Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday May 20th, 2012

Returning to my current editing project, Aaydan's Tale.  This week's snippet takes place just over half way though the book.  The old outland mother, a mysterious entity, has been warned that "they" will come for her.  But she refuses to run and hide--believing it to be her place, her duty to go with them and try to end the racial purge, and to save the life of the cruel ruler.  Another hint at foreshadowing--there is a reason she feels it is her duty...


Any and all critiques accepted with gratitude. :-)


"Forming apparitions before her that spoke in hot breaths of warning, the flames just as quickly receded.  The old outland mother looked up at the stars--and at a moon that had taken on the faintest of pink hues.  She lamented to the universe, “Forgive him. He doesn't know.   The vile cruelty they work to remove was born of love, but lives in hatred born of ignorance.  What comes in its stead will be ten times ten darker.”

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22 comments:

  1. It's hard to believe this comes in the middle. It would make a great beginning. Excellent use of imagery and I love the way your dialogue flows. Great 6 this week!

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    1. Pretty much right in the middle :-) Thank you, Jess :-)

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  2. That would be scary 'ten times darker' . . . good writing!

    Jan's place...

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    1. Hi Jan. Yep...ten times darker...bad times ahead. :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

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  3. Knowing this comes in the middle makes me really curious about what came before it! Evocative word choices. Great excerpt, Teresa.

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    1. Thank you, Owllady. I just read a blog about tension...and now I have something new to worry about. Have I kept the reader too much out of the loop in order to build tension. *sigh* Writers can never know enough. :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

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  4. Love your turn of phrase - hot breaths of warning, a moon that had taken on the faintest of pink hues. And intriguing - born in love, but lives in hatred. Great six.

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    1. Thanks, Lorraine. He has spent a lot of years being evil. Fun to write. Make him vile and worthy of hate...then try to bring him salvation through the readers' eyes. ;-) I love writing :-) Thanks for visiting! See you next week. :-)

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    1. Hi Angela :-) No...bad times ahead :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

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  6. Ooh! This sounds awesome, in a totally forbidding way.

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    1. Thanks, Kate! She is an awesome soul...and does harbor truths that must be told. :-) Thanks for visiting and giving it a read. :-)

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    1. Thank you for visiting, Charmaine...and for your kind words :-)

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  8. I'm curious to know what the apparitions warned her about! This sounds like dark fantasy, am I right?

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    1. Hi Carrie,

      The genre? :-) One of those mixed ones that defies being placed neatly in a box. Fantasy, for sure--with dark places. But...there is a vein of scifi/space opera to it, also. And a touch of romance--such as it is ;-) Thanks for giving it a read :-)

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  9. Cool six sentences.there is a lot about the voice and the world just in that short piece. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. And thank you for taking the time to read it and comment! :-)

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  10. Sounds really good with some amazing imagery! My only piece of advice would be to take out "just as quickly" in the first sentence. I think the sentence will be stronger with just "receded".

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  11. Thanks, Johanna. :-) Any time I use an "ly" word...I usually pull it back out. :-) lol... *mumbles* not sure why I keep putting them in.

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