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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: May 4, 2014

 Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in. Happy May!

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


Set up. I've continued where I left off last week. Tayden told the Port operator (against Drave's will) that he can sit at their table. Drave either cautiously or rudely ignored the Port man's handshake gesture.   The Port operator ordered his dinner, and asked the server if it's the local river fish. Tweaked punctuation to fit into the 8 sentence limit.




     She smirked, and her voice was full of feigned indignity when she said, “You jestin’ fool. As if we’d be servin’ any of that Dom-Cen garbage.”
      The Port man winked at her, and then mumbling to no one in particular groused, “We don’t need it, none of it. They can keep their Dom-Cen noses out of our business. We’ve always taken care of ourselves, and you can bet all your tomorrows that their supplies and help come with strings attached.  It'd take a halfwit to be hornshwoggled by Central's handouts." As his eyes shifted from face to face to shadow, he seemed careful not to let them rest on Drave for too long--and that was good. Whether the motivation was respect or fear was of no consequence; either one would keep his bones intact.


If I was seated with them, I wouldn't be able to eat. Too much stress. I'd have heartburn. :-) That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad? I'd love to hear it.

Thank you so much for reading this. Have a good week!

48 comments:

  1. Definitely feel the dislike for "Central's handouts". Good dialogue.

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    1. Yes, indeed. Glad that came through crystal clear. thanks, Gem! ;-)

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  2. I don't think I would have been able to sit with them in the first place. Great 8, Teresa.

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    1. :-) They get better :-) Thanks, Elyzabeth!

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  3. I think your strength is characterization: your people come right off the page--er, screen. They're strongly 3-D. It's wonderful how you do that.

    One tweaky suggestion: You might say the Port man "groused to no one in particular" to drop one unnecessary verb. Or keep "mumbled" and drop "groused".

    I'd be too stressed at that table to eat, also!

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  4. Great exchange in a colourful scene, I am enjoying these snippets!

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  5. Love the dialogue here. The tone comes through nice and clear. Great snippet.

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  6. Hmmm, another compilation, and an ominous one. I love how you're slowly (well, slow in snippet form, anyway) spinning out this world and its dangers. The character interactions are great.

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    1. Thanks, Alexis! :-) Pacing of information is challenging to me. I get anxious and want to dump it all right away so the reader knows. lol. Oy! The challenges of writing...

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  7. Almost feels like the question about the fish was to set folks minds at ease about his feelings for Central...Loved this!

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    1. Bingo!! Yes. That was the intent. I hope it's much clearer when read in its entirety. Thanks, Millie! :-)

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  8. Sounds like he's worried about more than Drave. Good snippet, Teresa. :)

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  9. I like the way the port man refuses to look him in the eye. Great job with creating tension. I felt uneasy and expected something bad to happen.

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    1. Thanks, Elaine. Bad things... This guy is okay. But bad things do happen. :-)

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  10. You capture a time and unfamiliar place so well with the use of language. I'm enjoying every nuance each week. Thanks, Teresa.

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    1. Thank you for your encouraging words, Charmaine! :-)

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  11. Lots of unexplained (at least in these snippets) tesnsions here.

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    1. Yep. You understand how difficult it is with only 8 sentences to work with. Sometimes people get the wrong impression. It seems different when a chapter is read as a whole. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sue Ann!

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  12. I'm not sure if the Port operator knows how much danger he appears to be in. Is he muttering to himself because he's oblivious, or out of nervousness?

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    1. A little of both, Ian. He's a good guy. Here, he's trhing to let them know that he's okay. But it's nip and tuck for trust ad suspicion. :-) He's just shown his hand.

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  13. Yes, this is not a comfortable meal at ALL! so much undertone and subtext and all extremely well conveyed. Terrific snippet!

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  14. He's trying to make a point - whether it comes across to the others may be the question

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    1. :-) It's interesting, seeing what readers think. I know this guy, but it's fun when other people don't him. #writerperks
      ;-)

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    2. giggle - see you soon!

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  15. I love the rhythm and flow of your prose, Teresa. Pure poetry.

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  16. Love the "you can bet all your tomorrows." I always want to keep reading when I get to the end of your snippets.

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  17. I love the word "hornshwoggled"! It's fun to make up words for a story.

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    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne. It's so close to the actual word, I'm starting to wonder if I need to make the change greater than it is. But this way, It leaves little doubt as to meaning. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  18. Your description is great, I can imagine an old grizzly guy sitting there puffing out his chest in show - and oh yes, very tense. Each snippet seems to push the situation a little closer to some massive break.

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    1. Will it or won't it? :-) Thanks for visiting, Chelle! :-)

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  19. I'm feeling it which is a good thing for sure.

    Great writing.

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    1. That is a good thing! Thanks, Teresa :-)

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  20. There's a ton of personality in that dialog Love it!

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  21. Love her dialect. So much tension here. And the way you ended it...wow! *needs to know what comes next*

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