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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors November 8, 2015



Hello all.  Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, a weekly bloghop.  If you're doing Nano, yay you! I'm not, but I'm cheering you on. :-)
        Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
              This is the start of Chapter 5 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . We're almost there--help is on the way. I might have to torture them for a bit, first. lol. Seriously, what happens is essential to the plot. My last snippet ended with this: "“The really funny thing is,  you’d never imagine you weren’t even on God’s green Earth.."       

Creative punctuation alert. 

 

We continue from there :



Something woke Rissa. She lay still, listening to shuffling and shifting noises. Where were they coming from?  Out in the darkness, something breathed, probably one of the animals that kept attacking them. The snoring nearby didn't frighten her; she figured it was one of the people in her group. 
The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Weird...was she being watched? Careful not to make any quick moves, she looked around. She didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until she exhaled. It was Kuylrh who was watching her, not one of those wild animals eyeing her up for its next meal.
 That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you share. :-)

Note* Elaine Cantrell missed the sign up deadline. She does have a post up. Its here at Elaine Cantrell

48 comments:

  1. Hmmm. Maybe not the meal she was thinking about...
    Splendid snippet Teresa!

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  2. I adore the way you ended this snippet, a little bit of punctuation could truly turn the line into something way different, as in it was Kuylrh eyeing her up for his next meal...

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    1. Thanks, Chelle! :-) Punctuation can change everything, huh?

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  3. Very tense scene! Great description on how her hairs stood up when she thought someone was watching her. That really got my blood pumping. :)

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  4. I agree with Chelle's comment. While I know what you mean with that last line, its slight ambiguity does a great job of getting across that she doesn't quite trust him.

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  5. That's one intense gaze. Great imagery.

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  6. Oh, I like how you got across the creepy sensation of being watched. Great scene, Teresa.

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  7. creepy. LOL, the feeling of being stalked and then he's standing there

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    1. Thanks, Michelle! I'm so glad the 'creepiness" translated to the page. :-)

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  8. Chilling descriptions, Teresa, nice job of capturing the fear of the situation! =D

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  9. That's an awful feeling to wake up to. Great description:)

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  10. Yeah no suggestions to change stuff from me this week! I was not sure about the dashes in that last sentence, but peeps are right in that they do add an extra layer to the thought. Cool beans!

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    1. I trust your keen eye. I removed the dashes. Thanks, Marcia! :-)

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  11. I'll pile on here. :-) I love that creepy ambiguity in the last sentence. It really highlights the still-uncertain dynamic between these two.

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    1. :-D Pile right on. lol. Thanks, Christina! :-)

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  12. Frightening moment written so well. She'd make a delicious morsel or is he just watching her?

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    1. Or is he? Good eye, Charmaine. He's might be still a bit unsure, too. Or not. ;-) Thanks for visiting!

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  13. Great snippet with lots of tension. Makes me want to know more!

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    1. I am so glad it made you want to know more. Thanks, Amy!

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  14. Kuylrh is eyeing her up for his next meal! And I bet she likes it. ;)

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    1. Perhaps. :-) lol Thanks for visiting, Dani!

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  15. ooh, tense moment! Can't wait to read on!

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  16. Creepy for sure. I like the last line. Good analogy being glared at like prey. Well done!

    History Sleuth's Mysteries

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  17. I'll add my voice to the choir. You do a great job of developing the creepy sensation and the fact that it turns out to be Kuylrh adds a great layer of tension between them.

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  18. So can she relax, or should be still be worried? He's watching her for a reason, I'm sure!

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    1. He's no threat, but she doesn't know that yet. he's about to do something that he'll pay for, actually they will both pay for, in the final pages of the story. Thanks for visiting, Caitlin.

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  19. Nicely done! Although yes, she may not be much better off being in Kuylrh's sights. Like the spike in tension, making one wonder why her senses have been alerted. Great snippet. :)

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  20. Glad to see more of this story, although as you say, the poor characters sure are in trouble! Great snippet...

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    1. Yep, they are. AN innocent decision is about to set up the ending of the story, two years later. Thanks, Veronica. :-)

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  21. I wouldn't be too sure about relaxing if I were Rissa. More trouble may be soon in coming, albeit of a different sort.

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    1. Just around the corner! Thanks, Carrie-Anne!

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  22. Nothing scarier than to think someone is watching you. Nice scene.

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  23. I love the set up. It could have been one of the animals attacking but instead it is Kuylrh. Oh my! I don't know anything about this character yet but I am dying to find out why he is a greater threat to her. ;-)

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