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Sunday, March 13, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors March 13, 2016

Hello all. :-)


Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE




Setup:  Earth has been invaded by aliens. Our MC, Lily is on foot and being pursued by them after lobbing a grenade at them then running--leading them away from a bunker where a dozen children and two old women are hiding. She's been joined by her dog, Jobe (nickname Jobo),they reached what's left of her house,  and worked their way into a hiding space. They've been discovered and dragged out of hiding. The alien commander has her by her hair. The last line last week was: 
"All that was left was for him to gut her like a rabbit and toss her aside. "
We pick up from there:




Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jobe, held by his neck, his legs kicking –desperately seeking solid footing.
Lily’s reached up and grasped the arms holding her by her hair, taking some of her weight.  It was almost impossible to make a sound, but shear rage drove her to rasp out, “Put him down, you sick son of a bitch.”
His eyes narrowed and the corners of his over-sized mouth turned up, making him look like a clown, an evil one. His laughter was punctuated by more teeth-clicking.
She inhaled hard through her nose, cleared her throat, then spat her mouthful of saliva and snot in his face. He dropped her. 
Landing on her feet, she reached out and grabbed Jobe. The gut-punch she got for her effort nearly doubled her over, but Jobe was free from the alien. She held his collar while she drooled bloody spit and tried to breath.


    

That's it. It's looks really bad for Lily, and for poor Jobe. 

Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share. Have a great week!

68 comments:

  1. Yeah, it does look bad, but I Iike her moxie! Was there something about her bloody saliva that made the alien drop her? I'm intrigued by that detail, and I love how visceral this is.

    (There's one typo: Lily’s reached up -- no 's needed.)

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    1. Thanks, Monica! My MCs are getting more and more like yours--able to take on the world and then some. ;-)

      I considered having the aliens react to the copper in human blood, but the more I thought about it--I didn't want to risk missing something, like having them contact something else that contains copper.

      It would be an interesting detail, but not something I want to stress or obsess over. And I have been known to do that. lol

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  2. Lily has spunk, and I bet Jobe does too!
    Very visual scene, Teresa, looking forward to more!

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    1. She does have spunk, and Jobe is as loyal as they come. :-) Thanks, Kim!

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  3. She'll fight to the death for her dog. I'm wondering why the alien let her go just because she spit in his face. She bit the inside of her mouth first. Does the blood have something to do with it?

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    1. Thanks, Cara! She will...I mean, she would.

      I reconsidered the blood and changed the story. Although interesting idea, these aren't the aliens she ends up with. These guys are bad juju--slavers. Anyway, I didn't want to spend a lot of time developing a detail that would affect so little of the story. :-)

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  4. Bloody spit! Awesome way to make someone think twice about holding you against your will! So glad Jobo got down.

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    1. :-) That's what I thought at first, that it would be viewed as a serious insult to the alien. But comments made me realize that a reader might think more of it. Thanks, Sara! :-)

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  5. The description of an "oversized clown" makes the aliens even more scary. Yikes! Go Lily! I'm glad she managed to free Jobe. I hope he can help her get free now. Intriguing, as always! Looking forward to reading this story in its entirety. :)

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    1. lol--yes, the oversized clown. I am completely creeped-out by clowns. And it seems that's not an anomaly where clowns are concerned.

      I am working on it. Going slow right now--in the middle of the story. I am thrilled that you want to read it. :-) Thanks!

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  6. What a visceral fight scene! Raw and ruthless, Teresa, nice job putting us right in the thick of it!

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    1. Ha! Raw and ruthless! I've had some great examples of that in the last couple of years!

      Thanks, Steven!

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  7. *Shrieks! Evil clowns!* Oh, I want a piece of him myself after he hurt Jobe like that. Great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. Haha! I LOVE your reaction. lol. Yeah, I haven't written this alien's Karma moment, but it will be truly ugly. :-) Thanks, Paula!

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  8. Nasty! But, what are the aliens really fter?

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    1. Thanks, Aurora. The story shares that in the next chapter. But I'll share now. :-) They are inter-galactic slavers.

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  9. Go get 'em, Teresa. Terrific snippet, just right with all the fire needed.

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  10. What a scrapper! Nice, tension scene, Teresa.

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  11. Oh, you're killing me! How will they get away? Great snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Thanks, Joyce!

