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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors November 15, 2015

 Hello all.  Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, a weekly bloghop.  If you're doing Nano, yay you! I'm not, but I'm cheering you on. :-)
        Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
              This is the start of Chapter 5 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . We're almost there--help is on the way. I might have to torture them for a bit, first. lol. Seriously, what happens is essential to the plot. My last snippet ended with this: "It was Kuylrh who was watching her, not one of those wild animals eyeing her up for its next meal..    Creative punctuation alert. 

We continue from there :



He’d lost the dazed look in his eyes, and his breathing no longer sounded like he fought for every breath. The other survivors came closer. When they were near enough to see Kuylrh in the dim light, their words were whispers and they bowed their heads. It was almost like they were in the presence of a god.  They kept saying the word "A’Niaz”.

She smiled, but didn't let down her guard. Their speechless communication came through loud and clear; they needed each other to survive. 
Someone's stomach growled. The rumbling could have belonged to anyone in the group; they were all desperate for food and water. And everyone knew that desperate people were not to be trusted.

 That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you share. :-)

47 comments:

  1. Excellent scene, Teresa.
    Her distrust speaks volumes about her history!

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  2. Great scene. Sounds like she's won them over! :)

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    1. She will. Oh my, and many more. :-) Thanks, Neva!

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  3. Desperate people not to be trusted . . . Great foreshadowing.

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    1. She's still in shock. Still wants to believe it's a sick hoax. But some part of her, the survivor, recognizes the danger in what's happening to her. And desperate people could be part of that danger. Or not. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Nancy!

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  4. Great as always, Theresa! I too liked the last line. Desperate people in desperate situations sometimes make desperate choices, and they aren't always the morally upstanding ones. Looking forward to seeing what happens next! :-)

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    1. Thanks, Amalie! There are times when wewriwa is my biggest motivation to continue writing. And it's the people, of course, who are wewriwa. Thank you!

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  5. Oh my. Is she about to be lunch or might they find those furry creatures to dine on. You're having fun with us, Teresa.

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    1. Haha! I am, Charmaine. I'll blame it on the characters. :-) Thanks for visiting.

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  6. Wow, this has taken an interesting turn. I can really feel her unease right now.

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    1. Lots of twists and turns early in the story. :-) Thanks for visiting, Christina!

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  7. Smart lady! Also, we all know that torturing our characters is half the fun! >:)

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    1. Haha! Yep. It is half the fun. Sadists we are. Thanks, Amy!

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  8. Desperate people are not to be trusted indeed! Nice snippet!

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  9. And the question is...who's on the menu?

    I've been dipping in to these scenes over the weeks. They're intriguing but the brief snippets make it hard to get a feel for pace. I'd love to be able to read the whole thing through without interruption.

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    1. :-) Working on a serious rewrite, Ian. I just watched a lecture by Steven Pinker (linked on the right sidebar) and I have to say, it was damned freeing. I haven't been this upbeat about writing in several years. :-)

      When I am looking for beta readers, I sure hope you're still interested. :-)

      Thanks for visiting!

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  10. Good call on the POV. Though we have an idea on what's going on with Kuylrh, it's interesting seeing it through her eyes.

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  11. I agree that her situation has taken an interesting turn. Not feeling quite so willing to be selfless now, but that would be totally understandable. Great emotions in this scene, although yeah, it is hard to get a feel for the pace. But that's the limitation of a blog hop!

    I'm wondering about one thing. To me, the situation doesn't "hearken to" speechless communication - that's what it IS, because she and the group don't know each other's languages. That's a minor complaint though. :-)

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    1. Thank you, once again, for your keen eyes, and your good sense, Marcia. ;-)

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  12. Wow, that leaves a lot for us to wonder about. Very intense.

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  13. Interesting turn of event, especially the reaction of those other survivors bowing their heads. Wonder what "A’Niaz” means? Great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. Ah, what it means? I will say that it's a word Rissa completely misunderstands--as she learns his language. And it's a misunderstanding that is beneficial to him. :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  14. Such an ominous situation. I was also intrigued that the other prioners seemed to recognize Kulryh. Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks for catching that, Veronica. It's a subtle mention to something that actually really big in the story. :-)

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  15. I always love your world building. Hm, A'Niaz along with reverent expressions...what is it?? I enjoyed how this one small snippet carried me on a journey, first hopeful and happy because Kuylrh was coming around, then on into the reverence of the survivors, back to the hunger and seriousness, and following up with a sense of danger at the very end. Spellbinding!

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    1. Thank you, Rose! You've made my day with your comment! :-)

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  16. Scary situation, but something tells me she'll try to help them if she can.Maybe they think she's a goddess. Or a sacrifice!

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    1. Very intuitive, Elaine. Thanks for visiting!

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  17. It sounds as if they need to be organized.

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    1. They do. So far it's been too chaotic for them to get it together. Thanks for visiting, Aurora! :-)

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  18. Desperate people indeed are dangerous. Some will do anything to survive, no matter who they hurt. She better keep her wits about her!

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  19. Great insight to the situation she's facing. Could their chant be more of a chant of worship? Just a thought. Gotta know now. lol

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  20. She seems to be the odd one out- which makes her situation even more precarious. Great conflicting emotions in this snippet.

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  21. Nicely done. I especially like that final line. Ominous for sure.

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  22. Great snippet! The more I read, the more intrigued I am to read more. No doubt desperate people are dangerous and I have the feeling we will find out just how dangerous...

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    1. Oh, the limitation of 10 sentences... Yep, there is danger to spare. But the worst hasn't arrived yet. Thanks, Stephanie!

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  23. It really twisted my gut to read how the people need each other followed so closely by desperate people are not to be trusted. You evoke our sympathy and then remind us swiftly not to let down our guard. Well done snippet.

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  24. I was a little hungry before I read this. Now I'm starving. Good job.

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  25. Dreamers, Lovers and Star Voyagers has been included in our A Sunday Drive for this week. Be assured that we hope this helps to point even more new visitors in your direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2015/12/a-sunday-drive.html

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