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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors January 17th, 2016

Hello all.  Welcome back to another week of sharing your writing with other writers. 
          Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


  I'm excerpting from  my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai Klavven. Last week, after an explosion and a wall collapsed on her comrades, the MC is hiding behind rubble while the enemy advances. She realized she was the last defender left alive.  They'd been protecting a bunker full of children. The last line was spoken by the enemy (alien):   "We need live ones.”."
 

     She had to bite her tongue to keep from shouting that it was too late for that, assholes. They were dead, all but her and the group of innocent, terrified children.  Crunching footsteps closed in; she had no choice.

     Her hands, bloody and broken, fumbled with a  clip on her belt, finally striking pay dirt. She pulled out the object and raised it to her mouth. Spitting the pin from her teeth, she stood and screamed at the stunned creatures, “You want a live one? If you live through it, come and get me, you murdering bastards!”

     Locking eyes with indigo hatred, she lobbed the grenade at him then fled-- leading them away from the bunker.  The explosion  nearly knocked her off her feet. She stumbled, but found her balance and kept running.



That's it. Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share.

Have a great week.

52 comments:

  1. I especially like the line about 'Indigo hatred'.

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    1. Thanks, Ed! I wasn't sure about that line. I was afraid it was borderline purple prose. But it seems to have resonated with readers. Thanks for visiting!

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  2. I don't like to think of it, but depending on what they want, children will do just fine. o_O
    Hopefully it doesn't come to that!

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    1. Haha! The darkest of tales... I could never sacrifice children for the sake of a good story. I was pretty mad at Stephen King for a long time over Pet Cemetery. :-) Thanks!

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  3. Looking back over the last couple of posts, this story is off to a cracking start! I like your MC's attitude :)

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    1. :-) <--- Big smile, Ian! I'm glad you like it! Thank you for visiting. :-)

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  4. Excellent scene, Teresa. You can feel her anger and hatred!

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    1. I am so glad you're getting that, Kim! Thank you. :-)

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  5. Wow, this woman has some serious guts! Hope she makes it out alive.

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    1. I hope the reader gets that we never know what we're capable of until we're put to the test. Thanks, Christina!

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  6. I want to read this one! I really like this scene. Excellent tension and conflict. I do have a recommendation: instead of telling that she is thinking 'it's too late for that.' put it in her thoughts. It will deepen the POV.

    "We need live ones."

    It's too late for that. Everyone was dead, all but her and the group of terrified children.

    Crunching footsteps closed in...

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    1. Thank you for the great suggestion, Cara. :-) !

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  7. Her anger/hatred is beautifully revealled here.
    Tweeted.

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    1. Thanks, Victoria. And thanks for the tweet! :-)

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  8. "Locking eyes with indigo hatred" is an awesome line! Hope she took out all of them!

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    1. I'm so glad it works for you, Dani. I wasn't sure about that one. :-) Thank you. :-)

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  9. Way to go - that one tough warrior :-)

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    1. She is. Tough as nails, but emotionally as fragile as glass. Thanks, Daryl!

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  10. Wow, so intense! A great continuation from last week! :)

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  11. Another stellar action scene. Great job of twining description, emotion and events.

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    1. Thanks so much, Alexis! You opinion means a lot. :-)

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  12. Tough chicks who save themselves? Yes, please :D

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    1. She is. There might be an alien come along who has to step in, but she's savvy enough to calculate risk vs. capitulation.

      Thanks, Lisa!

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  13. Very intense! You have me on the edge of my seat with such a short snippet. Can't wait to read the book! I admire her bravery and I hope she destroyed them all.

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    1. I am so excited that you can't wait to read the book! I'm just at 30K right now. I hope to have it out by summer. Fingers crossed. Thanks so much, Stephanie!

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  14. Good for her! I hope she can get herself and the children safely away. Loved the excerpt, need more please. Like um today LOL?

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    1. She's really up against it now. All she can do is lead the aliens away from the bunker and hope they remain undiscovered until help comes. Thanks, Veronica!

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  15. Terrific action sequence, Teresa, keep 'em coming!

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    1. I went dark again, huh? lol. Thanks, Steven!

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  16. “You want a live one? If you live through it, come and get me, you murdering bastards!”
    Wow, terrific line. Great snippet.

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    1. :-) I am so glad you like it. Using foul words is a shaky line to cross too often, but it seemed necessary. Thanks, Chelle!

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  17. Love it. So lady like. Superb scene well done.
    As for me, I've been suffering from Vertigo for a week. This aged woman is striving to survive.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine! She used to be a lady, before the aliens came and took everything she loved away frm her.

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  18. Wow, talk about action! This is so well done, Teresa! Awesome description and dialogue too! :)

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    1. Thanks, Evelyn. Your kind words mean so much!

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  19. Great imagery. I could picture the scene perfectly.

    (Been adding our post links to Pinterest. https://www.pinterest.com/karenmnutt/snippet-sunday-posts/

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    1. Thanks, Karen! And thanks for the Pinterest linkup. Great idea!

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  20. That. Was. AWESOME. I love your character. If I didn't before, her internal thoughts and her outburst sealed the deal. AWESOME!!!

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  21. Wow, how powerful, and the pacing of this snippet was Just.Perfect. Love it!!

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    1. Thanks, Rose! I'm starting to think I'm on the right track. :-)

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  22. Very nice snippet! Loved the fast-paced action.

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  23. Love her spunk! I hope she and the children get away, but I'm afraid for all of them. Love the "indigo hatred" line too. Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Thanks, Joyce! Sometimes I worry about crossing that purple prose line. :-)

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  24. Those are some intense visuals! I also was intrigued by the line "indigo hatred." It's an interesting change of pace from the familiar variations of seeing red.

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    1. I'd never given a thought of the color relation to "seeing red". Interesting! Thanks, Carrie-Anne. :-)

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  25. Fascinating and frightening. You know how to do it right, Teresa. Thanks for your personal aid at this time. Please give me the key to Wewriwa so I May continue with my pals.

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    1. Thank you so much, my friend. I hope the new doc gets things straightened out ASAP! Hugs...

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