situation. Nice snippet (as always!!)

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    1. It does, Rose. This all takes place in current time. The flashbacks are only two years old. :-) Thanks for the encouraging words!

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  14. I really like her voice. She's in a crazy situation, but you make it feel very relatable.

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  15. The National Geographic reference is inspired. We can all relate to it.

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  16. She's lucky she didn't give in to the laughter, it'd be almost impossible to stop. And I think the craziness has only just begun,

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    1. Yes, indeed, Caitlin. Plenty of crazy to go around. Thanks!

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  17. I wonder if laughing along after taking the blue cloth seals a deal that she isn't remotely aware of?

    I used to pore over my grandfather's National Geographics...and the idea of tending a big guy while in my bra....I'm glad she's a bit too tired and numb to really think about the circumstances!

    I think you should ask a few other men to read this, and see if they read it the same way Ed did!

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    1. Well, Shan, you're on to something. There's some cultural practices at work here. I'm so glad you picked up on that. Thanks!

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    1. :-) Thanks, Chip. It means a lot. You're a tough customer. I mean that in the best of ways. :-)

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  19. Great scene. Love the ending and the National Geographic reference. I can totally imagine this very intriguing situation. The beginning made me smile for some reason. I love her character, she is so very real!

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    1. Thanks, Neva! :-) I'm so glad you think she seems real. :-)

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  20. This deep POV is wonderful. I really get a sense of Rissa's personality in this snippet. Especially from phrases like she "suspected she could've seen in the pages of National Geographic illustrating ancient warfare."

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    1. Thanks, Tamara! I like deep third, but it isn't without its challenges. I have concurrent story-lines running through the book, and one is first person. And there's an omniscient narrator (the wise-woman mythos) who has to chime in occasionally to defray possible confusion.

      I'm just tickled that you liked this snippet! Thank you :-)

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