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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday



Back to Aaydan's Tale . for this week's six:

Aaydan has broken his word to the Juman friends who have risked their lives to hide him from the Dominion.   He has been daily venturing down off the mountain to watch a young village woman, Iva.     His heart has been taken, but he knows that when she sees his face, and realizes his kind, she will be frightened of him.  So he has kept his distance, concealed by underbrush, forest, boulders etc.  But tonight, he got close enough to her that she could "scent" him nearby--the villagers have an acute sense of smell..  She smelled adrenaline, which she equates with fear.

There is a bit of foreshadowing here...there is a tragedy coming.


"Walking at a hurried pace, she made her way to the edge of town…acutely aware that the scent never seemed to fall away from her.  As she stepped through the vine-covered entrance gate marking the end of field and forest and the formal start of town, the smell began to fade.

The wind blew in gentle gusts through leaves that were gray in Juman years.  The words of the wind searched for a sooth born of Jumans…someone who could speak in the tongues of the ancients.  But the sooth could not be found.  Yet the wind spoke over and over again in vain, “Safety is not made by village gates and walls…”

To read more six sentence snippets written by talented writers, click here

34 comments:

  1. Definitely an ominous feel here!

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  2. Thanks, Botanist. Reassuring to hear my intentions were met :-)

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  3. Very good. Makes me want to know more.

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  4. Very ominous and atmospheric six. I want to read more. :)

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  5. Was she trying to escape the scent on purpose by entering the gate? Or, was she hoping he scent would follow her? Very interesting!!

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    1. Hmmm...perhaps a little of both ;-) Thanks, Wildcat's wife :-)

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  6. That last line spells doom. Chilling six!

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    1. Thanks, Kate. Yes...doom. Bad things will happen. :-)

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  7. Very atmospheric, and chilling too.

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    1. Thanks, Paula. Glad you caught the chill in it. :-)

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  8. Beautiful, haunting description!

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  9. Oh, intereting Teresa! Yeah there's a certain creepiness that comes through, but that's good for making readers want to find out more! I'll be back :)

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    1. Thank you, Owllady! I hope you get to post next week without any troubles. :-)

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  10. I enjoyed your use of description and the way you used it to create a sense of pending troubles. The only think I didn't understand was this lie-The wind blew in gentle gusts through leaves that were gray in Juman years- I love the way you described the wind, I can feel it and smell the dust it carries. What I don't get is what are Juman years?

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    1. Hi Jess :-) This is one of th eproblems with sss snippets. I guess that pasting the working book blurb into each week's posts would help with that. Ayadan--the MC, is part Albainn--a half breed living in a Dominion that is being taken over by "Jumans". The Jumans (think future humans) are executing any and all Albainns that they find. There is zero tolerance for them. The "gray in Juman years" is a play on words--like we say, "in dog years". Thanks for reading. Oh, love your Friday blogpost idea :-) !

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  11. Love the vivid descriptions. Very nice!
    Amy Durham

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    1. Thanks, Amy--for visiting and taking the time to read them :-)

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  12. Beautifully written Teresa, I like the way you describe certain things in your writings.

    Jan's place...

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  13. I enjoyed this snippet, well written and the lines about the wind seeking the speakers of the ancient tongue was a brilliant touch.

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  14. Great writing! There is a lot of feeling in those six lines.

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  15. This excerpt gives me so much to think about and wonder about. Nice work.

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  16. This excerpt opens up lots of questions about the rest of the story and the world. Very intriguing!

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    1. Thanks for visiting, Nick, and giving this a read :-)

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  17. That does not bode well, but it makes me want to read on. :-)

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    1. That is good to hear, Misha! :-) Thank you :-)

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