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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Weekend Writing Warriors October 1, 2017



   
            First Page Review info first.  The wewriwa linky list is once again hosting the "First Page Review" blog hop. It runs from the 1st of October through the 31st. If you missed the deadline to sign the linky list (last night at midnight), we can still add you. We'll need your information to sign you up.  

          The idea is simple--you post your first page or so--up to a thousand words. It's good promo if you've got something published that you'd like to get readers' eyes on. Or, if you share something unpublished, you get some feedback, and find out if readers would turn the page and continue reading.  Sign up here The First Page Review .
On to this week's wewriwa.
            It's time for
snips and bits of amazing tales by talented writers! Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live by before 9:00 AM Sunday, EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

             Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
            This week's snippet is from "The Sands of Dhor".
I've skipped ahead a couple of paras. Lily, abducted from Earth by alien slavers, is following Theusand. He's not a slaver.  He's Dhor'en; they communicate mind to mind. 
            They've left the section of the ship where he and his Chays (monks) are quartered. It's the first time she's left that deck since Lord Sand rescued her from the slave fight ring in the belly of the ship.  Their conversation has become more of a debate and he always wins--by willing her into silence. in Lily's POV, the last sentence last week was spoken by him. "God is a concept best left for another walk, another talk.”


She mumbled through gritted teeth, “I can hardly wait to not have that conversation.”
He started walking again. When she turned and trailed behind  him, she wondered if he had summoned her like she was his dog, or if she’d automatically done it—for lack of anywhere else to go.
They passed through an area that was in stark contrast to the Sand’s quarters and the slaves’ holding cells. Instead of confined spaces, open rooms stood at opposite corners where long hallways intersected. A man who’d been at a table looking at an illuminated screen stood and hurried toward them. He bowed his head, and his eyes remained downcast when he said, “You honor us with your presence, Lord Sand. Thank you for coming so soon.”

What works and what doesn't? I'm grateful for every bit of feedback you share.

17 comments:

  1. Oh, now I'm curious as to the reason they've summoned him. Intriguing! :)

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  2. I love her teensy bit of snark.

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  3. She mumbled through gritted teeth, “I can hardly wait to not have that conversation.”-sarcastic much? love this line..shows a lot of characterization.

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  4. Lord Theusand's crew has a lot more respect for him than Lily does. Or maybe it's fear.

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  5. As others have said, I also love that first line :)

    Interesting that someone who can see into people's minds seems to think he can win an argument by silencing opposition.

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  6. Always love her inner and/or muttered dialog! Passive resistance at its finest.

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  7. If he's good at what he does, and all his people believe him to be superior, Lord Sand could be arrogant and still respected. She's a whole different kettle of fish, though.
    Now I'm really curious as to what would happen if she'd refused to follow him!

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  8. So many interesting twists and turns to this story! Another interesting excerpt, showing us a bit more...

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  9. A change of scenery and new character, but Lord Sand dominates every scene.

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  10. Lover her thoughts. Always a bit snarky. lol

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  11. I love a feisty character. In her place, I'd probably resort to sarcasm, too.

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  12. Love this line, " she wondered if he had summoned her like she was his dog, or if she’d automatically done it" — it shows how vulnerable she is and questions how far he would take his power. It's the not knowing that adds so much mystery.

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  13. I really like the dynamics between the characters and I think you create a good atmosphere and setting :3

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  14. Who's this dude? An earthling or an alien? Friend or enemy? There's lots to think about here.

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  15. That's really creepy that she doesn't know if she's being mind-controlled or not. Nice tension.

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