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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors January 10, 2016

Hello all.  Welcome back to another week of sharing your writing with other writers. 
          Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


  I'm excerpting from  my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai Klavven. Last week I shared the opening lines. The last line was:  

"
She was it--the last defense before the bunker sheltering a dozen children and the two old women caring for them was attacked."





     She lay motionless, watching them advance through  piles of collapsed  yesterday, crumbled yesteryear. Seemingly fearless and walking tall, they suddenly halted, then raised their arms in what looked like a salute to an approaching alien. It was clad in armor so blue it looked black.

     Her heart pounded and her mind raced. Could she be that lucky--had they just given away rank?  A startling and sickening discovery followed; seven-foot-something of blue-black evil spoke in stilted Earth English. How long had they been watching us before the invasion?

     Another slicing sound, and the alien weapon tore through the air above her.

     Blue-black shouted, “Stop weapons. We need live ones.”



That's it. Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share.

Have a great week.

46 comments:

  1. Wow Teresa! This is so rich with emotion. Loving it! Looking forward to more!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kim! :-) More coming.

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  2. Cool. That last line is more chilling than if they'd attacked.

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    1. I thought so, Ed. I'm glad it worked! Thanks!

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  3. I love this line (simile?) "watching them advance through piles of collapsed yesterday, crumbled yesteryear", it's very powerful.

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    1. Thanks, Chelle. I wasn't sure. I was straddling the line between action, and purple prose. ;-)

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  4. While live ones is better than dead ones, it still doesn't sound very promising. :-) This is very interesting!

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    1. Thanks, Christina! Bad times ahead... :-)

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  5. Very intriguing. And that last line is very chilling.

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  6. Oohh that actually gave me chills. Love this snippet! I suspect they have quite an uphill battle. Can't wait to read more.

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    1. It's about to go seriously downhill for her...but that makes for a great story :-) Thanks, Stephanie!

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  7. Wow, what a scene. Great tension and foreboding.

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  8. Now that last line had an ominous ring. If they need "live ones" I doubt it's for humanitarian reasons. Excellent snippet! You've made me care very much what happens to her.

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  9. This does not bode well for her. "Need live ones indeed." A chilling thought.

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  10. Epic scene, Teresa, full of despair and atmosphere. I love when you go dark, it always leaves an impression! =D

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  11. Awesome world building, as always! And oh, no, will they take her? Or the others, and she'll have to try and stop Blue Black and the rest??

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    1. :-) Blue Black is as bad as they come. And right now, it's down to just her. Doesn't bode well. Thanks, Rose!

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  12. Nooo! Needing live ones does not seem at all like a good sign.

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    1. Oy! Bad sign, indeed, lol. Thanks, Caitlin!

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  13. Scary stuff. You have me on the edge of my seat.

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  14. Teresa, this is absolutely super. That first sentence is great, and the rest of it is so dang tense. Fantastic job.

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  15. Oh gosh! That last line made my heart stop. I want more! Such an intriguing snippet! :-)

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  16. OK, wow, I'm enjoying this, tense as it may be! I have a feeling no one really wants to be captured alive by these aliens. Excellent excerpt, need more right away LOL.

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    1. lol! Thanks, Veronica. It seems that I'm starting the story out right. Now to continue that for 80K words. :-)

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  17. Oooh, very very interesting. I wonder why they need live prisoners. Very intriguing. I'm seconding Veronica on this one. I'm fairly certain that, whatever they need to be alive for, they are going to wish they wouldn't be.

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    1. Yep...some things are worse than death! Thanks, Amalie :-)

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  18. Love that opening line - through piles of collapsed yesterday, crumbled yesteryear. Brilliant.

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  19. Here's my thought process: "Yay! She included the last sentence from last week's cliffhanger! Hope this means there won't be another one... *reads snippet* ... never mind!" Fantastic writing though– and I think I love this cliffhanger more! I'll definitely be back next week!

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    1. Woohoo! Thanks for all your encouraging words, Amy :-)

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  20. "We need live ones." That doesn't bode well. Intriguing tale so far. I want to know more.

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    1. I'm so glad to read that you're intrigued! :-) Thanks, Karen :-)

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  21. The first line...the last line....and the ones between...yikes!

    I hope she gets a crack at Blue Black before he realizes that she's a 'live one'!

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    1. It's not good, Shan. Not good. But it's making for a good story. :-) Thanks!

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  22. I agree—the first line is a crap-ton of AWESOME! And I love the how she calls him Blue Black. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  23. Forget the fact that they speak English: What do they 'need live ones' for? That's what she should be asking herself. Can't wait for the next snippet!

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  24. Bad times ahead for some people from Earth. :-) Thanks, Elyzabeth!

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