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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Weekend Writing Warrior: September 20, 2015

Hello, Warriors! :-) I don't know about where you guys are, but it feels like fall here tonight.


Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
              This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The protagonists have just defended against a second onslaught by the predators. Kuylrh is alert now, and Rissa is doctoring him. Last week's snippet ended with this sentence: "At least semi-darkness and absolute fatigue cloaked the moment."       

Creative punctuation alert. 


We continue from there :

            She pressed against him while she worked the fabric--which turned out to be a scarf, around his back. He leaned his face into her at just about bra level, his warm breath making her acutely aware of how cold she was. Then he jerked, catching his breath, and moaned.
“You’ll be okay.” She finished drawing the fabric around him, then leaned back to even the ends. She watched him purposelessly—and shamelessly give her a survey starting at her neck, down to her breasts, lingering, and on down to her navel. “What a surprise. Knocking on death’s door, and yet…"  She shook her head at him, feigning a scold. "The award for best portrayal of a typical man goes to my golden-eyed friend…”
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That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

48 comments:

  1. Loving it Teresa! He is going to be interesting company 😊

    You mention the scarf in the first line, and then again as' fabric that turned out to be a scarf'- maybe the first reference should be more generic so the impact of the second is clear?

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    1. Good catch, Paula! I've tweaked it some. Probably not done with it yet. It's clunky. :-) Thanks for your encouraging words!

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  2. This might be the most entertaining snippet of yours that I've read. Believable and humorous.

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    1. Whew. I wasn't sure. It can be so cliche, or worse, going in that direction in fiction. I'm glad it's well received, Ed. I trust your opinion. Thank you!

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  3. He could be on death's door and of course he'd notice her in a very male way. lol Enjoyed the snippet.

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  4. He may be severely injured but he ain't dead yet, lol. Great line "The award for best portrayal of a typical man".

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  5. I loved the line "What a surprise. Knocking on death's door, yet..."
    That so humanizes them, Teresa. I liked the emotion in this snippet.

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    1. Thanks, Paula. I'm glad the emotion came through! :-)

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  6. I love the tone of this excerpt: sensuous yet playful, serious but at the same time with enough fun dialogue to keep it from getting too heavy. Nice work!

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    1. Thanks, Steven. She's really sort of punch-drunk at this point. An inch away from hysterical at any given moment. :-)

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  7. He notices her while he's wounded, but if he's a typical man, he'll think he's dying when he gets a cold.

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    1. Haha! So true, Cara. Thanks for visiting.

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  8. Love the last line! Who's gonna win that award? Great descriptions in the snippet. It's great to see your snippets again!

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  9. LOL! So alien and yet so human. But is it really what she thinks? Looking forward to more of this.

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    1. Nah, she's so confused right now. She flip-flops back and forth. And way worse things are to come... Thanks for visiting!

      Time to read one of your snippets, soon. :-)

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  10. Elevator eyes, even in life's last moments. :-) Great snippet!

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    1. Haha!

      Elevator eyes..." Nice!

      Thanks, Christina!

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  11. Love her sarcasm. This is a great snippet!

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  12. LOL, I love her last line. Great humor and unexpected comment. Nice job!

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    1. Oh gosh. I hope he continues to do so. Thanks, Aurora!

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  14. I love her final line in the snippet! Excellent, can't wait for more of the story.

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    1. Thanks, Veronica! Encouragement much appreciated. :-)

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  15. Marvelous snippet. The dialogue is witty and her remarks are so today.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine! :-) Good things to read about this snippet. :-)

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  16. Ha! Love her gentle care for him to her sarcasm at the end. :)

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    1. Yeppers, lol. It's a fine line, Lorien--isn't it? Having the character capable of sarcasm--and also vulnerable at times. I hope she comes across as very real to the readers. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  17. This is great. Tender and sexy, with a touch of humor. *happy sigh*

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    1. Touche, Eleri! Your comment makes me happy. Thank you!

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  18. LOL, I love that last line! A nicely written visual image of the scene. As always, a great snippet. :)

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    1. Thanks, Rose! The MC has really evolved from the first draft. It still amazes --the whole writing process. :-)

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  19. Nice, yeah that's a typical man for you! Very hot!!! I can totally visualize this scene! Great job!

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    1. Woohoo! Thanks for all the encouraging words, Neva. :-)

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  20. Yep, typical. I liked the interaction between them. I could visualize the scene clearly.

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  21. Even a dying man would probably look, and he doesn't seem quite that injured. Not that she seems to really mind.

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    1. :-) Just a tiny flicker starting--even in the worst of times and the worst of places. Instinct drives existence... Thanks for visiting!

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  22. LOL Of course he would look, and I'm sure he placed his head there on purpose. *grin* She doesn't seem too upset so... Great snippet, Teresa!

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  23. Teresa: thanks for stopping by!! Regarding above, I agree with Kim M that the reference to the scarf could be generic in the beginning and then specific as the reader reads further.... Other than that its perfectly entertaining!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Marjaan! It's good to see you :-)

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