      I think they'll need help.

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  12. Great tension. How will they get away from this evil alien? Look forward to finding out more.

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  13. Great tension filled scene. Glad she has Jobe, but what will be her next move? I don't believe she's safe yet. Does the bloody saliva affect the alien? So many questions. :)

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    1. I am so glad the story is creating questions, Karen. :-) Thank you!

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  14. She might have saved the dog, but at what cost to her? Such an exciting series of snippets!

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    1. They are in it together, come what may. :-) Thanks, Christina!

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  15. eeeww!! I hope this goobery distraction pays off...but I don't think she's out of danger yet. The suspense these past weeks has been amazing! Great work.

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  16. It does look bad, but they were about to be dinner anyway. Nice exciting snippet.

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    1. :-) Bad times ahead. :-) Thanks, Elaine!

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  17. Interesting twist to the scene, as far as what happened versus what I was expecting. Well done excerpt!

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    1. Your comment made me smile. Trying not to cookie-cutter stamp this story. ;-) Thanks, Veronica!

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  18. I hope Jobo bites someone, and I hope Lily gets right back up and shows them a few Human Tricks!

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    1. I'd love to have him do that, but these aliens are so mean, it would be signing his death warrant if he did. :-) Thanks, Sheila!

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  19. Ok - I can breathe Jobo's okay and Lily's mad - things are going to work out.
    Tweeted.

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    1. Well, neither of them are dead yet. This is just the first chapter. ;-) Thanks for the read--and thanks for the tweet! :-)

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  20. I'm so glad she saved him. I was so worried. I hope she kicks some alien butts (if they have butts.)

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    1. Eventually...but she has a gauntlet to run ahead of her. Thanks, Bonnie!

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  21. Some great action here...love the descriptions of what's happening. Definitely something I could visualize.

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  22. That was... maybe not a good decision. I can see why she made it for her dog.

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    1. Yep. Most of us would go a long way to protect our four-legged friends. Thanks, Caitlin!

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  23. *tries in vain to turn the page* You can't stop there!

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    1. Thanks! You can't believe how good your comment made me feel. :-)

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  24. Good for her! Wonder if her spit will have some weird effect? How are they going to get out of my this! Good one Teresa.

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    1. Thanks, Cindy. I did toy with the idea of having human spit burn them. Then I thought about following through on the science of it--would it be the pH? Or would be a component of human blood such as copper?

      Nah. Went back and rewrote that part of the story. :-)

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  25. Well, I wasn't scared of clowns before this snippet... so glad she saved the poor pup. Now I hope they both make it out of there alive.

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  26. Oh goodness, poor Lily! Thank goodness she made the alien let go of her dog but it doesn't sound like they stand much hope of getting away. Eeks! Love the description as always and can't wait to read more. :-)

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  27. Oh, yeah, this is looking really bad. Great snippet!

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  28. I love how you were able to use a lot of senses in this scene. And good for her, still fighting despite the odds!

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  29. I love how the blood, spit, and snot emphasize her animal side while trying to save her animal pet -- as though the invaders threaten to reduce her to a creature, rather than a human. The writing in this tale is really excellent, Teresa!

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    1. Thanks, Ed! I was hoping for that!

      Right now I'm grappling with the challenge of starting 'in medias res', and then having the story slow--which it must, but still hold the readers' attention. :-)

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  30. Ouch... Sounds like that was some punch! I wonder if these aliens have heightened strength. I love how she thinks about her dog before herself, true animal lover there, and speaks of her heart, too. Great raw descriptions as well! You didn't sugarcoat the action.

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    1. Thanks, Danielle. I just hope readers can relate to her. :-)

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  31. She is so brave. And the alien seems a bit weak or is human saliva poisonous to them?

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    1. Thanks, Linda! I'm not sure about the saliva. I actually researched copper in human blood, but opted to rewrite that part of the snippet to take out the part where she bits the inside of her cheek.

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  32. The details are amazing. Feels like I'm right there.

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    1. Woohoo! Glad to read that. Thanks, Cecilia!

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  33. very visual ... and great tension. well done.

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  34. I really like that despite all the fear and obstacles, she never gives up. Great snippet, Teresa. :)

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  35. She doesn't, Siobhan. She's tough and savvy, but she will have weak moments. She's about to be tried by fire... Thanks!

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