Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors January 24, 2016

Hello all.  Welcome back to another week of sharing your writing with other writers.  If you were/are in the path of  Jonas (the winter storm) I hope you're warm and safe. Please be careful cleaning up the mess it left behind.
          Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE





I'm excerpting from  my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai Klavven. Last week, after an explosion and a wall collapsed on her comrades, the MC is the last survivor in her group. She lobs a grenade at the advancing enemy (aliens), then runs. The last line was:  She stumbled, but found her balance and kept running. " 
 
We pick up from there:

     Moving at a good clip, she jumped over and around shattered remains, vestiges of buildings, trees, humans. Even with her focus on evade and escape, the carnage registered in freeze-frames—what the end of the world must look like. 

     A glance over her shoulder was motivation to give it her all. They’d taken the bait and were running after her. They should have sounded like a stampeding herd of wildebeests, but their pursuit was nearly silent.  Her quick estimate was that at least a dozen of the ruthless killers were on her heels and they were gaining.   

     As she ran, her words came out in nearly soundless prayer. "Please dear God, let the rest of the aliens be dead, not behind me searching through the rubble for survivors, or for hidden bunkers full of kids."

    

That's it. Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share.

52 comments:

  1. I like her already. You've combined danger and altruism to make her an admirable character.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My first reply disappeared into the ether. My apologies if it magically reappears.

    I love the action and chaos. Especially as you contrast it with the near silent movements of the enemy. Very, Nice Teresa. This scene has drawn me in from the start.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so excited to read that, Kim! Thank you. :-)

      Delete
  3. Great snippet! Can't wait to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lots of intriguing action and I like how she is thinking of others even when she is running for her life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think most people would do that--especially when it's the welfare of children. Maybe not... I dunno... Thanks, Chelle!

      Delete
  5. Interesting snippet ...i hope they won't find the kids

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was hoping to read a continuation from last week and I am definitely not disappointed! And I am still at the edge of my seat wanting more. Agree with the others. Great snippet! (Is it next Sunday yet?) Looking forward to your summer release. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I look forward to your snippets each week! This one is so very intense. Well done! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Jess. I value your opinion!

      Delete
  8. Very eerie. I think it's the silent pursuit that makes it eerie. I like this story a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow! Super intense, Theresa, this made my chest go right! Nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  10. This evokes so many different emotions, and she's a protagonist who's easy to root for. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you feel that way about her character, Joyce! Thank you. :-)

      Delete
  11. I love how you work in her perception of her surroundings without slowing down the action one bit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm still learning, Christina! Glad it's working. :-) Thank you.

      Delete
  12. I agree with Christina. This is certainly not a boring scene! (am having trouble commenting through Blogger, hope this goes through)
    ~Marcia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Marcia! Sorry you're having blogger issues. I wish Blogger and WP would stop their quest to exclude each other! :-)

      Delete
  13. So much said in just a few sentences! This is a fantastic snippet and I love that the tension is still very strong. Great work!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love the way she notes the surroundings in freeze frames. Those images are going to stay with her forever.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The fact that her pursuers are silent adds a delicious level of creepiness to this scene. You weave thought and action seamlessly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow, you can't imagine what that mean having you leave that comment...to me. You are a master of weaving writing seamlessly, Alexis. :-) Thank you.

      Delete
  16. A very tense scene, loved the way the enemy are so silent and also the way she's perceiving events as if in freeze frames. Question: by "missing warriors" are you referring to aliens that were there before and now aren't? I was a tiny bit confused. But I want more of this story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Veronica--fantastic catch. I've corrected it. Thank you so much! :-)

      Delete
  17. Great description! She sounds desperately brave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "desperately brave" Wonderful description, Aurora. Thank you!

      Delete
  18. I think you can tighten the writing here a lot, Teresa. I've given suggestions so you can see what I mean:

    "She jumped over shattered remains of buildings, trees, humans. Even with her focus on evade and escape, the carnage registered in freeze-frames—a real life end of the world.

    A glance over her shoulder gave her the motivation to give it her all. They’d taken the bait and charged after her. They should have sounded like a stampeding herd of wildebeests, but their pursuit was nearly silent. At least a dozen of the ruthless killers hounded her heels and gained.

    "Please dear God, let the rest of them be dead, not searching through the rubble for survivors, or the hidden bunkers full of kids." Her words came out in nearly soundless prayer.

    Definitely an intriguing place to come in. Good snippet. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your feedback, Siobhan. Taking it into consideration. :-)

      Delete
  19. I like the snippet - and I'm on her side in that prayer of hers.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Tense! I like the freeze frame line. You get a nice sense of desolation and at the same time hope.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great suspense! I'd have to skip to the end of the chapter to see what happened! (Yes, I'm THAT person.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! "THAT person..." Too funny, Lisa. Thank you!

      Delete
  22. The silence is so much more disturbing than noise--and a bad sign about their skills. She better run fast and smart!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lord, where is she going and what does she have planned? Her prayer is disturbing also. Are there other survivors behind her? Will her plan save them? Can't wait for the next snippet!

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is the most terrifying scene. The last paragraph gave me the chills.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Not bunkers of children? Oh curious, curious. I love the descriptions in the first paragraph, and more. Silent and deadly, always a nerve-racking and chilling combination. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Danielle! Yep, a bunker of children. :-)

      Delete
  26. Good stuff. You really capture the feel of fast motion, both visually and physically.

    ReplyDelete